Updated to Add: A friendly guy from the local Buy-A-Fire-Extinguisher Place-y was just here and has now installed a 10 pound-er right in our hallway.  While I was watching him drill the holes to attach it, I couldn’t help but notice that it didn’t match our decor.  I asked if I could take it back off the wall to paint it so it would blend in.  He said no and mumbled something about it being red for a reason.  Whatev’.

Fire Department Guy: “You need a larger fire extinguisher for the office.”

Me: “Okay.  Where do you suggest I buy one at?”

Fire Department Guy: (Blank stare.)

Me: “I mean, are we talking Target?  Or Wal-Mart?”

Fire Department Guy: “No.  You’ll need to find a company that sells them and have them come and install it for you.”

Me: “Oh.  Well, okay.  I’ll get right on that.”

Fire Department Guy: “Also, you’re going to need a fhjakhgfajuebj piece for your breaker box.”

Me: (Blank stare.)  “Um, could you please repeat that?”

Fire Department Guy: “Yeah, you need a jhfuierhak part for your breaker box to bring it to code.”

Me: “Would you mind to spell that for me?  And, can I buy it at Target?”

On days like this, I wouldn’t mind being a boy.  I’d really miss wearing pink almost every day, but at least I’d know what a gyuodjakldf part is and where to buy it.

I’d miss my wellies, too.

Oh, don’t pretend like you didn’t see it coming. After coming to our, um, bird rescue late last week, how could I not name Jeff as this week’s Friday Face?

The fact that 98% of you all recognized Jeff’s hotness in the comment section of a particular post also helped in my decision to bestow the honor of FF on him. I give the interlings what they demand.

FURTHERMORE, because you have been The Best Interlings Ever This Week, I have a treat for you at the end of this post. You see, I didn’t tell you but we actually edited out parts of the bird capture video. I’ve kept one little gem of a part to share with you today. Not only does it include Jeff The Hottie, but it also includes my first musical gift to you.

Try not to be jealous of my impressive singing skills. I was invited to go on tour with Celine last year, but once she heard me practicing my opening act, she totally forced me off the tour.

Anyway, sit back and enjoy the gift of Jeff-ness that I am bestowing on you this rainy Friday morning. He’s been a gift to Starlite and me for several years now.

Hello, Jeff-ey. Do you mind it when I call you that?

I actually prefer Jeff-Fah-Fah, but whatever…

Okay. I can work with that. So, tell the interlings what your “job” in Starlite is using your own, adorable words.

Sometimes I think my job is to put a smile on everyone’s face — cause I’m very easy to laugh with or at… I haven’t figured out which one yet. But on that dark, deep, secret, serious side of me, my “job” in Starlite is to role play Jesus {in Starlite dramas at special events}. It’s my attempt to offer a glimpse of a picture of what Jesus does for his children throughout their lives so as to remind those who are faint of heart how much the Lord loves them.

Talk about being faint of heart. You’ve done more with us than any of our other male volunteers. Best memory so far?

One of my best memories is actually being accepted by all of you girls from a ministry that deals with only girls. That’s one for the record books! But the most memorable moments with Starlite have been the late night drama practices. And the many ambiguous proposals of marriage from the head of Starlite herself.

I have no idea what you could be referring to, Jeff-Fah-Fah. Give us the behind the scenes perspective of what Starlite’s really like from a guy’s perspective.

Starlite is the sum of all fears — no adults, no rules, anything goes as long as it can be covered by the Starlite credit card.

Jeff! First of all, I am definitely an adult. Secondly, I think we have plenty of rules but I’ll be happy to throw some more in for you. And lastly, there is no such thing as the “Starlite credit card.” That’s actually my credit card we use to get everyone dinner off Wendy’s dollar menu after sleepovers.

Again, on that dark, deep, secret, serious side of me, Starlite is one of the greatest ministries I have ever worked with because the people you meet in it act the same “off the clock” from the ministry. Genuine, real and brutally fun to be around.

So other than being Starlite’s main man, what are you studying in college?

I don’t in any way consider myself to be Starlite’s “main man,” but I do kind of role play that person. I’m studying a Wah-Wonderful Double Major in Public Relations and Marketing.

And what do you want to do with that degree other than marry one of my Starlite leaders?

I don’t know if I’ll marry a Starlite leader or volunteer, but ever since I became involved with the ministry, my standards have been raised by everyone involved in the ministry. (This is a compliment in case I wrote it incorrectly.) I want to first and foremost know God and make Him known. I would also like to work for a ministry-oriented corporation such as Compassion, traveling the world and seven seas (while still waiting for that one amazing bride-to-be).

