Melanie’s photo shoot was one of my favorites.

I mean, wouldn’t every girl like to have pictures

of herself all dressed up in her twenties?

I love to look at pictures of my grandmother

when she was in her twenties.

I wish I could go back in time

and meet my grandmothers and mother and step-mother

when they were in their 20s.

I would take my camera with me

and take pictures of them wearing dresses in fields.

– — –

The problem with outdoor shoots

is that sometimes things get in the way.

Like, for instance, this dog.

As soon as we got Melanie onto that log,

that darn dog jumped out of the water

and got on the log with her.

We couldn’t wait for her dress to dry,

so I shot around the water splashed all over her dress.

– — –

Another thing — the dreaded hay bale.

When we decided to put Melanie on the hay bale,

we tried everything I had in the back of my car

in an attempt to get her high enough to get on that hay.

Unsuccessful?

A package of paper towels.

Also unsuccessful?

A box of diapers.

We finally got her on top of it by me lifting her up

whilst she jumped ever so delicately in her evening gown.

I think the funniest part of the whole thing

was the fact that I could not, for the life of me,

say “hay bale” correctly.

I was trying to say it, but it kept coming out

as hale bales.  And hell belles.

I wish you could have been in that field,

listening to me yell

“Stand up on that hail bay, Melanie!  It’ll look great!”

The farmer who owned the land was sitting there,

watching us with our packages of paper towels and boxes of diapers

listening to me calling his bales of hay all kinds of different things.

I can’t be certain, but I bet he was thinking

“What the hay bale is wrong with those two girls?”

Plenty, sir.  But hay bales are the least of it.

Well, guess who finished up at the office

hours before she thought she would

and ended up getting to have three little fairies

come over to spend the night?

Apparently, from what their father told me

when he called to ask if they could come over,

they were missing me as much

as I had been missing them

(as if that’s even possible).

And so, my Thursday night

ended up being filled with

cooking dinner, baby dolls

and kisses goodnight as I tucked them into bed.

As I was tucking them in bed,

Angelina, the oldest, asked if I’d sit

on the edge of the bed and tell them a story.

I struggled my way through a fairytale

and then, when that was done,

she asked me to sing to them.

I can’t sing very well.

But they didn’t mind at all.

Every time I finished a song,

they begged for “one more.”

These three,

Angelina, Juliana and Olivia,

haven’t had a mother in their home

in almost two years.

When I got in my bed last night,

I thought about how many nights they

must have fallen asleep wishing

to have someone sing to them.

And then I thought about how many nights

I have fallen asleep

wishing to have someone to sing to.

It made me cry, but a sweet cry.

What a privilege, literally,

that I get to be the one to sing them to sleep

on some nights.

How creative God must be

to take a girl who begged for little ones to love

and then bring more of them to her front door

than she even knows what to do with.

I am not their mother.

I am their Amy Beth.

– — –

Juliana just woke up,

and came and got in my lap

and told me what kind of birthday party she wants

before giggling and laying her head on my chest.

Juliana is three.  Almost every chance she gets,

she climbs into my arms.

She is three and she needs to be held,

as most three year old little girls do.

What a great way to start my day,

because today is a 16 hour work day.

Yikes!  Yikes!  Yikes!

I’m going to need some strawberries, I think.

– — –

Remember how my friend from high school, Melanie,

came to visit me last weekend?

While she was here, we put her in a couple of dresses

and headed to the fields.

Listen, Melanie and I are Tennessee girls,

always have been, always will be.

There’s a lot you can say about Tennessee girls,

but I’m just going to flat out tell you

that everything is sweeter in Tennessee.

(Please, please click the picture above

so you can appreciate the trees in their full glory.)

I think it is one of my favorite shoots so far.

See more of it here, if you’d like.

Because I’m working so many hours this week

(not complaining, I promise!)

I haven’t gotten to see the fabulous five much this week.

MacKenzie’s in Knoxville, but I’ll see her this weekend.

Aviean is at the beach with her grandmother.

Angelina, Juliana and Olivia are here in town,

just not here in my arms since I’m in overtime.

I was running some errands for work this morning

and suddenly I just couldn’t stand it anymore.

I had to see those little girls, even if it meant going by their daycare.

My student worker / college girl, Lizy, was with me

and was very happy when I told her about

the “errand” I was adding to our to-do list.

My college girls love the fabulous five little girls.

But, then again, how could they help loving them?

– — –

When we got there, I almost ran inside

because I couldn’t wait to see them!

Angelina was mildly happy to see me,

but then again, she was in the middle of a Silly Bandz transaction

which, as we all know, definitely trumps me.

