While swimming at the Y tonight… # 2
I got the proofs back from last Saturday’s photo shoot. Alex is a great photographer, but I had a hard time looking through the photos. I couldn’t find anything that looked… well, pretty.
One of our Starlite leaders, Magen, was with me while I was going through the photos. When I reached the end of the several hundred shots, I quietly said that I wished we had a different “face” for Starlite other than mine.
That’s kind of sad, isn’t it?
Before I started my laps at the Y tonight, I stood in one end of the pool stretching. In addition to regularly swimming laps, I also take a Pilates class that actually takes place in the pool. The stretches look like ballet moves, so naturally, I love doing them. As I finished up, a woman who was watching her child swim walked over to me and asked me where I had bought my bathing suit. I told her it was from Target (obviously) and she told me that she had been watching me from the moment I got into the pool. I laughed nervously and told her I wasn’t sure why she’d do such a thing. Her eyes got wide as she said “Oh, you look like a ballerina in an evening gown! Everyone’s been watching you!”
My face turned as pink as this little bloggy.
Around this time, two young girls swam up to me. I didn’t recognize them, but as soon as they said “Miss Amy Beth?” I knew they were from one of our Starlite programs. I chatted them up, hoping that they’d mention which program they’re in so I’d have more to talk to them about. I hate that I don’t know all of our girls, but that’s rather impossible at this point.
When I asked the girls how school was going, the floodgates opened. They told me that they had tried out for the dance team, but only the “skinny, white girls” had been chosen. This was an interesting comment since these two girls were both skinny and white themselves. When I gently mentioned that, both of them cut me off to argue that they’re not skinny. And yet, they are — even though they don’t see it.
I don’t know what the point is of me telling you this story. All I know is that I wish I knew how to get the girls we serve to see how beautiful they are — not just on the inside, but also on the outside.
But that’s hard when you haven’t grasped it yourself, isn’t it? Here’s what I do know though: if we — oh, I’m definitely including myself in this — don’t get a hold of how God views us, we run the risk of falling, sliding and jumping into an awful lot of pits.
I’ve never met a girl with an eating disorder who told me that she just woke up that night and decided to start throwing up each meal she ate. I’ve never had a girl sit across from me and tell me that it is fun to starve herself. That just hasn’t happened.
But I have, as a very wounded middle schooler, sat on my bathroom floor trying with all my might to throw up. I’ve walked through the hallway of my high school vowing that I’d do whatever it took to be as skinny as the girl opening her locker beside me. And, as a freshman in college, I’ve stood looking in the mirror with tears rolling down my cheeks while clutching a bottle of diet pills that I eventually threw away.
And so I still don’t have it all worked out. And I know that admitting that means I’ll get some email telling me I don’t have any business trying to help girls until all my own ducks are in a row. That’s okay — I understand that mentality.
But what I also understand is that when two middle school girls swim up to me and tell me that they don’t feel pretty enough, I get what they’re saying. I pay attention to it. I listen.
And, by God — literally, by God — I’m going to keep working on figuring it out. Because there’s a whole lot more riding on me figuring it out for my own life. I’ve got ten schools worth of girls staring into their own mirrors tonight.
No one knocked on my bathroom door back then to tell me I was beautiful. No one came up to me by the lockers and told me I was enough for God. And no one stood in my dorm room promising me that I didn’t need those pills to get him to notice me.
And so, I — and all of the other Starlite leaders and volunteers that I serve with — are gonna do it. We’re going to knock on those bathroom doors. We’re going to walk down those high school hallways. And we’re going to slip into those dorm rooms.
And we’re not going to be afraid to look into our own mirrors, too.
Posted: May 14th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 35
Comments
Comment from Christy
Time: May 14, 2008, 9:26 pm
beautiful post from a beautiful person.
It is people like you and your starlite workers and volunteers that are going to make a difference in a young girls life and show her that she is beautiful, because that is the way she was created by our Father.
Blessings.
Comment from Hokey Pokey Girl
Time: May 14, 2008, 9:29 pm
Just found you via LPM and LOVE your site and LOVE your ministry and can’t wait to learn more about you and the ministry. Does your ministry travel?
Comment from Jennifer M.
Time: May 14, 2008, 9:38 pm
I love it Amy Beth!
You are a beautiful person. You have a beautiful heart and you reach out to girls when they need it most… MIDDLE SCHOOL!
No one should judge “if you have it all together enough to mentor these girls”. I personally feel that because of your honestly and willingness to share your story you are MORE capable of reaching out to them.