Jeff, we love you.

And now, I present “Jeff: The Bonus Feature.” Feel free to send me thank you notes for this one.

Okay, time to ‘fess up.

Yesterday, when I asked you what your favorite way to give love, I didn’t exactly ask you how you like to receive love.  Okay, I didn’t ask it at all.  So, now I want to know how you like to be loved.  I’ll begin.

My receiving love language (insert giggles here) is physical touch. 

BUT — do not fear, I am working on changing it to “words of affirmation.”  Because, I think we all know that having “physical touch” as your love language as a single, 23 year old girl can get you into Big Trouble.  Forget leaving room for the Holy Spirit; I’m gonna need to make space for the whole Trinity on that couch.

Ahem.  So, feel free to share. 

Hwelozies. Dis is Snuggles y Cuddles agin. We knowed da interwings myssed us. We ben buzy slweeping and eatin’ and slweeping sum more.

We iz here 2 twell u about da bwiggest injuwstice we iz ever sean. It awl swarted when da mommy sed “Puppiez, der is a bwox coming in da mwailbox 4 u’s.” Us gots sooooo excwited. We not no what waz coming 2 da puppiez, but we no it musted be gud.

RWONG! It no gud. It waz a TWAP! To kweep da puppiez in der pwaypen!

Now, becuz of dis wediculous twap, we no aable 2 chew da mommy’s swhoes when she no lwistening 2 us. We no no whi da mommy get swo upsetted when us chew da swhoes. Dey r tasty.

Pwease send hwelp 2 us or we be twapped here 4EVER!

Wuv,

Snuggles y Cuddles

P.s. – Kwatie? U iz our fwavorite mommie now. We lyke u beter dan dat udder mommie. En fact, we lefted u a swurpwise under u’s bed dis mworning. U iz welcome en advence.

I got the proofs back from last Saturday’s photo shoot. Alex is a great photographer, but I had a hard time looking through the photos. I couldn’t find anything that looked… well, pretty.

One of our Starlite leaders, Magen, was with me while I was going through the photos. When I reached the end of the several hundred shots, I quietly said that I wished we had a different “face” for Starlite other than mine.

That’s kind of sad, isn’t it?

Before I started my laps at the Y tonight, I stood in one end of the pool stretching. In addition to regularly swimming laps, I also take a Pilates class that actually takes place in the pool.  The stretches look like ballet moves, so naturally, I love doing them. As I finished up, a woman who was watching her child swim walked over to me and asked me where I had bought my bathing suit. I told her it was from Target (obviously) and she told me that she had been watching me from the moment I got into the pool. I laughed nervously and told her I wasn’t sure why she’d do such a thing. Her eyes got wide as she said “Oh, you look like a ballerina in an evening gown! Everyone’s been watching you!”

My face turned as pink as this little bloggy.

Around this time, two young girls swam up to me. I didn’t recognize them, but as soon as they said “Miss Amy Beth?” I knew they were from one of our Starlite programs. I chatted them up, hoping that they’d mention which program they’re in so I’d have more to talk to them about. I hate that I don’t know all of our girls, but that’s rather impossible at this point.

When I asked the girls how school was going, the floodgates opened. They told me that they had tried out for the dance team, but only the “skinny, white girls” had been chosen. This was an interesting comment since these two girls were both skinny and white themselves. When I gently mentioned that, both of them cut me off to argue that they’re not skinny. And yet, they are — even though they don’t see it.

I don’t know what the point is of me telling you this story. All I know is that I wish I knew how to get the girls we serve to see how beautiful they are — not just on the inside, but also on the outside.

But that’s hard when you haven’t grasped it yourself, isn’t it? Here’s what I do know though: if we — oh, I’m definitely including myself in this — don’t get a hold of how God views us, we run the risk of falling, sliding and jumping into an awful lot of pits.

I’ve never met a girl with an eating disorder who told me that she just woke up that night and decided to start throwing up each meal she ate. I’ve never had a girl sit across from me and tell me that it is fun to starve herself. That just hasn’t happened.

But I have, as a very wounded middle schooler, sat on my bathroom floor trying with all my might to throw up. I’ve walked through the hallway of my high school vowing that I’d do whatever it took to be as skinny as the girl opening her locker beside me. And, as a freshman in college, I’ve stood looking in the mirror with tears rolling down my cheeks while clutching a bottle of diet pills that I eventually threw away.

And so I still don’t have it all worked out. And I know that admitting that means I’ll get some email telling me I don’t have any business trying to help girls until all my own ducks are in a row. That’s okay — I understand that mentality.

