After being away from the office for a few days, I’m terribly busy but I had to tell you something sweet that just happened. I was writing a letter to one of Starlite’s donors and, in it, I was mentioning which public schools we’ll have programs in this fall. As I started to list the names of the school, I actually couldn’t remember one of them because there were so many in my list.

I know the significance of that probably won’t mean much to you but it sure does to this girl. There’s never been a time in our five year history that I couldn’t recite the list of schools at a moment’s notice.

If you met me or my team in real life, you’d know that we don’t care one tiny bit about adding more schools so we can “prove” that we’re moving forward, doing better, etc. It just isn’t about that to us. But every school on my list represents a whole lot of girls that God is gracious enough to let us touch.

And so, while I sat here at my desk trying to remember which elementary school I had left off the list, I started crying. Because this girl?

Well, she never thought that a moment like this would happen.

I’ve just crawled into bed after one of the busiest weekends of my life, and while I know I should just wait ’til tomorrow morning to check in, I couldn’t help but log on and say hello to ya’ll.

I was out of town this weekend for some stuff and didn’t really have a free minute at all to check in. I had written a post for you right before I left but when I tried to publish it from my Very Complicated Cell Phone, it created quite the little problem. And then the post was eaten alive by the blog monster. Farewell, blog post — we’ll miss you.

Now that you’re adequately bored, I’d like to spice things up a bit. Do ya’ll remember my cousin Cate, the one who is… well, country? Cate offered to go with me this weekend so I wouldn’t be traveling alone and, since I spent 13 hours in the car, I sure was glad to have her along for the ride. That is, until The Bad Hair Incident occurred.

I was trying to finish getting ready for an important meeting when I had an absolute hair crisis. Cate, bless her lazy little heart, just sat on the couch as I shouted various demands to my hair from the bathroom down the hall. After listening to me and my hair have it out for a few minutes, Cate decided to help out — by making a little video of the crisis.

Now. I almost didn’t post this video because I’m not wearing make-up in it, but once I saw it, I knew ya’ll just had to hear Cate’s accent. And, well, her snorting.

We don’t know why Cate snorts when she laughs, but by goodness, she does it each and every single time something cracks her up. It is hilarious — and she thinks so too. Even funnier? The fact that Cate filmed this sideways.

If you don’t laugh when she says “It ain’t the highlights!” then we need to talk because, friend, something is wrong with you.

Also, I did the research for you — Cate snorts seven different times in this one minute video.

You’re welcome.

Hi, ya’ll! We’re having a little trouble with the bloggy but no worries — things will be back to normal soon. I’m out of town this weekend and a bit too busy to figure out what’s wrong, so (hopefully), I’ll see you Monday morning!

Love,

Amy Beth

And now, the Trey + AB = True Love Saga continues…

By lunchtime on Wednesday, I was ready to get out of the office and be alone for a little bit. I decided to go to Cracker Barrel even though it isn’t that fun to eat alone.

I shouldn’t have worried though because My Curly Haired Knight In Shining Armor was there finishing a shift waiting for me. He came up to me and said “Best Friend Forever, sitting right behind you is a table of CB executives and I’m their server! AUGH!” I, of course, said “I know you can do it, Best Friend Forever!”

It is important for one to encourage their Best Friend Forever / Future Husband. Take notes, kids.

And so, back and forth Trey went. Each time he would pass my table, I’d hear a little “Ohmygoodness, ohmygoodness” from him. While my mind knows he was referring to the stress from serving The CB Powers That Be, my heart wants to think that he was nervous from being so near me.

It is important to note that I did think about getting up from my table, walking the short distance to the CB executives’ table and doing an impromptu pitch for some good ‘ol donor support for Starlite. I kept trying to think of what I’d say but all I could come up with was “Hey, we really hate serving up vats of processed nacho cheese every week so, um, could we have some free biscuits?”

Yeah, I didn’t think they’d be that impressed either.

However, should any CB executive be reading this little bloggy (be still my heart), please give us the hook-up. Please? Pretty please with a nice blob of processed nacho cheese on top?

