I’m still getting used to this new medicine, which happens to give me nightmares all night every night, so I’m a little too tired to write a post.   How about you write it instead?

If you could go back in time (or, for some of you, into the future) what would be the main thing you would tell yourself the day before your 26th birthday?

I think I’d go with “You’re still going to love going to farms to see baby animals, even when you’re an adult.”

What about you?  Comments are open!

I’ve got nothing good for you.

No, seriously, I’m in the process of trying to add in a new medicine and my hormones were already out of control before this and now it’s just throwing my estrogen and testosterone even more out of whack which explains why I cried on — wait for it — nine separate occasions yesterday and I just want to walk around with the results from my most recent blood test taped to my chest because then I could prove, PROVE that I’m not just an overly emotional girl, I had medical reason for breaking out in tears over anything and everything.

And so, instead of writing a real post (I DO NOT TRUST MYSELF NOR MY EMOTIONS), I decided that I would create a list of items that make me happy but I am too tired to do that.  And then I thought I would upload a bunch of pictures that make me happy, but I’m too impatient for that.  And then I thought I would tell you about how I hid in the bathroom stall at work yesterday afternoon and cried because I’m turning 26 later this week and I’m afraid God has forgotten me but I decided not to tell you because then you might be inclined to think that my hormones are out of control or something strange like that.

Here’s the thing about God forgetting you: He doesn’t.  Please, we learned that in Sunday School.  So, then we’re left with the actual fear that none of us want to admit: we know that God is able to do anything for us, but the real question is whether He’s willing to do it or not.

I need a glass of Sunny Delight.  On the rocks.

– — –

On a brighter note, I declare that, since it is September 1, fall has arrived!  Fall is my absolute favorite time of the year; how could anyone love a season more than they love autumn?

Here’s what fall looks like in my mind this year:

Cooking dinner for the babies with the kitchen windows open.  Picking them up out of the bathtub and putting them in clean pajamas.  Lots of giggles and tickles as I put them in bed.  Evenings at the campus soccer field while we cheer on Papa Gosling.  My free nights (i.e. when I have no little girls around) spent at Starbucks, just enjoying being with myself.  Football games on in the living room and hopefully plenty of college girls over to watch them (we don’t actually know anything about football, we need boys!!!).   Doing laundry and loving that I get to fold little girl clothes.  Jumping in piles of leaves with the babies.

Last night was the perfect intro to fall: when I was laying Juliana and Olivia down for bed, they wanted me to snuggle with them and tell them a story.   I told them a story about a princess who went for a walk in the forest and found all kinds of baby animals who wanted to go on the walk with her.  I included plenty of animal noises and finished the story with the requisite “and they all lived happily ever after.”

And now I’m going to go finish my lecture for my 11 a.m. class since, you know, it probably wouldn’t fly for me to talk about a princess with forest friends to a room full of college juniors and seniors.

For Olivia’s August girls’ date, we got creative — on my own front porch!

First, we picked out some stars and ribbon at Hobby Lobby.  Next, we came home and painted them on the front porch, one coat at a time.  Once the stars were dry, we added ribbon to them and set them aside to be hung under the canopy that hangs over the main bed in the girls’ bedroom.  It was a simple “date,” and one that I can’t post pictures of because I don’t want to show the outside of my house (I have a very… distinctive-looking front porch), but take my word for it: we got messy, we got creative and we had a blast!  I’ll show you the finished product whenever I get around to finishing and photographing the girls’ bedroom.  It’s taking longer than I thought!

I will admit though that, the next time I take this two year old on a “girls’ date,” it’s going to be one that doesn’t involve paint.  I learned my lesson the hard way this time around!

From the age of five forward, I grew up in a single parent household.  I have no memories of my parents being married to each other and since only one of my parents remarried while I was young and I only saw that parent on occasion, I didn’t grow up with the understanding of what it would be like to have a mother and a father in the same house at the same time.  I was, as you can imagine, insanely jealous of my friends whose parents hadn’t divorced; I so wanted two parents in my house.

Now that I have the fabulous five in my life, I feel like I’m gaining a whole new understanding of why God’s original plan was to have both a mother and father in a committed, loving relationship as they parent their children.   This has been especially true when it comes to Angelina, Juliana and Olivia, mainly because their father, Ryan, and I find ourselves trying to work together to help raise the girls.  We’re not in a romantic relationship (nor do we plan to be), but we’re working very closely together to help these three baby girls along in life.  Typically, however, when I have the girls, I’m on my own because it means he is at work.