But what I also understand is that when two middle school girls swim up to me and tell me that they don’t feel pretty enough, I get what they’re saying. I pay attention to it. I listen.

And, by God — literally, by God — I’m going to keep working on figuring it out. Because there’s a whole lot more riding on me figuring it out for my own life. I’ve got ten schools worth of girls staring into their own mirrors tonight.

No one knocked on my bathroom door back then to tell me I was beautiful. No one came up to me by the lockers and told me I was enough for God. And no one stood in my dorm room promising me that I didn’t need those pills to get him to notice me.

And so, I — and all of the other Starlite leaders and volunteers that I serve with — are gonna do it. We’re going to knock on those bathroom doors. We’re going to walk down those high school hallways. And we’re going to slip into those dorm rooms.

And we’re not going to be afraid to look into our own mirrors, too.

Throughout the summer months, I’m going to participate in the Works for me Wednesday carnival because there is a percentage of ya’ll that want to actually hear about Starlite.

Why you are not satisfied with me and my Imaginary Boyfriend, I cannot explain.

Also — it is difficult to do Well Said Wednesday when no one around me is saying, um, well said things. Most of my college girls are gone for the summer, leaving me with a couple of puppies and a roommate who continues to insist on sending me text messages in Spanish.

Speaking of Katie, if there was a Well Said Wednesday this week, she’d probably have won it. She came into my bedroom the other night, looked around at the mess (I’VE BEEN BUSY, OKAY?) and uttered only one word.

Unfortunately, I can’t list it here.

She then said “Are you ever gonna clean up this junk?” And I said “Yes, jerkasaurus.” And then she said “Good. If you need an example of what a clean room looks like, feel free to check mine out.”

Whatev’.

ANYWAY, back to ministry. I am a big fan of people loving the people around them. It is especially important for that love to come from family. But a lot of times, it doesn’t. And so we, as Christians, need to step up to the plate and start loving.

My tip is to embrace whatever love language you give from. (And yes, I also can’t believe I just wrote that sentence. Love language? Oh my.) I’ll give you an example based on, um, me. Because that’s all I’ve got for you. I apologize.

My love language (there it goes again!) is giving gifts. I love to give people things. Love it. And so, I show my love to people around me by giving gifts. And putting thought into it. And, on occasion, actually wrapping the gifts myself paying one of our broke Starlite college girls to wrap it for me.

I don’t have a lot of picture examples I can show you from Starlite, since I don’t post the girls’ faces without about 457,389 pages of signed legal documents, but I went through my own pictures and came up with a few to show you:

When my bff Ashley had her last birthday, I decided to recreate her 12th birthday (which was right around the time we became bff’s). I planned a day full of things we would have done on her 12th birthday had we of had cars and money. We went to lunch at our favorite restaurant from back then, made bath products at a do-it-yourself store and even went to Target (obviously).

For her gifts, I had collected several things over the previous few months that I thought she might like. “I” wrapped them all in coordinating paper and ta-da! She had a gift to open at each place we went to!

I do a similar thing for all the bridal / lingerie / wedding showers I go to for my former Starlite college girls (AND HELLO I GO TO A LOT OF THESE SHOWERS). Here’s a picture of my gifts from the last one I went to, which was for a girl who started with us when she was a freshman in college:

My cousin Cate, also involved with Starlite, graduated from college recently and we went out for a fun lunch together to celebrate. Here’s her gifts, pre-wrapped:

One of the projects I’m working on right now is putting together a collection of baby gifts for a friend from college who is now going through an unplanned pregnancy. She’s pretty much on her own and I hear the loneliness in her voice every time I call her. So over the past week or so, I’ve purchased several different small baby gifts — maybe a pack of onesies or a cute toy. I planning to wrap them all tonight and go ahead and put them in labeled shipping boxes / envelopes. I’ve got them planned out to where I can send her a package every two weeks until her due date.

Demonstrating my love through giving gifts is expensive, of course. But I’ve chosen to make sacrifices in other areas of my life in order to be able to purchase small gifts, especially for people who are in a position where they truly have needs.

I also like to give in secret, especially if I’m doing anything for any of my current Starlite leaders (so we can guard against jealously and any form of dependence issues). Allison, our other employee, is really good about this as well and helps me make sure that our college girls always have food, money for gas to drive home, etc.