Water Pilates??? Sounds like fun!
Comment from Another Jenn C
Time: May 14, 2008, 10:08 pm
Precious Amy Beth, beloved of God,
I so wish our culture didn’t place so much emphasis on the “external man.” God doesn’t. He looks right through all of that straight into our hearts. And I KNOW that when He looks into yours, He sees boundless beauty and great worth. His love is pure love, not tainted with all the earthly and finite things of this earth.
The girls you serve – and the leaders you are mentoring – are learning something far more important than learning to be content with how God made them. That IS important; I don’t mean to discount that at all. But what they are learning – what you are teaching – is that Jesus is the Beautiful One, and because we are created in the image of God, we are also beautiful.
I hope that one day, God will look at my heart and see something that pleases Him as much as when He looks at yours because that would mean He is seeing Jesus in BOTH of us. I can’t think of anything more beautiful than that.
Comment from Mandy
Time: May 14, 2008, 10:13 pm
If you had it all figured out, do you think these girls would confide in you? I doubt it. They can see vulnerability in your eyes. You are their soft place to fall.
Love your heart in this post. I’m tellingyou…we’re seperated at birth. Well, except the blonde hair, and the accent.
Comment from Kelly @ Love Well
Time: May 14, 2008, 10:53 pm
AB, your sweet heart and authenticity are captivating.
“The King is enthralled with your beauty.” Psalm 45:11
Believe Him. And sleep well tonight, ballerina.
Comment from Amanda
Time: May 14, 2008, 11:19 pm
Yes, girl!
Comment from kat
Time: May 14, 2008, 11:19 pm
another beautiful post. and these comments are rockin’ tonite! i love mandy’s reference to you being these girls “soft place”.
its fitting isn’t it, that so often our lifes passions are born of our very own *issues*. and while we fight the good fight yet feel so often that we’re flailing around aimlessly, God knows EXACTLY what He’s doing, and what your purpose is, in it.
i remember a moment in my life when i had come to the end of my rope as i knew it, at the time. i found myself sobbing to a complete stranger in a church and amazed that she didn’t turn away from all the *ugliness* that was me, inside and out.
instead, she held me. and told me that when i was weak, God was strong. that He couldn’t very well use PERFECT people to do what He needed. and this? right here? was exactly where He’d needed me to be. and i was the PERSON He meant me to be.
that these wounds and issues and hardships and even the stupid, stupid choices i’d made, were for a reason. even if that reason was so i could understand where other people were coming from. maybe, when noone else would. in essence, walking His walk.
every little girl needs that encouragement. that inner love, deep rooted.
you walk His walk every day you let your spirit shine. we all struggle on this path…this journey…from time to time. and in the same way you celebrate each one of these beautiful girls hearts, God is helping you to celebrate your own.
in the words of a sage fish,
just keep swimming. just keep swimming.
Comment from Sarah
Time: May 15, 2008, 7:34 am
He’ll keep walking with you, AB, till He’s convinced you if how beautiful you really are. That woman at the pool…it was God using her to speak to you…
Right where you are…seeking Him is the right place…if we waited till we had all our ducks in a row, who would EVER be fit to minister!?!? NOT ME! 
Keep up that beautiful ministry, those girls need to hear your encouraging words…God’s speaking through you to them. Isn’t that incredible!!! Be blessed AB.
Comment from Kate
Time: May 15, 2008, 7:41 am
Amy,
Thank you for being so honest and transparent. I found your website through Works for me Wednesday and spent my whole lunch hour reading your blog yesterday and came back for more this morning.
Your ministry sounds truly God inspired. I am not usually one to comment but I just couldn’t stop the spirit after reading your last story. I can totally relate to your story. I have struggled my whole life with my outside dwellings. It is a daily battle to submit to God’s love and find my confidence in him. I pray that more and more women like you will take the time to love on the next generation of women and inspire them to find confidence in a God who loves them beyond any love we will ever know on earth.
Joyfully His,
Kate
Comment from Cassidy Gallup
Time: May 15, 2008, 8:16 am
another thing, something I’ve done that now i’m not so proud about, is when I pray that God blesses my food to the nourishment of my body, I pray that it doesn’t nourish me too much because i’m supposed to be dieting. isn’t that just weird. well i’m definitely going to stop doing that now.
Comment from Jenna
Time: May 15, 2008, 8:48 am
Girl, you hit the nail right on the head. Amen, and BIG Amen.
