The next right decision.
When I came home a few minutes ago, Katie took one look at me and instantly knew I had been crying. Her boyfriend was over, so I just said a quick hello and made my way to my room. I had barely shut the door when I got her text: “You’re not okay…”
Can I be honest with you, tonight, in a late night post that I may delete in a bit because I suddenly regret writing it?
Here’s the thing about bloggies… it’s been said a million times, in a bajillion different ways but I think we all know that each post we write is just a snapshot a moments in the writer’s life. As for me, there’s a lot that goes on within Starlite that I can’t tell you about simply because it isn’t my business to tell. On some of the days when I’ve posted something that you’ve called funny, I’ve sat reading your comments while crying over the story I heard in my office only a few minutes before.
But here’s what I can do: I can tell you when I’m hurting. And, to be honest, I’m hurting a little bit right now. I’m in a season that is an anniversary of sorts of a very painful part of my past. And, unfortunately, one of the areas of my life that I’m still having to work on is not ignoring pain and just pretending it will go away. I have a bad habit of not grieving losses or hurts when they happen and then experiencing that pain later on — with interest added, of course.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I sure would appreciate you praying for me, if you think about it or feel led. Without going into specifics, I just need to continue to walk in forgiveness towards a few people in my life. And to not walk away in fear from them, either.
I’m smart enough to know that this season of my life — my twenties — is very important when it comes to the rest of my life. The decisions I’ll be making in the next few years — and the decisions I make tonight — matter. A lot.
I’m watching a lot of my girlfriends from middle school, high school and even college just walk away from the Lord. I’m watching them make horrible decisions simply because they desperately want love. And as I watch them make those decisions, I don’t judge them.
‘Cause I know what it feels like to come from a background where there wasn’t enough love. You kind of start craving it. And I think we all know that it doesn’t take long for a craving to become an addiction.
One time, I was introduced to someone rather famous. She didn’t know me or what I do or really anything about me (at least to my knowledge). But she looked me in the eye and said “Make the next right decision. And after you make that one, make the next right decision.”
And so, that’s what this 23 year old is trying to do right now.
Whew. That was harder than I thought.
i love you sweetie im praying for you have a good night!
Praying. You’ve actually been on my heart for a few days now – how timely our Jesus is. We’ve never met and yet He has been whispering to my heart on YOUR behalf. Darling sista, you are right smack dab in the middle of the greatest love story ever told. Your King is crazy about you. And He knows it all…
Rock your tan. Write your Man. And what that Shamu cam! : ) lol. Ok, before I dare try and rhyme anything else…I’m going to go.
You know.
Fo’ Sho.
Oh my.
Praying for you this morngin,AB. You’re not alone in the struggle. I also totally get what you mean about having a whole other part of your life (Starlite) that is going on and you can’t share it…I feel it all the time in ministry…stuff that is not my business to share, but stuff that weighs heavy on my heart. Thank you for sharing your heart.
praying….
My heart goes out to you. I will be praying. You are becoming such a beautiful woman of courage, strength and wisdom. HE is guiding you. Continue to trust Him. Your growth is amazing to watch. Thank you so much for sharing such deep parts of your heart. You are an inspiration to me and so many others by your honesty and openness. We are all learning from your testimony today.
PRaying for you.
I really appreciate the passion and dedication that you have for your ministry. You are such a wonderful person that I am inspired by every time I read your blog. I will be praying for you!
If you need to chat, you know where to find me. And if you need a pick me up, go to my blog, there’s a great video I did with my BFF. I’m sure you’ll laugh
I love what James says. “… the effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” There are many “righteous” (through the blood of Christ, of course) out there in the blogsophere who are praying for you today. I am one of them (my own righteousness is as filthy rags, but Jesus in me allows me to tap into His).
Forgiveness is one of the most difficult battles we as believers face. My own struggle with that continues daily, and so that request for prayer hits home. The privilege of being in ministry is often accompanied by the burden of being unable to fully share your heart. Living that daily, I know your struggle well. But the Lord’s mercies are new every morning and are ours for the asking.
Praying for you today… and always. You are a blessing to me.
You know, I had one of those nights too. I had a couple difficult situations to handle in our youth group last night that weighed heavy on my heart. Just think though…the same way that we grieve and hurt for someone else is magnified by how our Heavenly Father feels toward us. When we hurt (even over girly stuff), He hurts with us. We’re never alone! I know I’ve never met you Amy Beth, but you communicate your heart pretty well through your blog. I appreciate your ministry, and YOU!!!
You are precious beyond comparison, Miss Amy Beth. Don’t believe the lion’s lies. You ARE loved — both by the Creator of the very universe and by many in your real life. And I am one of them. (Can a bloggy friend say that?)
Praying for you — that God would encourage your heart today.
Sweetie, if I could hold your hand right now I would. You are in my thoughts and my prayers and whatever it takes to get you through the next few days, know that you have Him holding your hand too.