Olivia grabbed her “pwicture” to show me,

and I was properly proud of it.

But Juliana, that little middle child!

She jumped into my arms and said

“I WUV YOU!!!”

When I put her back down on the ground,

she pulled her ears out to the side,

filled her cheeks with air

and made a monkey face at me.

So, I made one back at her, naturally.

– — –

Last night, I had worked a lot of hours and was going to bed.

And I thought about how I kind of do life on my own

in a lot of ways.

I’m not complaining; it’s just how life has worked out.

But I was laying in bed, thinking about how I wish

I had things to come home to sometimes.

Don’t get me wrong, Snuggles y Cuddles are terrific

but everybody wants to do life with somebody else.

And so I think that’s why I had tears in my eyes today

as I pulled out of the daycare,

the workers probably thinking I’m silly

for having stopped by in the middle of the morning.

It’s just that it’s wonderful, you know,

to have something to love.

Internet, I think you’re going to like this story.

This past Sunday, I went to Toys ‘R Us

to find birthday gifts for MacKenzie and Angelina

(I am planning a mermaid birthday party!).

I really wanted to get MacKenzie a digital camera,

because she loves watching me take pictures

and has asked me for her own camera for years now.

Unfortunately, all of the point and shoot cameras

that were worth anything at all

were still too expensive for my birthday budget.

When I was standing there looking at them,

I silently thought “I really wish I could get her a camera.”

It was one of those deep heart wishes.

I want to pass down a lot of things to the girls,

and photography is definitely one of them.

I want to do so many things for the girls

and have such limited resources to do it with.

As it turns out, God must have been

standing in that Toys ‘R Us aisle with me last Sunday

’cause, apparently, He heard what my heart was wanting.

– — –

This afternoon, I called MacKenzie, age eight.

“MacKenzie, do you remember that picture

I took of you when you were little

wearing that white dress in the fountain

outside my office?”

She told me she remembered.

(This is likely because I have that photo plastered

on her bedroom wall, my kitchen and my office.)

“Well, I entered it in this contest on this lady’s website.

Her name is the Pioneer Woman

and she picked the picture of you as a finalist!”

She was excited, very excited.

So… imagine how excited she’s going to be

the next time she comes to my house

and finds that I’ve used the gift card I will win

(all finalists get a gift card!)

to purchase her very first digital camera.

– — –

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed when I think about the five girls.

You just have no idea what all I want to be able to do for them.

Ballet lessons, school supplies, baby dolls.

Those are material things, I know,

and trust me, I want to do so many non-material things for them, too.

But some of the material things

like ballet lessons, school supplies and baby dolls

and, as you now know, cameras

mean more to them than they might mean

to another little girl since they don’t have

what a lot of other little girls have.

And so, since I know those material things would mean a lot to them,

those material things have matter a lot to this girl, too.

And knowing that He provided

something I so wanted MacKenzie to have

reminds me that He is the provider, not me.

Thank God.  But really.  Thank God.

The other day, Gosling sent me a text

asking if I wanted to play Dr. Mario.

I replied:

“What’s wrong, is your self-esteem too high

and you need it beaten down by a girl?”

because, when it comes to Dr. Mario,

I reign victorious over Gosling.

He sent some text back about how I couldn’t beat him,

so I texted him back to inform him that

not only could I beat him at Dr. Mario

but that I would be happy to do so

whilst dancing circles around him.

– — –

On Sunday evening, I received a text from Gosling

asking me if I was ready to test my dancing skills.

We met at my house and, before playing,

I made him make this video for you

so that there would be no question about what was to happen:

– — –

I then proceeded to play Gosling on Dr. Mario

with him on level five and me on level ten.

Like, I let him be five whole levels under me.

While I danced around him in circles.

And, as you are probably hoping,

I kicked his little Gosling tail.

As promised, he was forced to admit to all of you

that I am better than him at Dr. Mario.

Sorry that I was out of breath when the video started.

I had just danced circles around Gosling

for approximately seven minutes.

The best part of the video is when Gosling

finally admits I beat him.

I’d like to dedicate this victory

to all the girls in the world who have ever wanted to win

when it came to at least one video game.

– — –

P.S. – His hair does look like Santa hair.

A little girl called him Santa the other day, I am not even joking.

1. I made my hair a little too curly.

I looked like a goose.

– — –

2. I went to a bakery to pick up a big order

for a meeting at work and, when I got there,

realized they weren’t open at 7 a.m.

Went around to the back door (I know the owners)

and, in the process, slipped on wet pavement

and managed to get gravel under two of my ten toes.