Comment from Amanda Wootten
Time: May 15, 2008, 8:48 am
Amy Beth,
I sooo can relate! That is one reason I am still in bondage today. With God’s help though I and every woman and girl out there can be FREE. My hope is that I can get ti together so that I can help my girls with the struggles they will face in the coming years. Thanks so much for the ministry you have. I hope one day you will be able to go around the country with this!
Believing God to free us!!!
Amanda in SC
Comment from Jennifer
Time: May 15, 2008, 8:50 am
So good. You’ve spoken to the 13 yr old inside me and the 35 yr old on the outside.
Comment from Lauren
Time: May 15, 2008, 9:31 am
Wow AB. I am speechless.
Comment from Rachelle
Time: May 15, 2008, 10:10 am
I love this post! You are doing an amazing job impacting lives. Be encouraged.
Comment from Diane
Time: May 15, 2008, 10:42 am
I see Jesus when I read your words and look at you.
Comment from Cindy-Still His Girl
Time: May 15, 2008, 12:04 pm
Here’s what I have a hard time wrapping my mind around… I’ve only “known” you such a short time and yet you are dear to me. I don’t get to see you in your ministry at all yet I know you are effective and amazing. So I can’t begin to imagine what those who are blessed to be around you in real life must see when they look at you or when they hear your name. You ARE beautiful, girl. Inside AND- did you hear me?-AND out!
And I know that I would LOVE someone like you and your girls involved in my daughters’ lives as they get older. What a gift you are to the girls’ parents!!
I heart you lots and lots today!
Comment from Honor Annekins Harris
Time: May 15, 2008, 12:42 pm
AB, I needed to read this today. And it looks as though I’m not the only one.
Comment from Sherilyn
Time: May 15, 2008, 12:56 pm
I think that people who don’t “have all their ducks in a row” are sometimes the best people to talk to. At least if you’re trying to get things all figured out as well. Those who have been there can relate so much better than those who haven’t. You’re doing a great thing w/ Starlight. Those girls are lucky to have a program like that & a leader who cares so much about them.
Comment from halfmoon girl
Time: May 15, 2008, 2:59 pm
That was awesome. Thank you- we need more people like you talking to our girls- sometimes they hear it better from someone who isn’t MOM.
Comment from Natalie Witcher
Time: May 15, 2008, 5:33 pm
PREACH IT! LOVE YOU!
Comment from Beth
Time: May 15, 2008, 9:02 pm
What a wonderful post. You made me cry but it was a good cry. Your girls are so blessed that you are in their lives. You are beautiful…inside and out and don’t you ever forget that.
Comment from Kristin Evans
Time: May 15, 2008, 9:05 pm
Well said. Great post Amy Beth!
Comment from Jackie
Time: May 16, 2008, 12:16 am
I found you through Cindy’s blog, and this is seriously one of the BEST posts I have ever read. I don’t even know you, yet I can tell you are one of those absolutely real people that God has handpicked for the ministry you do. And…who of us has it all figured out? I think that’s all part of His perfect plan. Love your openness, your honesty, your heart.
Comment from lhuv
Time: August 2, 2008, 10:48 pm
Thank you for your site. I have found here much useful information…
Comment from Rosina
Time: September 30, 2008, 9:56 am
The site\’\'s very professional! Keep up the good work! Oh yes, one extra comment – maybe you could add more pictures too! So, good luck to your team!
Comment from Siber
Time: October 24, 2008, 3:13 am
Magnificent collection of prayers – and I haven\’t begun to explore the rest of the website!
Comment from john
Time: October 26, 2008, 9:47 pm
Wonderful and informative web site.I used information from that site its great.
Comment from Kathy
Time: November 3, 2008, 11:21 pm
This is very interesting site
Comment from Timmy
Time: November 5, 2008, 8:21 am
Nice site… Cool guestbook…e
Comment from Willem
Time: November 5, 2008, 11:17 pm
Thank you for your site. I have found here much useful information…-
Comment from Vince
Time: November 10, 2008, 7:30 pm
A fantastic site, and brilliant effort. A great piece of work.
Pingback from Ministry So Fabulous! » A look back at the great ‘08.
Time: December 29, 2008, 4:34 pm
[...] terror from the birds and then having to call Jeff in for the rescue. This was also the month I wrote about not feeling pretty and the practice perfection of abstinence for this single girl. I had a conversation with the [...]
back to Home
Comment from Brandy T.
Time: May 14, 2008, 8:50 pm
Love love LOVE this post. Not even sure what else to say… I love it!