I have learned, very quickly, that I cannot do it all nor can I even attempt to do it all by myself.  I’m certainly not a single parent, since none of the girls are actually my children, but I certainly feel like a single mother a lot of the time.  Because of feeling this way, I’m experiencing a whole new level of gratefulness towards those around me who are helping me with the girls.

A couple of weeks ago, before heading to Knoxville for MacKenzie’s school orientation, I picked Angelina up from school only to find out that she had “meet the teacher” that very night.   I was immediately conflicted, but decided that since I had already made a promise to MacKenzie, I would go to her school.  I whipped out my cell phone, called one of my college girls, Anna, and within minutes, had a promise from Anna that she would go with Angelina to her school orientation and stand-in for me.

Anna took notes for me, explained the situation to the teacher, everything.  When I got back late that night from Knoxville, both girls had successfully attended a school orientation with a female presence in their life — which was the goal all along.

Last week, the girls asked me if we could invite Gosling (they call him “Papa Gosling”) to have dinner with us.   Almost every night of the week that I have the girls, they all want to know if we can call Papa Gosling.  Since Papa Gosling has a life outside of five squiggly little girls, I typically say no but, since they were begging, I decided we’d at least try.  We called and, sure enough, he had just enough time to meet us for a quick bite before he had to be at a meeting.

The whole time we ate, Papa Gosling played with the girls while I enjoyed a meal in peace.  This whole help from your friends thing is worth its weight in gold.

I don’t know about you, but I was ready for a good weekend by the time this one rolled around!  When I got off work on Friday afternoon, Aviean went with me to pick up Angelina from after-school care and Juliana and Olivia from day care.  I was feeling some kind of weird inclination to cook for the girls, so we came home and I fixed stir-fry for us all.  When Aunt Cate got off work, she stopped by the house to have game night with us and, of course, be mauled by little girls.

Saturday morning began at an hour I never wish to see again on a Saturday morning.  I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this before, but one of my greatest fears about having my own children has always been the lack of sleep.  While I realize that makes me sound like an absolute pansy, I’d just like to go on the record as saying that I happen to require a lot of sleep to function as a kind, caring human being and, why yes, I am a pansy.  I can own that.

And so, since we were up at the crack of dawn, we had a little breakfast, played a little dress-up, etc.  Around 10 a.m., I dropped Ryan’s girls off at his apartment and headed out with Aviean for her one-on-one date at the farm. I am really concerned about the fact that, if we keep visiting the farm this fall, eventually I’m going to end up with various farm animals running around my house as little girls chase them down.  As I’m typing this, my little puppy Cuddles is looking at me and I’m just overwhelmed with love for animals (I mean, not all animals, just two day old baby chicks, small piglets and cute puppies).  This is coming from the girl who used to declare that she — wait for it — hated animals.  Who have I become?  And don’t you think that a little baby piglet would be a cute addition to the menagerie at my house?

(Just kidding, mom.)

(Actually, speaking of piglets and my mom, while I was growing up, I wasn’t really allowed to eat bacon or sausage because my mom was kind of “against” it.  For most of my life, my mom was a single mom and dated various men.  She used to say — quite literally — that “lips that touched swine, would never touch mine {hers}.”)

(She married a man who eats “swine,” just FYI.  I can only assume they never kiss.)

(To this day, whenever I put bacon bits on my salad, I feel wildly rebellious.)

I had all the girls back at my house by Saturday afternoon (MacKenzie was supposed to come down this weekend but couldn’t because of a stomach virus, so I had four of the fab five), so the rest of the day went by in a flurry of naps for the little girls, laundry and a quest to reorganize my kitchen cabinets.  Ever since the fab five came barreling into my life, turning my house into a home has been at the forefront of my mind.  I suppose I’m nesting, which is hard do with up to five baby birds flapping around my house on any given day.  Especially since one of them (I’m not naming any names, OLIVIA) enjoys hiding various “surprises” in cabinets and drawers throughout my house when I’m not looking.

I didn’t feel too swell by the time Saturday evening rolled around, so I returned all four kidlets even though I didn’t want to.  Within a couple of hours, I had a full-blown migraine, something I rarely get but could feel coming on.  I took some medicine and hopped into bed early, planning to get up and try a new church out on Sunday morning.