The executives finally left and Trey took a short break to chat, mainly because he wanted to know why he never appears on the bloggy. I was stunned that My True Love even reads the bloggy but he assured me that he has “gone back and forth, Amy Beth, BACK AND FORTH THROUGH YOUR ARCHIVES and I am nowhere to be found!”

After promising that he would make the bloggy in due time (approximately 17 hours later), the following conversation took place that has changed both of our lives forever:

Trey: “So, today’s my last day working at CB.”

Me: “Nooooooooooooooo!”

Trey: “Yep, BFF. I’m serious. I’m moving to ——- to go to law school.”

Me: “Nooooooooooooooo!”

Trey: “I have to… but just think, I’m doing for us, darling.”

Me: “Come again?”

Trey: “Well, I want to be able to earn enough so that, when we’re married, you can stay at home and not work. After all, you’re delicate.”

Me: (I don’t remember what I said here because I had fainted at the mere thought of not dealing with PNC anymore. And, you know, being considered “delicate” by anyone.)

Trey: “You’re delicate… like a flower. And I don’t want you to work because then your petals will wilt.”

I SWEAR THAT IS WHAT HE SAID. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD ANYTHING MORE ROMANTIC IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE? NO? THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT.

Ahem, sorry. I just needed to get that out.

And so, my Little Love Pumpkin is off to another state for the next three years. And, though I don’t want to think about the possibility, I know that he may fall for another girl waiting to order some fried chicken. He’ll start calling her BFF and then, before I know it, I’ll get an invitation to their wedding.

So that’s why I’m not packing a lot of bags this morning. After all, I don’t want to be crowded when I crawl into the trunk of his car later today as we ride off into the sunset together.

So long, processed nacho cheese. It’s been real, but now, it’s just really over. My curly-headed prince has finally come to rescue me from your vicious grip.

Text message conversation between one of our leaders and I this afternoon:

Laura: “You WILL tell me what Trey said!”

Me: “Of course I’ll tell you what he said. Just check the blog tomorrow morning…”

Laura: “Um, we are real friends not cyber ones.”

Me: “I know. But I just like to make you squirm.”

Laura: “That’s mean.”

Me: “I hope you know I’m going to put this convo on the blog.”

Laura: “And then I’ll put a comment saying that I hate being treated like the average reader instead of a dedicated member of the Starlite team. The readers will love it.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll tell you what he said. Ready? Dijojfio;heiqofhd;hfeoi.”

Laura: “Ha, ha you’re so funny. Not.”

P.S. - I don’t think Laura meant her “average reader” comment as an insult, but if ya’ll want her full name and home address……… well, I could send it to you for a small donation towards the ‘08-’09 PNC fund.

Once upon a time not that long ago, the girls from our leadership team and I went to Cracker Barrel after one of our Sunday night meetings.

Oh, who am I kidding? We go to CB after every single meeting we have.

No, really. They know us (and our orders) by name. It is a beautiful thing.

On one special Sunday night, I saw a creature with the most gorgeous hair I had ever laid eyes on approach our table and say “Hi, I’m Trey. I’ll be your server tonight.”

It was love at first sight.

Since then, we’ve all had a collective crush on Trey and his hair not to mention the fried chicken he brought to our table. Now, I’m sure you can imagine what a predicament we were in, what with approximately 22 college-aged girls in love with the same fair-haired waiter bearing gifts of fried poultry.

And so, I knew it was time to rock my Ministry Founder and Leader high heels. At our next weekly meeting, I announced that the only solution to our problem was for one of us to date him so that he’d be off-limits to the rest of us. And, because I like to serve, I offered to be that girl.

I rarely pull rank, but when it came to Trey, I had no choice. I’m sure you understand.

The only problem about this plan was that Trey, my darling dollop of love, didn’t know that he was supposed to date me. We tried dropping casual hints each Sunday night but Trey remained oblivious. I decided that it was time for something drastic so, the next time we saw him, I announced that he and I would be getting married.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, ya’ll.

