I really hated canceling all my hot dates for the weekend.

May 30th, 2008 by Amy Beth

Yesterday afternoon, right after posting a little video about me and my (imaginary) man, I headed to the doctor for a quick check-up about something I had noticed a few days ago.

That quick little check-up turned into him telling me that I’m going to have to have a little procedure. And I’m going to have to have it later this afternoon. Actually, he wanted to go ahead with it yesterday but I needed at least 24 hours to let it sink in.

He only gave me 22 hours, but hey, I’ll take what I can get.

It isn’t a major deal, but he said I’ll probably be in pain over the weekend. Here’s how THAT convo went down:

Mr. Doctor: “So, don’t plan anything for this weekend and if you already have plans, cancel them.”

Me: “This isn’t going to hurt, is it?”

Mr. Doctor: “Yes.”

Me: “Yes, what?”

Mr. Doctor: “Yes, it is going to hurt.”

Me: “Oh, well just while you’re doing it, right?”

Mr. Doctor: “No.”

Me: (Gulp.)

Pain and me, we don’t go well together. In fact, I’m so not looking forward to the whole ordeal that I seriously thought about skipping town tomorrow. But, um, “next right decision” — right?

Since I didn’t have advance notice about this, I don’t have anyone to write for me while I’m bonding with my bed. And so, I just wanted to mention it for those of you who check the blog daily (all one of you) in case I don’t feel up to writing about my hair.

Not that I ever do that, what with far more important topics to discuss like whether I should wear my light pink pajamas tonight or my hot pink ones?

And, furthermore, should it be the ones with the hot pink polka dots or the light pink stripes?

I just want to look good when Imaginary Boyfriend shows up with flowers, cards and candy.

Appearing on video for the very first time… Imaginary Boyfriend!

May 29th, 2008 by Amy Beth

My friend Allison, whom you may remember as The Only Other Starlite Employee, is really good about remembering stuff without being reminded.  Without me ever mentioning what yesterday was the anniversary of, she remembered on her own and invited me to spend time with her.

And her boyfriend, Ryan.

Now.  I know this is going to come as a complete shock to you, but in all honesty, I’m not always that outgoing.  I love large crowds, but I’m pretty shy when it comes to being in small groups or even in some one-on-one situations. I don’t know why I’m like that, but oh well.

I agreed to come over to her boyfriend’s house, but about an hour before I was supposed to arrive, I called her to say that I just couldn’t come.  As she was telling me that she understood and that we’d do it another time, her boyfriend grabbed the phone. 

Ryan: “What am I hearing about you not coming over tonight?”

Me: “Well, I just don’t think I’m up to it…”

Ryan: “Ridiculous.  You’re coming over.”

Me: “Actually, I’m not.”

Ryan: “Yeah, you are.”

Me: “No, I’m not.”

Ryan: “I’m not arguing this with you.  I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

And so, I got ready and went over.  Because what could be more fun than hanging out with your friend and her boyfriend?

I was feeling pretty sorry for myself until my cell rang and a certain someone invited himself along with me.  That’s right — Imaginary Boyfriend to the rescue!  On our way there, we decided it was time for ya’ll to finally meet him.  And so, we whipped out the trusty camera and made a little video of ourselves for you.  Try to keep your jealousy of our relationship in control.

Also, please note that, on four different occasions, I almost run off the road.  You’re welcome.

 

The next right decision.

May 28th, 2008 by Amy Beth

When I came home a few minutes ago, Katie took one look at me and instantly knew I had been crying.  Her boyfriend was over, so I just said a quick hello and made my way to my room.  I had barely shut the door when I got her text: “You’re not okay…”

Can I be honest with you, tonight, in a late night post that I may delete in a bit because I suddenly regret writing it?

Here’s the thing about bloggies… it’s been said a million times, in a bajillion different ways but I think we all know that each post we write is just a snapshot a moments in the writer’s life.  As for me, there’s a lot that goes on within Starlite that I can’t tell you about simply because it isn’t my business to tell.  On some of the days when I’ve posted something that you’ve called funny, I’ve sat reading your comments while crying over the story I heard in my office only a few minutes before.

But here’s what I can do: I can tell you when I’m hurting.  And, to be honest, I’m hurting a little bit right now.  I’m in a season that is an anniversary of sorts of a very painful part of my past.  And, unfortunately, one of the areas of my life that I’m still having to work on is not ignoring pain and just pretending it will go away.  I have a bad habit of not grieving losses or hurts when they happen and then experiencing that pain later on — with interest added, of course.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I sure would appreciate you praying for me, if you think about it or feel led.  Without going into specifics, I just need to continue to walk in forgiveness towards a few people in my life.  And to not walk away in fear from them, either.