Unfortunately, the migraine was still making its home in my head when I woke up so, after trying to fight it for a few hours, I made myself go to a walk-in clinic since I didn’t have anything powerful enough to treat it at home.  I wish you could have seen me sitting there in the waiting room, hands over my face in an effort to block out sound and light.  I kept silently telling myself that I wasn’t allowed to start feeling bad for myself, because there’s nothing like a little feeling unwell to trigger intense feelings of “WHY AM I ALONE IN LIFE?” followed by tears while I sit alone at the pharmacy waiting for my prescription.  Hey, at least I’m honest.

The rest of Sunday was spent sleeping on and off, watching a little Netflix and reading from a new book I bought called My Single Mom Life.  I felt a little weird buying it in the bookstore, especially given the fact that I’m not anyone’s actual, you know, mother, but oh my goodness, I cannot put this book down.  I know this might sound strange to you, but since I take care of the girls on my own when they’re in my care, I do feel like a single mom a lot of the time.  I’m already loving the book, so maybe I’ll blog my way through it a bit?

And now it is Monday morning and time for another busy work week.  I also turn 26 this week; I felt my stomach sink as I typed those words.  I’m a little scared of this birthday, mainly because I’m afraid of what emotions will come with turning another year older.  I can’t believe I’m going to be 26 years old… whoa.  When did I become an adult?

On Saturday morning, after depositing Angelina, Juliana and Olivia at their dad’s apartment, I took Aviean on her August girls’ date! For Aviean’s date this month, I decided that we would drive out to a Mennonite farm that sells fresh fruits and vegetables as well as animals.  I’ve only been to the part with fruits and vegetables before, but I knew that Aviean would love seeing the baby animals.

She loved it!  We went from cage to cage, learning about different animals as we read a bit about them.  She was one of the only children there, but after a few minutes of our arrival, some of the Mennonite children started coming out and cautiously approaching us.  Before long, we had made several new friends who enjoyed petting the baby chicks and baby ducks right alongside us!

Once we had seen every animal, we headed over to the fruits and vegetables section for a little shopping.  Most of the items had already sold out by the time we got there, but we did pick out a yummy watermelon to take home and enjoy.

The whole way home, Aviean and I talked about the different animals we had seen (from two day old chicks to baby ducks to a piglet!).  We talked about what sounds they make, what names they could have, etc.  I had told Aviean before we went that we weren’t buying any of the animals since we didn’t live on a farm and couldn’t properly raise them, so on the way home, she sat with the watermelon in her lap, pretending it was various farm animals that she was taking care of.

Yep, she’s really that cute in real life, watermelon and all.

Oh, Aunt Cate.  That looks like it hurts!

Are you still glad you came over to see us after you got off work last night?

Um, Aunt Cate?  Why aren’t you answering that question?

I mean, we’re just hanging out like we typically do on Friday evenings.

We’re SO glad you could join us, Aunt Cate!

– — –

And now, as bonus footage for your weekend viewing pleasure: how four of the Fab Five take Aunt Cate down in 30 seconds or less!

(Please excuse my excessive giggling throughout the 30 seconds.)

(I was just happy that I wasn’t the one being tackled for once.)

(Cousin Cate?  Wanna come back over tonight?)

I have been missing that little Aviean bird all week!  Luckily for me, I get to pick her up after work today and spend the weekend knee deep in dress-up clothes and baby dolls.

I can’t believe I haven’t written about the “free internet” thing yet, because this is quite the topic of conversation anytime I’m with my college girls.   I’ve had the story on my mind lately, so I can’t let another moment go by without letting you in on the joke.

This summer, when I took Aviean to the beach, she and I kept seeing this commercial for a hotel chain that advertised “free internet” as one of the benefits that comes with staying  in their hotel chain.  For some reason, she thought that was the funniest thing ever — “free internet.”  Keep in mind that she is four years old and she doesn’t actually know what the internet even is yet.

On the trip, she began saying “free internet!” to me any chance she got.  On our way back to Tennessee, we stopped in South Carolina so I could photograph one of my college girls’ wedding and, throughout the ceremony and reception, Aviean kept my other college girls entertained with her constant mentions of “free internet.”  Since then, it’s become a big joke between all of my college girls and we frequently text the words “free internet” to each other whenever we need a little dose of Aviean humor.

Not too long ago, Aviean was at my house for the night.   I didn’t think anything about it at the time, but she hadn’t said “free internet” the whole evening, which is pretty unusual for her.  After I tucked her in, said prayers with her and told her goodnight, I sat down on the edge of her bed to rub her back until she fell asleep.  A few minutes went by and, after I was sure she was asleep, I quietly got up and walked towards her bedroom door only to hear her little voice ask me a question.

“Amy Beff, did you hear something?”

“No, baby, I didn’t.  What was it?”

