I feel like I’ve come back from a long, long trip.  A tiring trip.  A trip in which I visited a foreign country to meet new creatures. 

Creatures who raise their hand to say “Miss Amy Beth?  I need to go to the potty.  Weally, weally bad.”

Creatures who use glue sticks to mold their bangs to their foreheads.

Creatures who drop processed nacho cheese on the floor and then lick it up.

I had 58 of these little creatures in my program today.  Yes, you read that correctly: 58.  In elementary school standards, that’s like having 3+ classrooms full of little girls.  In Amy Beth standards, that’s like having a bad nightmare.

I kid because I have no voice left.  Or will to get out of bed for the next three days.

Oh interlings, they were just everywhere.  They were on the floor, they were in seats, they were pulling on the cuff of my pants, they were in my hair (which, in case you were wondering, took quite the beating today).  I think that a few of them may actually be stored away in my purse right now.  They’re sneaky like that, you know.

To make matters worse, I didn’t have enough volunteers today.  So, I sent a little text to Cate, one of our leaders, and told her that I’d let her off processed cheese duty for the rest of her life I would be so blessed to have her help.  This may come as a surprise to the interlings, but Cate isn’t necessarily the first person that comes to mind when you think about a program for little girls.  Cate works with our high school girls — and they adore her.  Little girls?  Not so much.

Cate expressed those very sentiments in a colorful text message to which I replied:

“Cate, this is no time to be a wallflower!  This is crunch time.  If we don’t go in there strong, they will know we’re weak.  And then they’ll know they can use their little girl powers on us.  And then, we’re TOAST!  You don’t wanna die a few months b4 u graduate from college, do u?  DO U WANT 2 DIE?!?!”

Obviously I will soon be recruited to teach English with my stellar grammar texting skills.

I thought the real highlight of today’s program was music time when we sang and performed motions to the following lyrics:

“I ski, I ski, I ski, I ski… skiing on the Lord’s side!” 

Only to be topped with…

“I eat, I eat, I eat, I eat… eating on the Lord’s side!”

Who writes this stuff?  Seriously. 

Next week, we’re singing a song that goes “I’m gonna twirl, I’m gonna HURL and praise the Lord!” 

You think I’m joking, but look it up for yourself.  I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.

I can promise you one thing though: if I have to watch 58 girls lick cheese off the floor next week, I am gonna hurl.

And praise the Lord, of course.  Glory.