I’m smart enough to know that this season of my life — my twenties — is very important when it comes to the rest of my life.  The decisions I’ll be making in the next few years — and the decisions I make tonight — matter.  A lot.

I’m watching a lot of my girlfriends from middle school, high school and even college just walk away from the Lord.  I’m watching them make horrible decisions simply because they desperately want love.  And as I watch them make those decisions, I don’t judge them.

‘Cause I know what it feels like to come from a background where there wasn’t enough love.  You kind of start craving it.  And I think we all know that it doesn’t take long for a craving to become an addiction.

One time, I was introduced to someone rather famous.  She didn’t know me or what I do or really anything about me (at least to my knowledge).  But she looked me in the eye and said “Make the next right decision.  And after you make that one, make the next right decision.”

And so, that’s what this 23 year old is trying to do right now.

Whew.  That was harder than I thought.

It is safe to assume that we will be making extra vet visits in the near future.

May 28th, 2008 by Amy Beth

So, today I took Snuggles and Cuddles for their last puppy shot.  To my surprise, a rather good looking male nurse (is that what you call a vet’s assistant?) came into the waiting room and said “Snuggles?  Cuddles?”  I grabbed the kennel and whispered to the boys that they had better behave while mommy was talking to Mr. Nurse.  I like to think that I’m single because my dogs have run all the available boys off.

Please don’t shatter my dreams, interlings.

When we got to the exam room, Mr. Nurse started playing with the puppies and DARE I SAY IT… almost flirting with me?!?  Either that or he was aiming to win Male Nurse Customer Service Award of the Year.  I’m not sure what he was exactly saying to me as I was too busy making sure his left ring finger was wild and free.

They had to have some blood drawn, so he told me he wanted to take them out of the room because he was afraid it would upset me.  As I handed Snuggles over, I said “Oh, please take care of him.  I really love him.”

DO NOT SHAME ME, INTERLINGS.  It slipped out!

But God bless that male nurse’s heart because he pulled Snuggles to his chest and started patting him on the head.  And then said “Of course I’ll take care of him, just as if he was my own.”

At which point I (of course) said “He CAN be your own as soon as you and I get married!”

Just kidding.

Or am I?

I know I should have been thinking about poor Snuggles’ fate while he was gone, but I’m just gonna go ahead and admit that I was really thinking about how I could casually slip my single status into the conversation when Mr. Nurse returned.  I still didn’t have a plan when he came back, but thankfully, Cuddles had to go back with him.

Who knew having two puppies would buy me so much creative thinking time?

When he came back with Cuddles, we started chatting about the usual puppy stuff.  When the timing was awkward right, I casually said “‘You know, it’s awfully lonely being a single mother.”

I KNOW!  HOW SMART AM I?

But actually, it turns out that I’m not that smart ’cause he said “Oh, you have kids?”

And then there was awkward silence while I tried to figure out a way to explain that I was referring to being a single puppy mother which, in itself, is pretty weird on it’s own.

Needless to say, I didn’t walk out of there with a date.  I did, however, walk out with a certain male nurse carrying the puppies to my car at his insistence.

OH YES HE DID.

In other words, I should be sending ya’ll wedding invitations any day now.  Watch your email.

However, if they ever speak badly of Shamu, I will correct them in public in a heartbeat.

May 28th, 2008 by Amy Beth

I’ve got to be honest.  When I went to bed last night, I had every intention of waking up this morning and gracing you with a post that went something like “Want to know what works for me on this Wednesday?  NOTHING.  Nothing works for me.  How’s that for reality?”

And I’m not going to even tell you why I was in such a tizzy when I went to bed last night.  However, it rhymes with “toys.”

As well as “joys.”

And it begins with a “b.”

Moving. On.

One of the things that I have found to work for me related to Starlite is choosing to praise in public and correct in private when it comes to the college-aged girls on my leadership team. We have a LOT of people that volunteer with Starlite; I usually know less than 10% of our volunteer team at the end of each year. But I know 100% of my leadership team and I try to get to know them well.

Each semester is different, but there’s usually around 20 - 23 girls on our leadership team. Each of them have a very specific role in Starlite — from running one of the actual programs each week to being in charge of special events to managing our office.

I could write a month’s worth of posts on working with this team — what works, what doesn’t, the good days and the bad. We’re all human, so when one of us is choosing to have a bad attitude, it can easily affect the rest of our team — especially if the person having the bad attitude is me.

I’m sure my girls reading this can’t remember one single time I’ve had a bad attitude (PROCESSED NACHO CHEESE DAYS; PROCESSED NACHO CHEESE DAYS; PROCESSED NACHO CHEESE DAYS).