“I think I just heard a little voice say FREE INTERNET!”

After Juliana and Olivia’s dentist appointments on Wednesday morning, I took Olivia to day care and then informed Juliana that she and I were going on her August girls’ date!

Little Juliana has been requesting to eat “bisquetti” (spaghetti) for quite awhile now, so I took her downtown to a little Italian restaurant for our date.   I parked a couple of blocks from the restaurant so that we could enjoy a walk downtown; Juliana held my hand the whole way to the restaurant, stopping every few feet to peer into windows of offices and stores downtown.

When we made it to the restaurant and Juliana saw the linen tablecloths and vases of flowers on the table, she was ecstatic!  This baby girl loves all things fancy!

Over our lunch of “bisquetti,” Juliana and I discussed matters of great importance such as the boy she doesn’t like in her day care class, what Snuggles y Cuddles were doing at home while we were on our “date” and, of course, how much we love playing with baby dolls.

After we finished lunch, we walked to my cousin Marisa’s office so we could say hello during our downtown stroll.  We were glad she works so close to the restaurant we ate at!

We took our time heading back to the car, stopping for a couple of pictures and inspections of fallen leaves, too.

During our “date,” JuJu mentioned that we were on our date at least ten times.  “This is not a date with all the girls,” she would say. “This is a JuJu and Amy Beff date!”  And she was absolutely right; it was a JuJu and Amy Beff date, bisquetti and all!

If you’ll remember, when I asked Juliana what she wanted for her birthday, she asked me if I would take her to the dentist.  In that moment, it hit me that she and her sisters had probably never been to the dentist before.  I asked them and their dad and, sure enough, they hadn’t made it to the dentist before.  I decided that my goal for August would be to get all three of them to the dentist (in September, I’m going to work on getting them to their first vision appointments).  Their dad works long hours, so he was more than happy to sign over for me to be able to take them to the dentist.  A few phone calls and many pages of paperwork later, we were on our way!

I decided to divide the girls’ appointments up, so one afternoon earlier this week, Angelina and I headed over to my dentist’s office for her first cleaning!  I didn’t tell any of the girls they were going to the dentist until right before their appointment to help ward off fear (all of them were very nervous about the dentist).  When I showed up at Angelina’s school to check her out early with the promise of a trip to Sonic before the dentist, she was very excited!

Once we got back to the room, she wasn’t as excited… but she still took it like a champ!  That’s my girl!

About 45 minute later, my little rock star finished up, princess toothbrush in hand.

In an effort to knock out as many appointments as possible, I had also scheduled myself for an appointment to have a couple of fillings done.  Can you believe that, until this point in my life, I have never had a cavity before?  I had no idea what to expect and I was a bit nervous, but as soon as they put the laughing gas mask on, I was in a very good place.  A very good place I didn’t want to leave.  A very good place indeed.

Until I opened my eyes to discover that Angelina was taking pictures of me and attempting to post them to my Facebook account.

Right after the dentist began working on my teeth, an emergency case came in which meant they had to put me on hold for a bit.  Luckily for me, they left the laughing gas with me.  By the time the dentist got back to my chair, I was contemplating ways to go about life with a laughing gas mask permanently attached to my face.

Judging by the picture Angelina took while I was in la-la land, everything went well.

The next morning, I took Angelina to school and then headed over to a pediatric dentist office with Juliana and Olivia.  Both of the girls were nervous about their appointments, but luckily for me and them, the office had a very fun waiting room!

When we went back, Juliana hopped in the chair with only a little hesitation.  Look at baby girl!

Unfortunately, Olivia wasn’t exactly the same case.  The minute she saw the gloves and masks, she lost it.  Ever since her stint in the ICU, she has understandably been very afraid of doctors.  I ended up having to hold her down on the table so the dentist could look at her teeth and, when he put his finger in her mouth, she promptly bit it as hard as she could.  Oh, Olivia.

At the end of our dentist visits, we walked away with two girls having no cavities and one of the girls having several cavities.  I suppose it could have been worse, given the fact they’ve never seen a dentist before.

Can I tell you a secret?  Taking the girls to the dentist is one of the most enjoyable things I’ve done lately.  I don’t know why, but I suspect it has something to do with the fact that taking children to the dentist is such a motherly, nuturing type of thing.  I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed taking them; isn’t that weird?  I would count taking them to the dentist as one of my favorite activities with them ever, even if it wasn’t necessarily their favorite activity.

Of course, I would also count my 45 minutes with the laughing gas mask as one of my favorite activities ever, too.