Edited to add: Ya’ll are too sweet to ask about Katie and I (was) too out of it to even think to include that.  We went to the ER because she was having some stomach problems.  She’s feeling much better now.  In fact, when I went into her room a few minutes ago to tell her to look at your comments, she was flat ironing her hair.  If that doesn’t scream recovery, I don’t know what does.

I really have no idea how to even begin telling you what went down over the last 24 hours just because it is so darn unbelievable.  However, I will try to tell you as long as you promise me that you’ll buckle up safely for this story.

My roommate, Katie, had a bad day yesterday.  So I offer to take her to dinner.  As we’re leaving the restaurant, Katie mentions that her stomach is really hurting.  She hadn’t felt all that great for a few days, so we decided to go straight home.  After an hour at home, we headed to the local pharmacy to try to find something for her.

And this is where the fun begins.

We explain the problem to the pharmacist and he just stares at us for approximately 17 seconds.  Then, without warning, he leans over the counter and says “I want to tell you a story.  One time, when my church was looking for a new pastor, we invited this guy in to preach and then we had a church dinner afterwards.  So, I show him the desserts and he picks out a piece of pie and then the next thing you know, he had to have his gallbladder removed.”

Katie, who never misses a beat, immediately said “So what does this have to do with me?”

At this point, I begin laughing hysterically because that’s what I do in uncomfortable situations.  Embarrassed, I whip out my cell phone and say “Oh, I’ve got to take this call!” and then proceed to have a pretend conversation for the next three minutes so that I don’t have to stand around laughing awkwardly.

We ended up heading to the local hospital on the pharmacist’s advice.  I wouldn’t let her stay at the first emergency room because?  HELLO?  There were like 60 people there.  So, we go to the next emergency room and find that there are both bugs and various diseases crawling around.  Needless to say, we jumped back in the car and headed for a Big City Hospital aka A Real Hospital about 40 minutes away.

I’ll just sum up this part of the ordeal in one mismatched sentence: me, driving Katie’s huge SUV, quite a bit of help from the OnStar team, a few naughty words from Katie due to the pain, a few more naughty words from me due to trying to drive a yacht while listening to Katie be in pain and not being able to help her and one car full of guys checking us out. 

After settling into our new emergency waiting room, we noticed that there was a boy sitting near us covered in mud but smelling rather strongly of chocolate.  We started talking to him and found out that he had just come from a chocolate pudding fight.

A chocolate pudding fight, ya’ll.  How did I not know these existed?

And more importantly, why have I never been invited to one?

Anyway, Chocolate Pudding Boy’s friend was in the ER because he had hurt himself in the pudding fight.  So, for the next three hours, Katie and I chatted up a boy with chocolate pudding all over him, including his hair.  In moments of extreme boredom, we even played Rocks, Paper, Scissors and “Never Have I Ever.”

I won with the line “Never have I ever participated in a chocolate pudding fight.”  Brilliant, huh?

When we finally get a room, the doctor had Katie immediately hooked up to an IV and all that jazz.  By this point (4 a.m. maybe?) I was absolutely delirious.  And right about that time, I looked up to see a male nurse launch a fistful of crushed ice right into my face.

I kid you not.  Again.

His explanation was that I “looked like [I] needed to have some fun” and that he thought “the ice would really give [me] a jolt!”

Oh I had a jolt alright.  I had a jolt indeed.

We finally got to leave the hospital this morning and headed straight for McDonald’s to grab some breakfast because we were starving.  On the way home, I kept trying to stay awake while keeping the yacht on the road.  Katie helped me out by trying to keep me talking, specifically by asking me repeatedly what I was thinking about.

My answer at one point included wondering what it would be like if gnomes came running out of the forest onto the road. 

At this point, Katie began insisting I pull over and let her drive.  However, I soldiered on and we (thankfully) made it home.  Which is exactly where we proceeded to crash until I realized that?  Hello?  I actually had to go do some work and attend some meetings and be a grown up.

But you better believe I’ll be getting in on the chocolate pudding action tonight.