Ahem.

One of the most helpful pieces of advice that has ever been given to me came from my college pastor, Hugh. Even though I’m not in college anymore, he’s still my pastor along with deserving the title of Wisest Man I Have Ever Met. During one of my frequent calls to him that started out with “Hugh, I need some advice” and ended with wailing and gnashing of teeth (on my part, of course), Hugh told me that I should always try to praise my leadership team girls in public and correct them in private.

That might sound pretty basic to you, but the more I thought about my daily interaction with them, the more I realized how much I could incorporate that into actual reality. One of my favorite ways to praise them happens during our regular weekly meetings. Sometime during the meeting, I call one of the girl’s parents. When I start dialing the number, my girls never know who’s parents I’m calling. I pre-arrange the calls so that the parents will know I’m going to be calling at a specific time and will definitely answer.

Once I have the parents on the line (sometimes both mom and dad are on extensions!), I say something along the lines of “Mr. & Mrs. So-and-So? I’m calling tonight to brag on your daughter Molly. She is doing a fantastic job with her program in Starlite this semester; in fact, the principal at the school she’s at told me that she’s the best Sparkle leader we’ve ever had there. On a more personal level, I’ve been watching how faithful Molly’s been to go to her classes. She’s really doing a great job balancing all the different areas of her life………..”

This conversation goes past that, but I think that gives you an idea. Normally, the girl that is being talked about has a face red as a tomato and is about to faint while she waits to see if I’ll mention to her parents that she’s got a new boyfriend that they don’t know about yet (ah, the power I hold in my hands!). I do the calls on speaker phone so that the girl can hear her parent’s reactions as I’m telling them about her. And, of course, I always ask the parents if there’s any embarrassing story about their daughter that they’d like to share while we’re all on the line.

This is, of course, only one way I go about praising them — Friday’s Face on this very bloggy is another way I try to spotlight their cute little selves. Most of my girls don’t comment on the blog, but do I hear about it later on. “When am I going to be on Friday’s Face?” Or, “I’m ready for my Friday’s Face interview whenever you are.” Of course, once they’re featured, they’ve got no reason left to read the blog each week.

I find other ways to praise them, too — letters to grandparents on our letterhead with an extra copy sent to my girls; random phone calls to them praising them for something specific they’ve done above and beyond the call of duty, etc. In fact, I was just thinking yesterday of some new things I want to do for them this fall — but I can’t write about that here just yet.

And then there’s the correction. Ugh. As much as I hate it, there are times — though they are thankfully few and far between — where correction has to happen. I absolutely hate that part, but there are times I just have to do it. The great thing about my girls is that they want to grow — not only as a ministry but also as individuals so they handle the correction like pros. I remember one meeting from this past semester where I had to talk to them about some areas that we (as a team) were slacking in. On my way home that night, I got 9 texts / phone calls from my girls thanking me for bringing up those topics. Just writing that last sentence makes me so proud of my mature girls that I could almost cry.

One of girls, Laura, calls those instances “Times When AB Has to Rock Her Leader Shoes.” I can’t tell you how much I laugh when I get a text from Laura saying something like “You were really rocking those leader shoes tonight! Wear ‘em, girl!”

For those of you who need translation (trust me, I did too) what she’s saying is that she knows I’ve got to trade in my friend flip flops for leader high heels sometimes because that’s my job.

Well, in addition to raising the money to purchase 483,937,258 vats of processed nacho cheese each year.  ‘Cause, sadly, that’s my job, too.  We got a lot of little mouths to feed, you know.

For more WFMW posts, go here.

Preach it, girlfriend.

May 27th, 2008 by Amy Beth

In light of my rambling post from 3 a.m. last night (and if you thought THAT was bad, be glad that you don’t have to read my personal diary), I thought you might enjoy this.  When I walked into my office this morning, there was a new stack of journals from one of our middle school programs.  If you’ll remember, we give the girls 20 minutes to write in their journals each week and then they give them to their small group leader who takes them home to respond to them before bringing them back the next week. 

As I was moving the stack out of the way, I glanced down at one of them and noticed the word “BOYS” scrawled in all caps.  I was, of course, intrigued and decided to investigate.  Here’s what I read, straight from the journal of a sixth grade girl:

Hey, wuz up!

I thought I was going out with this really hot guy named ——, but I got 2 church last night and he said he was just playing around and had another girlfriend.  I felt like crying!  I made up a poem about it.

{The poem is written here, but she has scribbled it out to where you can’t read it anymore.}

I’m through w/ guys.  They all tell lies, the break your heart and make you cry.  Loving guys is such a sin. 

