My bff, Ashley, mentioned in yesterday’s comments that I have brought up the subject of regurgitation (also known in some parts of the country as both “vomiting” and “throwing up”) multiple times in this blog.  I couldn’t figure out what point she was trying to make until I realized that the bloggy isn’t even a month old yet.  So in an effort to not go down that path this evening, let us talk about something different if yet equally as exciting as violently losing the meal you just consumed.

Interlings, I believe I have the perfect topic: tonight’s ministry visit to the church where my ex-boyfriend is employed!  Though, as expected, it will likely be hard for me to make it through such a post without mentioning the ever-popular regurgitation thing-y.

Ahem.

When I was booked for this conference last summer, Ex-Boyfriend and I weren’t dating yet.  In fact, I didn’t even have the schedule of the churches I’d be going to so there was no way for me to know that I’d end up at his church.  I was innocent, I tell you.

But our irony-loving God seems to have quite a bit up His cosmic sleeve, now doesn’t He?

Tonight’s event was billed as a “formal Leadership banquet” with various members from surrounding churches in this denomination meeting up at this one particular church.  So, as soon as I finished work at the office today, I ran home to begin frantically fixing my hair getting ready for tonight’s event.

Now.  I’ve always found it difficult to decide what to wear when going to an event as a representative for Starlite.  For this five day conference alone, I have around 13 different events that require an outfit for each.  There’s some pressure, you know?  But this event?  With good ‘ol Ex-Boyfriend attending?

Well, it is safe to say my bedroom floor is still covered with rejected clothing choices from earlier tonight.

After deciding on the first dress I tried on my favorite dress, I began the real task: whipping my hair into shape.  I would share all the details with you, but for some crazy reason, this blog is not called Hair So Fabulous.

Note to self: neither is it called Boyfriends So Fabulous, nor Ex-Boyfriends So Fabulous.

Anyway, it is safe to say that after my flat iron had a little chat with my misbehaving hair, I was ready to go.  Good thing I had all of three minutes to get to the church.  But late is still fashionable, right?  Ministry Barbie still had to fix her make-up before putting on her tiny high heels and falling down her steps making it out to her car.

I spent the next two hours giving my best wide smile and alternately my best Concerned Look About the Way Youth of America Have Gone to H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks in a Hand Basket, Yes I Couldn’t Agree More Ma’am.

To think my dad I once believed my degree in Public Relations would never come in handy.  Oh, ye (dad) of little faith.

But then, across the room, I spied a congregating group of older mature women.  I saw whispering and finger pointing and suddenly realized that both seemed to be pointed in my direction.

Houston, we had a major problem.  And the problem was suddenly walking straight towards my table.

“We are so glad to have you here this evening!”

“Why thank you.  It is such an honor to have been invited.”  Whew.  I was safe.

“Sweetie, what you do for girls is just remarkable.”

Before I could make my standard yet true response about how very little I have to do with the success of Starlite, the questions began in rapid-fire form:

“We hear you used to date Our So-and-So.”

“What went wrong?  Did you not like him?” 

“He’s just the most precious boy in the entire world.  I can’t imagine why you couldn’t have made it work.”

Before I could choke out any response, they began offering me suggestions as to how I could win him back.  I didn’t feel it was entirely appropriate to mention that I don’t believe either of us are interested in winning either one back as we are Just Fine Being Friends, thankyouverymuch.

Alas, I was at a loss of words.  That can happen when you’re facing the Church Women’s Firing Squad Quilting Group.

I’m honestly not sure how I made it out alive and relatively unscathed, but I think it is safe to say that it will be awhile before I’m asked to give the Wednesday night devotion at the Seniors Missions & Friendship Circle.

I’m just glad I won’t be there to see their reaction when they open this Sunday morning’s bulletin to find that I’m the guest speaker for Sunday School.

I kid not.

I’m gonna need a new dress.  And, you know, a couple of bodyguards.