We demonstrate this to the girls we serve in Starlite, of course. Everything we do — from the weekly programs to the massive sleepovers — is completely free. One of my favorite ways we bless them is to set up a complete spa — manicures, pedicures, hairstyles, makeovers, etc. One year we took things to a new level by providing something “else” in the rooms where the “spa services” were taking place. For example, in the hairstyle room, we had a chocolate fountain with pretzels and other treats that the girls could have. In the pedicure room, we had pink punch in pretty glasses with umbrellas sticking out of them.

I can’t wait until we get closer to Christmas so I can tell you more about what we do for the girls then. We have a couple of donors who give a specific, very generous gift to us at Christmas so that we can give every single girl we serve — from 3rd grade on up to 12th grade — her own gift. We (obviously) purchase in mass quantities, but in order to get it shipped here, wrapped, sorted, etc. we typically begin working on this in late September. Isn’t that unbelievable?

While I love to give gifts, getting them isn’t as big of a deal to me. I’d much rather watch someone get a gift than open one of my own. Unless said gift is coming from the makers of Sunny Delight. In that case, Sunny Delight makers? Give on, my friends, give on. I am a ready and open vessel to receive of your giving.

So tell me — what’s your love language (okay, I just laughed out loud) and how do you share it with the peeps in your life?

More importantly, does your love language involve giving away Sunny Delight by any chance?

Listen, you never know who could be reading.

A few of you have emailed me to ask how my “100 Days to a New Me” thing-y is going. Or is it “My 100 Days of Health?” Or maybe “H-E-L-P! I Need More Discipline in my Life!” I call it something different every day, so I can’t actually remember what I’ve decided on.

I haven’t written much about it so far, mainly because I didn’t want to bore you more. But I thought I’d post an update every couple of weeks or so. That means you’ll only have to hear about it five times. Trust me, that’s a big sacrifice for me as well. That means I’ve got five less days to write about my hair and my Imaginary Boyfriend.

He’s doing well, by the way. I’ll tell him you asked about him.

Shall we begin with what IS working?

1. I gave up caffeine almost two weeks ago. Trying to get through my master’s program in 1.5 years gave me an addiction to a little something called highly caffeinated soft drinks. Not only do I not want to drink my calories, but I also need to drink more water. Big time. So, I’m now embracing my cup of water and ignoring all the Coke ads.

2. Interlings, I would like to introduce you to my shower wall:

What you’re seeing is three pages of laminated scripture that I typed up to help remind me of some things that I forget or choose to ignore. I’ve actually had these pages up for awhile, but I’m mentioning them here because I’ve taken a renewed interest in getting my scripture on while in the shower. For example, while I’m applying conditioner, I’m probably also saying “I am without blame before Him in love.” Thank you, 1 Peter 1:6 and Ephesians 1:4. You’re the best.

3. I’m swimming like a little fish these days. Here’s my thing about exercise: if I don’t like what I’m doing, I don’t stay committed. Right or wrong, that’s where I’m at. But one thing I do love is lap swimming at the Y. Our Y has a beautiful indoor pool that is usually fairly empty (at least at the times I go). I take a copy of the scriptures shown above (I have a set for my car, for my suitcase, etc.) and take it in with me to the Y on certain days. Since it is laminated, I can put it at the end of my lane and glance over at a new scripture for the next lap. Other days I’ll spend my laps praying for people in my life; two laps for each member of Starlite’s leadership team equals a very good workout. Yesterday I did alphabet laps — basically, do a lap for every letter of the alphabet and concentrate on some attribute of God during that lap. A is for how attentive He is to my needs; C is for the confidence He provides for us; H is for how hot Jeff is.

Just seeing if you were still with me. Actually, yesterday H stood for the honesty that God wants me to have in my life. Which, in my opinion, fits right in with saying that Jeff is hot. Honestly.

Also, lest you think I’m hyper-spiritual: at least one time during my laps, I pretend I’m training to swim with dolphins. And sometimes, if I’m really feeling wild, I pretend like there’s a dolphin in the pool with me.

4. The need for this last one is kind of hard to explain to those of you who don’t know me in real life. Basically, I wanted to have more of a routine in the morning and night. I usually wake up to emails that make me feel like I need to get right into the office to deal with whatever mini-crisis has happened in the night. Or, in the evenings, I’ll get phone calls, texts, etc. about Starlite and end up falling into bed absolutely exhausted from bringing the office home with me.

So, I thought of a few things that are “musts” to me for the morning and evenings and put them on a list. Some will seem obvious to you — I mean, I have “shower, dress, perfume” on there. But I need the daily reminder that it is okay to take the time to actually blow dry my hair after a shower instead of just hoping it will dry on the way to the office. Plus, I get to put check marks on the list. And who doesn’t like that?

