This morning, approximately 3.7 seconds after my alarm clock went off, two things happened:

1. I realized that I had to face a room full of elementary school girls in approximately seven hours.

2. My puppies attacked my face with kisses.  Puppy-morning-breath kisses.  Gross-tastic, indeed.

Now, to the average person, these may not seem like they have anything to do with each other.  But there in my bed this morning, wondering how I was going to make it out of that elementary school alive, I realized that I had two secret weapons:

You may know them as Snuggles and Cuddles.

Now, I am thankfully not a mother yet, but I already know that it isn’t good to bribe children. 

But, if you had around 60 little children in your care for an hour and a half each week, I think you’d be bribing them with anything you could get your hands on. 

So, my plan was simple: I’d dress the boys in their Monday outfits (don’t laugh), load ‘em into their puppy stroller (please, quit laughing) and take them with me to the elementary school.  Upon our arrival, the wee children would shriek and squeal as only little girls can as they begged me to let them pet the puppies.

And then, in a magnificent display of sheer genius, I would lay down the law:

“Wee children?  You want to pet the puppies?”

“YES!” Squeal. ”Yes, yes, yes!” Squeal, squeal.

“Then you must be on perfect behavior for the next 1.5 hours.  If I have not had to reconsider why I ever agreed to lead this program call you down by the end of today’s program, I will let you pet each puppy once.”

This is why they pay me next to nothing the big bucks to lead Starlite.  And, this is also why my puppies now tremble in fear each and every single time they catch a glimpse of any female children.  We had 70 little girls there today. 

Seventy.  7-0.  35 + 35 = 70.  SEVENTY LITTLE GIRLS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

Snuggles and Cuddles?  Are you listening reading?  I’m sorry that I had to disrupt your sleepy Monday afternoon and send you into a mass of little girls.  Really, I’m sorry.

But it is best that you learn how difficult being a ministry kid puppy can be at an early age.  The Lord will repay your sacrifice, hopefully in the form of treats and belly rubs.

Trust me, it is way better than Him repaying you in processed nacho cheese.  I speak from experience.