– — –

3. Went into minor shock and began sweating profusely.

– — –

4. Began gagging, possibly out of shock,

possibly because I had gravel under my skin.

– — –

5. Made it to work.  Threw up in the bathroom.

– — –

6. Arrived at a formal brunch meeting.

With the gravel still under my skin.

– — –

7. Sat down beside my ex-boyfriend’s best friend.

Made polite small talk about

my ex-boyfriend’s upcoming wedding.

(I am genuinely happy for them,

I’ve been meaning to tell you.)

(But, really, I’m not joking.)

(No, really!  I am! Wait until I tell you about it.)

Continued feeling like I might pass out

because there was gravel under my skin.

– — –

8. Took a shortcut into my office building

and walked in on a meeting of about 150 campers.

– — –

9.  Was asked by the camp speaker what my name was,

in front of the 150 campers.

– — –

10. Replied “My name is Amy Beth.”

Everyone continued staring at me, so I added

“It’s a double name because I’m from the south,

I can’t help it, that’s how we name people down here”

whilst 150 campers began laughing at me.

The gravel was still under my skin, by the way.

– — –

11. Went to the bathroom

and began the process of removing the gravel.

– — –

12. Began sweating (glistening?) profusely,

and became 87% sure I was going to pass out.

– — –

13. Came back to my office and mistakenly called

Justin Bieber “Jonas Bieber.”

Felt dismayed that I couldn’t even get

my future husband’s name right.

– — –

14. Smiled because even my bad days are

very, very good days.

As I mentioned yesterday,

it’s wedding central over here in my little world.

Both of my cousins from opposite sides of my family

are getting married.

Marisa will get married in October

and Cate will get married whenever her fiancé

gets to come home from Iraq.

(Cate is doing extremely well with it, by the way.)

On Sunday, both Marisa and Cate had wedding plans

so I had to divide and conquer, one bride at a time.

I began with Cate, the future army bride.

We headed deep into Chattanooga to look at a wedding venue.

After completing that little task,

we headed to try on a few wedding dresses.

Now, I can’t show you pictures of Cate in her dresses,

but I can tell you that she narrowed it down to three dresses.

Interestingly, none of the three look like each other.

I can, however, tell you that I found a dress I liked.

I doubt it would be flattering on me,

but I love the Emma-style dresses.

When we walked out of the bridal salon,

I had 17 minutes to make it to a different part of Chattanooga

to see Marisa model in a bridal show.

I hurried myself over there, parked illegally

and literally ran down the convention center concourse.

I arrived as the music was beginning

and about a minute later, Marisa came down the runway.

Marisa modeled three dresses during the show,

and I took 152 pictures of her on the runway.

And yes, those are angel wings on Marisa in the last picture.

Move over, Victoria,

’cause Marisa knows your secret.

– — –

Now it is time for me to go to work.

Wish me luck this week, I’m going to need it.

No, really.  It’s only Tuesday and I’m already exhausted.

Event weeks = long, long hours = tired Amy Beth.

Also, I would just like you to know that

as I typed this entire post at 6-something in the morning,

Snuggles laid with his head on my leg.

This post has been brought to you by

two cousins getting married

one puppy wondering why I’m typing early in the morning

and a girl that now needs to go get ready for work.

Oh, the weekend, it was full, full, full.

A friend of mine from high school, Melanie,

came to visit me!

I took her to eat dinner at

the historic Chattanooga Choo Choo.

Here’s the story:

they took some train cars

and made them into hotel rooms

and restaurants.

I have wanted to go on a date

to eat dinner in one of those train cars

for about six years now.

I decided I couldn’t wait for a date to come along.

I was going to have dinner in that train car,

one way or another.

And so, I took Melanie there and we talked about life.

And every few minutes,

I would look around the train car where we were eating

and then look at Melanie and mouth

“We are so cool, Melanie, do you realize how cool we are?”

So, in the end, maybe it’s good I didn’t go on a date there

because I probably would have done that on a date.

And that would have been embarrassing.

– — –

On Saturday, I took Melanie to have the best lemonade of her life

and then we went on an adventure in downtown Chattanooga.

We may have been raised in the country

(a cow field surrounded our high school on three sides)

but, this past Saturday, we were nothing but city girls.

We had lunch in a tavern downtown

and shopped Market Street all afternoon.

We even stopped at Sweet CeCe’s for some frozen yogurt.

It was so fun to be a city girl for a day.

Of course, when we got back, we went to a field

and Melanie climbed on top of a bale of hay

but I’ll tell you about that later this week.

– — –

On Saturday night, 23 minutes after Melanie left,

one of my college roommates arrived in town!