That’s my current list. I only print off a week’s worth at a time since I’m constantly modifying it. See that quote at the very end? I’m reading it daily to remind myself of just why I’m working on these changes in my life:

“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.” – Jim Rohn

There’s more I’m doing, of course. I could write a whole lot about some emotional things I’m working on, but trust me, you’d get bored after awhile. I’m doing a lot of work behind the scenes on some character flaws of mine, too. Stuff that is hard work, but worth it.

And some things aren’t working. For example, I am still learning to balance extremes in my life. In other words, that 2.5 hours I spent swimming laps yesterday has left me pretty much unable to move most of my body today. I also sense that, if I’d let her, Miss Perfection would be happy to show up again to criticize what she thinks I’m not measuring up to so far. There’s a reason I said goodbye to Miss Perfection a couple of years ago, and I don’t want to see her around here anymore.

P.S. – I hope you noticed that one of my things on my daily list is to write in my “husband journal.” I wrote him something funny yesterday. Well, at least I thought it was funny. And then I wrote, again, about how I can’t wait to go to Disney World with him and scream when we ride the teacups. ‘Cause those are the closest thing to a roller coaster I’m ever getting on.

I went ahead and put “Volume 1″ because there will be more. Trust me.

While swimming at the Y today, a man swam up to me and told me he was 71. I told him that I just didn’t believe a word coming out of his mouth because he didn’t look a day over 25. He grinned and then told me I have the most beautiful eyes he’s ever seen. I then asked him if his sight is bad. He laughed and then we swam a couple of laps together.

I’m not kidding.

Then, about 45 minutes later, five little kids (I think they were all four years old) swam up to me and asked if I’d play tag with them because I “look like a grown-up kid.” And so, of course I played.

For the next 30 minutes, as a matter of fact.

For those of you who only stop by on weekdays, you missed yesterday’s explanation of what you’re about to see. Trust me, you’ll probably want to read that first in order to understand what’s going on in the video.

For those of you who wish I’d quit posting videos of myself doing embarrassing things, I agree with you.

I would just like to point out that I’m wearing a “boxy” shirt that isn’t all that FLATTERING TO MY FIGURE. But the whole point was to wear a bigger outer shirt in order to get it to “fly out” when I took the leap.

Also, don’t forget that the camera adds 10 50 pounds.

Lastly, I want you to know that I did the following leap FOUR DIFFERENT TIMES in order to get the shot we needed. The video that you’re seeing first (OH YES I’VE GOT TWO UP HERE FOR YOU) is the second time I did it, I think. And then the video after it (which is just a few seconds long) shows the third time I did it. After it was over, the photographer told me that he got three incredible shots — one with the yellow wellies and two with the pink wellies. Quite obviously, they truly are “rain boots of power.”

Yes, I actually said that in the video. See for yourself.

And now, because you’ve been good little interlings this year, Santa Amy Beth is going to give you a bonus video featuring me trying the jump AGAIN and falling on my face AGAIN.

I did a photo shoot for Starlite yesterday.  There’s about five different things coming out over the next few months that we needed photos of me for (insert gag here), so we decided I’d bring a bunch of different outfits and we’d knock all the photos out in one day.

Because?  Me?  I am not a fan of the photo-taking process.  In fact, the first thing I said to the photographer was “Can you use Photoshop to make me pretty?” with just a hint of desperation in my voice.

On the bright side, the make-up artist told me that I have perfectly shaped lips.  Then she said “I’m sure that draws a whole lot of boys.”  I laughed hysterically for about 3.7 minutes.  And then I asked for a letter of recommendation about my lips to keep on file for any future dating needs.

The last part of the shoot involved me in wellies.  There was a large fountain where we were at, so we decided I would stand in it (with the wellies on) and splash water.  Cute shot, right?

But when I came out, ready with my wellies, the photographer asked me if I’d be willing to jump off the fountain edge into the fountain.  He assured me I’d land on my feet and that it would make a great shot. 

I agreed to try it, thinking that I might get a bit more wet from the water splashing up, but after all, he was the professional.  So, I climbed onto the ledge, waited for his direction to jump, and then landed on my face in the water.

In other words, just another glamorous moment in my life.

And so, I’m left with a dilemma this morning.  We have video of the actual jump, fall, splash, etc.  I am now debating whether I want to put a video here on MinSoFab that shows me at my most graceful moment.  I will admit that everyone here who saw it in real life or has seen the video thinks it is hysterical.

Well, except for me, of course.