HEY - check out that guy that just walked into the cafeteria!!!”

I love how she was “through with guys” until she looked up to see an apparent hottie walking by our program.  And I’m just oh so blessed by the knowledge that “loving guys is such a sin.”

The last time I landed in this city…

May 27th, 2008 by Amy Beth

The last time I landed in this city, I was still trying to decide whether to start a blog or not.

The last time I landed in this city, I had just walked across a stage to get my last diploma.

The last time I landed in this city, I was in love with someone for the first time in my life.

The last time I landed in this city, I turned on my cell before I was allowed just so I could text him.

The last time I landed in this city, I drove all night just so I’d be back in the town we lived in.

The last time I landed in this city, I showed up on his doorstep at his request.

But tonight when I landed in this city.

Tonight when I landed in this city, I was the only person on the plane sitting alone.

Tonight when I landed in this city, I turned on my cell before I was allowed. Again.

Tonight when I landed in this city, I drove all night just so I’d be back in the town where my puppies live.

Tonight when I landed in this city, I showed up on my doorstep not wanting to go into my dark house alone.

And yet.

Tonight when I crawled into bed, I reminded myself that saying yes to what God’s trying to do in my life sometimes means saying no to what I’d like to keep in my life.

So, I’ll keep saying yes even when I want to say no.  And I’ll keep saying no even when I want to say yes.

(P.S. - Thanks for letting me grow in front of you.)

The time has come for me to tell you the truth.

May 26th, 2008 by Amy Beth

There’s a part of me that I’ve been hiding from you. An addiction I didn’t want you to know about. I’m sorry to have kept it from you for so long, but I just wasn’t sure what you’d think about me after you knew about it.

But now, I’m coming clean. I’m just putting it all out there. I am throwing myself at your feet and begging for your understanding.

I’m in love. And he’s here to stay.

UPDATED TO ADD: I have now received two messages from my college-aged leaders (don’t worry; I’m keeping your identity a secret — at least for now) in Starlite saying that they’ve spent some quality time with my new love after watching this video. I don’t know how I feel about this. I am a bit jealous.

I am, quite obviously, a smitten kitten.

May 25th, 2008 by Amy Beth

I brought my “husband journal” with me on vacation this week, knowing that I’d have some extra time to write in it. I was flipping through it tonight, reading over entries from several years ago and came across a few that I thought you might like a peek at, especially since most of you didn’t “know” me then.

I debated whether or not to post them, not because I didn’t want to but because I wondered if my future Mr. Right would mind. But I think he’ll be okay with these being out there — anything for the interlings, right?

So, enjoy. Or not. We shall see.

I’ve been trying to cultivate things in me that will make me a good wife. And, as much as I hate it, it’s my duty to report that… well, it isn’t working.

The crazy thing is that I do try! I try to fix dinner and end up starting a fire. I make plans to do all the laundry and end up falling asleep on the couch. And so on… yep, it is pretty pathetic.

I suppose you’ll already know all of this by the time you’re reading this. Well, unless I’ve had some kind of domestic miracle. And if THAT happens, I’ll be tearing this page right out of this journal.

I sure hope you know how to cook. And do laundry. And… be the love of my life, of course.

Loving you even now,

amy beth

And then there’s this one, written near Valentine’s Day one year…

Darling,

You are my heart. Red and pinks are all around and I’m only thinking of you. You are my heart.

I can’t wait to hold you and kiss you and smile at you. I can’t wait to want you and know that I’m wanted back. I can’t wait to hold your hand.

I love you even more than you can begin to imagine. You’re beautiful to me already, because I know you’re the one that God has created for me. You’re designed for me and I’m designed for you. We’re going to fit together perfectly. Just wait and see.

amy beth

P.S. - When you kiss me, could you please hold my face in your hands? I’d really like that.

And then lastly…

Darling,

Back from a week at Disney World. Couldn’t help but think of you all the time. They have these new hat things — one is a Minnie Mouse bridal veil and the other is a black Mickey top hat for the groom. Every single time I saw a couple wearing them, I wished we were that couple. Running around, being happy. Being together.

Baby, how is it possible that I already love you so much when I don’t even know who you are yet? You’re changing my world and I’m not sure you’re even in my world yet! Suddenly, everything I do makes me think of you. I trust God’s timing and I know He has my best (and your best) in mind, but I still want to be with you.

When we’re finally together, we’re going to watch chick flicks over and over together. But don’t worry; we’ll make out during the slow parts.

amy beth

A view from under my umbrella, ella, ella…

May 24th, 2008 by Amy Beth

Wish you were here.  No, really.  Seriously, how much fun would THAT be?

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