Christan and I shared a suite freshman year.

We would climb out the window at the end of the hall

and sit on the flat part of the roof and plan her wedding.

I was a bridesmaid in Christan’s wedding.

And have driven to Memphis several times

just to feed bottles to her two babies.

Life can work out the way it was planned, sometimes.

– — –

After having breakfast with Christan and her family on Sunday morning,

I headed back to Chattanooga for all things wedding.

I’ll have to tell you about that tomorrow, maybe.

It’s wedding central over here

and I am in the bridesmaid zone.

– — –

After I finished all things wedding on Sunday afternoon,

I did a little shopping for a couple of little girl birthdays coming up.

Goodness gracious, I miss those little girls this morning.

– — –

Gosling came over on Sunday night.

We watched a movie about children who live in a brothel

and then did some internet research on orphanages.

For the love, how is this going to work out?

I know I’m connected to orphans.

But how?  How will it work out?

Also, we worked on a masterpiece that I’m making for my mantle.

And then we just chilled out.

Don’t you love how I take pictures

while laying on the couch?

I couldn’t be bothered to move to get good pictures.

It was the last night of the weekend,

for crying out loud.

– — –

This week is my big work week.

I’ll hit between 70 to 80 hours by Saturday.

Event planning, it’s in my blood.

Another thing that’s in my blood?

Those five little girls.

I saw three of them over the weekend,

but I missed all five,

even when I was with my friends.

I missed them bad.

The heart wants what the heart wants

and my heart loves those little girls.

It’s time to tell you about Bank Boy.

You’re only going to understand what I’m about to tell you,

if you go and watch “Taylor the Latte Boy” first.

Basically, there’s a boy who works where I bank

– Bank Boy, if you will –

and I’m pretty sure we have a “connection” with each other.

When I send my deposit in

through the little machine thing-y,

he’s always like “Hey, Amy.  How are you?”

Now, the reason I feel like it is safe to blog about this

is because he can’t possibly read my blog.

I mean, if he did, he would know I’m Amy Beth not Amy.

So, I think we can safely dish about Bank Boy.

Sometimes, on Friday afternoons, he says

“Have any good plans for the weekend?’

I always say “Oh, not really”

even if I have stellar plans for the weekend.

I have an acquaintance who knows him,

so I asked her if he was single.

He is and, get this –

he loves to tell corny jokes.

How perfect would we be together, I mean, really?

Of course, I don’t actually know his name.

I meant to ask her what his name was.

All I’m saying is that, when he sends my deposit receipt

back through the thing-y,

I think we have a moment, Bank Boy and I.

– — –

I thought of some more things we better add

to that list of things I’d like to do in life.

5. speak French

6. speak Italian

7. spend three months in Italy writing.

8. or writing in England.

9. run an orphanage with all of my friends, as I told you last night.

– — –

Things I am going to do this weekend:

1. quality time with Melanie, one of my high school bff’s

2. take Melanie to get lemonade at the best little place!

3. figure out how to organize the girls’ bathroom stuff

4. work a little bit (sometimes I have to on the weekends)

5. quality time with Christan, one of my college bff’s

6. go look at wedding dresses and venues with Cate

7. work on Marisa’s lingerie shower plans

8. help Ryan with Angelina, Juliana and Olivia, maybe?

9. email, email, email — but I love emails!

– — –

Last night, trying to fall asleep, I got frustrated.

I feel like I don’t “hear from God”

as easily as I used to and I don’t like it.

When I don’t get a response back from someone,

I don’t usually spend a lot of time talking to them.

I felt like there was this bad, awful silence between us.

By “us,” I mean, God and I.

I decided to turn on my “cry” iTunes playlist

and, sure enough, I cried, sitting there in my bed,

back propped up against the wall.

I was thinking about the past

and about how, when I was younger,

I really believe that God would

step in and save the day for me

when it came to a relationship in my life.

I was crying because I was remembering how many times

I begged Him to fix that relationship.

I asked at age 11.

And 13.

And 15.

And 17.

And 19.

And 21.

And 23.

And even at age 25.

I was crying because it has never been fixed.

And I don’t think it ever will be fixed.

I was sitting there, two pillows hugged to my chest,

when I said, through tears, –

“I really believed You would fix it.”

I was so earnest back then

and I was so earnest last night.

I really thought You would fix it.

I really did.

– — –

The song is Always by the Newsboys,

and yes I know it is an old song.

But it’s what I used to listen to back then,

so it’s what I still listen to today

when I need to cry a little bit.

I’m not a big fan of admitting that I cry,

but I actually like that I cry.

