With it being April Fool’s Day today, I thought of a lot of fun things I could put on the ‘ol bloggy.  However, it seemed cruel to tell our volunteers that their days of serving processed nacho cheese were behind them and then force ‘em to return to that sickening orange product a mere 24 hours later.

So, I decided that it is time to tell you one of the all-time, favorite, most loved Starlite stories ever.  Prepare yourselves.

When Starlite began, it was operated out of my dorm room.  Literally.  The parents of the girls we served would want an “office number” to contact us, so I’d give them my dorm room number.  So, my roommate and I were forced to answer each call with “Thank you for calling Starlite Ministries, this is Amy Beth.” 

Most of the time, we were greeted with “Wanna go to Wendy’s and get a Frosty?” from the girls down the hall.

And yes, we went and got the Frosty each and every single time.  You’ve heard of the Freshman Fifteen?  I believe we have the Sophomore Sixty pictures to prove it.

Ahem. 

Anyway, after believing God for quite awhile for an office space, a very generous donor agreed to help us.  The story of how we eventually made it to our “big office” is going to have to be saved for another day as I must honor the holiday that is April Fools by sharing the infamous “How We Got Stuck in the Starlite Office Above the Intimate Secrets Lingerie & More Store on April Fool’s Day.”

Eloquence, it is my thing.

And so, gather around for a stroll down Starlite memory lane:

One day, on a street not so far away, we packed up our three cartons of crayons, two boxes of candy and one desk chair and moved into an office.  The date?

April Fool’s Day, 2006. 

Being the wild college girls that we were back in the day (at least that’s what I’m planning to tell my grandchildren one day), we decided to paint the new office all in one day.  After all, how hard could it be to paint four very large rooms?

Very hard, interlings.  Very, very hard.

I fear that there is no way to adequately describe the problems that plagued us that fateful day without relying on my dear friend, the list format:

1. We had no money to buy paint.  Because, um, we had all of two donors at that point.  So, we college girls pooled our change and came up with a collective $13.46.  Thankfully, it bought us two (cheap) gallons of a lovely shade of blue called “Ripple Effect.” 

2. Two gallons of paint, full as they may be, are not enough to paint a large office.

3. Two gallons of paint + 5 college girls who had never actually painted anything before = disaster.  Here, I have a photo to prove my point:

Please don’t judge my non-matching shirt and pants.  Or, you know, the fact that there is paint on my face, legs and in my hair.  Also, please note that we were not wearing make-up because hello?  We weren’t exactly expecting any guys to show up.  And, um?  I think this picture was taken around 3 a.m.

4. It is best not to wait until you are nearing the point of passing out from inhaling paint fumes to make sure the windows in your new office aren’t painted shut.  Phenomenon as it might be, you’d be surprised at how many people believe that “ventilation” is a need rather than a want.

And yet, the story continues.  After realizing that the windows just weren’t going to open, I did what any good leader would do: I hit the stairs searching for the exit door in order to get some air.

Unfortunately, in my dash to freedom, I let the door to our newly painted office close behind me. 

The door that was broken and automatically locked the entire group in the non-ventilated office.

Yes, that door.

I eventually had to call 911 because we couldn’t break the door down and the girls were starting to get sick.  When the operator asked for our address, I explained that is was our first day there so I really didn’t know it but we were located right about the Intimate Secrets Lingerie Shop & More and could they please come get us out?  And that was right about when they hung up on me, thinking that we were playing some kind of sick April Fool’s joke.

Three frantic calls later, a team of firefighters arrived to assess the cute college girls situation.  As the girls came tumbling out of the office, I was given more than one piercing glare from their bloodshot eyes.

It should be noted that I did not win the “Ministry Leader of the Year” award in 2006.  Nor did I win it in 2003, 2004 or 2005.  I’m hoping that 2007′s official notification is just lost in the post-holiday mail.

No tears here though.  I expect the paint endorsement deals to start rolling in any day now. 

Don’t forget to enter the “It’s Fabulous to be a Girl!” contest with a prize package featuring 100 different items, including products from Clinique, Victoria’s Secret and Dolce Vita.  Click here to enter!