Trey agreed to this plan immediately but, after a mutual time of prayer and fasting, we decided we should wait awhile to make sure our love for each other wasn’t just based on our mutual love for CB. So, for the time being, we are choosing to be Best Friends Forever. No, for real. When we see each other at CB, we really call each other Best Friend Forever.

So, you can imagine my surprise when Trey approached my table at CB yesterday with some news he wanted to share with me that will change our relationship… in a good way… a very, very good way.

But, alas, you’ll have to wait ’til tomorrow to find out what that news is…

I had to run to Staples earlier, my office supply store of choice. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned just how much I love office supply stores before. So, um, I LOVE THEM.

There’s just something about being surrounded by brand new pencils and paperclips and binders and THE LABELS, I LOVE THE LABELS.

You know how most girls my age daydream about meeting Mr. Right and their house with a white picket fence and a baby on their hip? Well, I daydream about being given a three minute shopping spree through Staples.

Okay, I daydream about the other stuff too. You caught me.

I’m the go-to girl when it comes to needing to buy more paper supplies. I could be sitting at my desk, hard at work on comparing figures of processed nacho cheese costs and hear an office volunteer mention that we’re low on rubber bands. Suddenly, I am out running out of my office, purse flying out behind me telling everyone I’ll GO TAKE CARE OF THE RUBBERBAND CRISIS, BE RIGHT BACK.

One time, when we were in the middle of our busiest week of the year, we ran out of mailing labels while we still had 500-ish postcards needing labels. I, being so self-sacrificing, headed to Staples, grabbed the labels and headed for the cash register.

I was trying to punch my PIN number in when I heard a woman say “Mouse!” I looked over to see a small mouse sitting about 10 feet from me, just watching the shoppers. I, of course, stayed VERY CALM as I literally jumped onto the register counter and began screaming hysterically.

I’m not joking. I jumped like someone had set a fire underneath my ba-donk-a-donk.

The cashier, God bless his sweet little heart, didn’t know what to do with me. The manager eventually came over and told me I could get down and finish my transaction, but I told him that HELLO, THERE IS A RABID BEAST ON THE LOOSE IN YOUR STORE, SIR.

They opened up another cash registered so that the nice people behind me could make their purchases while I continued my stake-out on checkout lane # 2. I stayed in my safe place until some fearless Staples employees properly disposed of the rodent.

After I finished my purchase, I grabbed my purse and literally ran out to my car whilst (I AM FAKE-BRITISH!) various store employees and customers stared on in disbelief. As soon as I was safely in my car, I realized that the labels? They were still in mouse-territory.

My journey back to register # 2 brought new meaning to the walk of shame.

My precious lambs,

When attempting to defrost something for dinner, it is best not to microwave styrofoam. Shall you insist on such behavior, you may want to first remove the batteries from your smoke detector.

Love,

Your Favorite Domestic Diva

I have two very different things to tell you, but both involve metal objects that come up out of the ground while supported by a pole. One is a good thing; one is not. Shall we begin with the good one?

This is my friend Cara:

Cara was one of the original seven girls that helped me begin Starlite. We lived in the same dorm and, when I started asking for help, she quickly offered her services. Since then, we have been Really Good Friends. In fact, after she broke up with a boyfriend (I think we were juniors at the time), I went out with him. Once. With her blessing. And, um, that is a very weird story I need to tell you sometime.

ANYWAY, the reason I am introducing you to Cara is because last night, at approximately 9:57 p.m., Cara called and ASKED ME TO BE A BRIDESMAID IN HER WEDDING!!! I was so excited that I literally jumped around my bedroom, down my hallway and back into my bedroom. I looked like a kangaroo. A happy kangaroo with big hair and a glass of Sunny Delight in her hand.

And now for the bad thing involving something sticking up out of the ground:

Some little prankster decided it would be funny to try pulling the Starlite mailbox out of the ground at some point over the weekend. Unfortunately for them, that beast is harder to yank up than they expected. We now have a mailbox and pole leaning at a dangerous angle towards the ground. We are not amused.