I think it keeps me tender.

Life tends to rough you up

and harden your skin

so I don’t think it’s wrong to want

to stay a little tender.

Oh, Thursday, how I wish I had done better with you.

It wasn’t a bad day, I’m just frustrated with myself.

Relationships are messy

and I hate that sometimes we all feel caught

in that awful place of knowing that whichever way you go

is going to hurt you or someone else.

I also hate not knowing what to do in situations.

Really, I hate feeling like whatever I do

isn’t going to be the right thing

and I’m going to make a situation

even messier than it was to begin with.

I think part of the reason I hate that feeling

is pride.

And the other part?

Genuinely not wanting to hurt people.

Or be hurt myself, either.

Maybe that’s more the truth.

I’m uncomfortable tonight because I hate it

when things are unsettled between me and someone else,

especially when it falls into one of these three categories:

1. they don’t want to fix it

2. I don’t want to fix it

3. neither of us know how to fix it

Or, the worst –

4. neither of us want to fix it

– — –

Cassidy, one of my college girls, and I

had lunch together today

so we could do more of our Ruth Bible study.

Both of us were super stressed from our mornings at work,

so we decided to talk about orphans instead.

You will remember, hopefully, that I cry over orphans.

(That’s an understatement.)

I don’t like it when children have to live without

their mothers and fathers.

– — –

Anyway, our conversation was ironic because

last night, while I was trying to fall asleep,

I kept thinking about orphans.

I was daydreaming (nightdreaming?) about

having a house for orphans somewhere.

Would you like to hear all of my nightdreamings?

– — –

We would have a house that is well built,

with lots of sunlight pouring through windows.

I’m not sure which nation it would be in,

maybe Haiti?  I mean, there’s a lot to choose from.

We would have closets full of clean clothes,

on tiny little white hangers.

A room full of washing machines

and plenty of sweet-smelling laundry detergent.

Plenty of diapers and wipes,

and cribs lined up together.

The orphanage would be staffed

by me, my friends and you.

Like, we’d take turns, all of you who read my blog.

Come down for a couple of weeks, each of you?

We would email and set it all up.

You would come to the airport

and someone would pick you up,

and when you got to the orphanage,

I’d be standing outside, baby on my hip

waiting to meet you.

We’d be pretend mothers together,

stirring and baking and folding

while we said, through tears,

thank You, God, for using our hands.

– — –

As for my friends, they would have specific jobs.

Here are a few:

Cara, you’re in charge of creativity.

Cate, you’re in charge of our critics.

Marisa, you’re in charge of the babies’ hair.

Ashley, you’re in charge of choosing baby outfits.

Christan, you’re in charge of knowing what to do.

Brandy, you’re in charge of everything legal.

Nina, you’re in charge of everything medical.

Lizy, you’re in charge of staff counseling.

Kimberly, you’re in charge of money.

Katie, you’re in charge of pictures.

Shannon, you’re in charge of education.

Caroline, you’re in charge of style.

Chelsea, you’re in charge of water activities.

Cassidy, you’re in charge of politics.

SarahRuth, you’re in charge of prayer.

Anna, you’re in charge of baby holding.

Jennifer J., you’re in charge of awesomeness.

Kimberly M., you’re in charge of keeping me sane.

Keri, you’re in charge of Dr. Mario encouragement.

Anna R., you’re in charge of keeping us going strong.

Melanie, you’re in charge of earnestness.

Joy, you’re in charge of loving babies.

Gosling, you’re in charge of all handyman repairs.

Caleb, you’re in charge of heavy lifting and diaper duty.

Stephanie, you’re in charge of making us cool.

Charity, you’re in charge of foreign languages.

I have a few other positions that are open,

in my imaginative orphanage.

Would you like to apply?

Great, we’re glad to have you on the team.

– — –

I would pack a suitcase with things I needed

to live in a foreign country.

Clothes, ponytail holders and peanut butter.

I would pack another suitcase with baby supplies,

bottles, medicine, formula.

I would make sure we had internet access in the house,

and we could have live Skype nights

so we wouldn’t get lonely in a foreign country.

I could tie ribbons in the baby girls’ hair, maybe.

And learn how to bounce multiple babies at once.

When all the babies were asleep at night,

we could pile onto the sofas

and have Dr. Mario marathons

while we cried because we were so happy in life.

– — –

Now, I’m not looking for a reason

to up and leave those little girls I have here.

I’m just saying that

I wouldn’t mind if He wants to use me

to help orphans one day down the road.

I don’t have a lot of skill,

but I do have some wide hips

and they might as well be used for bouncing some babies on them.