Okay, we were a little amused at first. But now? Now that we have learned that we can’t put it back in an upright position by ourselves? We are NOT amused at all.

I did what any good ministry girl would do in a situation like this; I emailed my friend Nate. Now, Nate lives about six hours from Cleveland but the guy has helped us (and me) out of many a desperate situation including, but not limited to: screws, bolts, doorknobs, keys being stuck in doorknobs, etc.

One time Nate was trying to tell me how to get a stripped screw / bolt / thing-y out of this other thing-y and I was all “DONE, Nate, I’m DONE. That’s it. I’ve had it.” I emailed him back a few hours later with the news that I had marched my ba-donk-a-donk to the local hardware store, bought a handsaw and showed that screw / bolt / thing-y who is boss. He was all “You took a handsaw to a stripped screw? Really?”

Yes, obviously. Why wouldn’t I?

My message to Nate yesterday basically said “Starlite mailbox falling down. HELP. Please.” And, lo, within the afternoon, I had a reply from Nate detailing four different ways we could take care of the mailbox problem. FOUR WAYS, ya’ll!

But not only did he describe all four ways we could fix it, but he also LISTED THE APPROXIMATE TIME EACH WOULD TAKE. And then, at the end, he included a link to a video showing us how to reinstall the mailbox post should we decide to do it ourselves (yeah right).

With all of the issues we’ve had this summer (one word: BIRDS), I’ve decided that we’re adding a new requirement for our leaders for the fall. In order to return to the team, they must come back with a boyfriend. Furthermore, each of their boyfriends must be well-versed in various manly tasks such as mowing the yard, repairing mailbox poles and generally being good looking.

The way I see it, this is a win-win situation for all of us. The boys get cute girlfriends, the girls get cute boyfriends and I?

I get to be a bridesmaid in all their weddings.

One of the perks of my job is that when our partner churches hold events, they usually invite me to come (I’m sure they’re just wanting some free PNC). This is especially perk-y when said event is a concert, such as the one I ended up attending this past Saturday night. I originally hadn’t planned to go once I got sick last week. I checked to make sure it was still okay for me to come and the church said I should bring a couple of our leaders with me.

And so, I told Laura and Anna to meet me at my house and I’d drive us there (the church is in another city). When they pulled in my driveway, there sat a NEW CAR THAT I WAS GIVEN SATURDAY AFTERNOON!

Betcha’ didn’t see THAT one coming.

Here’s the story: the car I’ve been driving was one I got when I was 16. I loved that car, but it isn’t the safest thing to drive. Since I do a lot of traveling on the weekends for Starlite (”And so, I’ll be at a table in the lobby of your church in case you care to give toward our PNC deficit”), it just really wasn’t the best thing for me to be driving. However, I drove it happily as you may have noticed from the, um, videos.

Last week, I was talking to someone about my dream car and mentioned that I’d like one just like my dad drives. When I hung up the phone, I actually asked God if He’d send me the perfect next car — and if it could please have one of those clicker things that lets you unlock the door by pressing a button.

I’ll admit it — I just wanted to feel cool.

My dad called me the next day and said that he wanted me to use his car (he also has a work car that he drives most of the time) for an upcoming out-of-town trip I’m taking. I thanked him profusely and we decided he’d drive it to me before I left on my trip.

The next day, he called to tell me that he wanted to give me the car. Just give it to me.

Now, this may not seem like that big of a deal to some of you, but trust me, it IS. My dad and I work hard at having a relationship, with me wanting to be in ministry being a touchy thing between us. For him to unexpectedly give something like that to me — just because he wanted to help me — means more to me than I can put in words.

And so, the girls and I rode in style — with key clicker and all — to Saturday night’s concert. And, since that was the first excursion in the new car, we felt it only appropriate to record a video for you, our loves. Don’t worry, I didn’t film it — not taking a chance, especially with a new car.

You will notice I am rocking big hair so, obviously, it was a wild night. You will also notice that Anna, in the backseat, seems to be the calmest one of us. I just want to go on the record as saying that isn’t really the case.

Enjoy. I think.