Let us just begin with the admission that I missed you ever so much, my precious little lambs.

With that said, I offer up this re-cap of A Weekend That Did Not Go According To Plan:

When the doctor got ready to start the thing on Friday, I had a bit of a moment of panic (I was conscious for it). Actually, it involved me telling him that I just wasn’t going to be able to handle it and please let me leave and Ijustwannagohoooooooome!

In other words, just a few mature moments from yours truly.

Mr. Doctor came back with a shot of something that had me pretty relaxed within, oh, three seconds. And so, I was on my way home before I even knew what had happened.

When I got home, I went straight to bed until my cell started ringing like crazy. I finally woke up enough to answer it only to find out that my baby cousin, Whom I Love A Little Bit More Than Shamu And Actually That’s A Whole Lot Of Love, had just been taken to a children’s hospital in a nearby city. It took a few minutes for me to understand what was really going on, but as soon as I understood the severity of what she was being treated for, I literally jumped out of bed, threw on a pair of shoes and headed for my car.

Now. This all sounds good, until I tell you that my left leg was actually numb from mid-thigh to mid-calve (from the procedure earlier). And so, in order to walk, I basically had to just drag that leg along with me. Which, AND I KNOW THIS WILL COME AS A SHOCK, caused me to feel quite a healthy dose of pain in the left leg area.

However, I wasn’t about to let anything (or anyone as my “nurses” were none to pleased I was planning to drive) stop me from getting to my baby girl. As I headed towards the interstate, I kept thanking God (literally) that my right leg was fine and able to communicate clearly with both of my friends, the gas pedal and the brake pedal.

When I got near the hospital, I knew I had to make a stop that was Vitally Important. In other words, I pulled into Target for a quick run down the toy aisle.

I wish you could have seen me. There I was, pushing that red cart down the aisles as fast as one can when they’re also dragging one leg behind them. In case you’re wondering, I utilized a hopping motion to make my way around the baby doll and crayon aisles.

Yes, small children cried when they saw me hopping/dragging towards them. But I like to think it was just because my hair didn’t look that great.

When I got to the hospital, I found out that my little Avi had already been admitted to a room. And so there I went, hopping/dragging and carrying multiple Target bags through hospital corridors. A nurse in one of the hallways actually looked at me and said “You need to get back in bed!”

After several wrong turns, I finally found my way to little Avi and was greeted with “PWIZES! DAT UDDER GIRL BWOUGHT ME PWIZES!” For the record, Avi does know my name but says that Amy Beth is “toooooo lwong to say!” and therefore insists on calling me “Dat udder girl.” Which, actually, is longer than Amy Beth but we think it is hysterical.

However, Imaginary Boyfriend? Are you reading? If you ever call me “that other girl” you will be in BIG TROUBLE.

I didn’t let Avi have her “pwizes” all at once; instead, I doled them out one by one after she did something “vewy bwave” like letting them put an IV in. I even took a piece of paper and some tape from the nurse and created my very own fake IV going into my hand so that Avi and I could be twins.

However, I strongly considered asking the nurse if she could slip me a needle and morphine drip so that I could Help The Leg That Was Tired Of Being Dragged.

And so, I ended up spending the rest of the weekend in that hospital. I left a couple of times to get some more clothes, sleep for a few hours, etc. I tried to be there as much as possible to give Avi’s mom and dad a chance to leave for a bit. I’m happy to report that, late last night, I pulled the laptop into that hospital bed and introduced my little Avi to a certain killer whale and his webcam.

I would be embarrassed to admit just how long we laid there, watching him swim around and around. Well, if you want to know the truth, Avi did most of the watching — I was too busy staring at all of her monitors watching for any changes and praying without ever making a sound. When she finally fell asleep, I stayed there a bit longer, listening to her breathe and watching her morphine drop one little bit at a time.

Funny how you can’t feel your own pain when you’re watching someone you love be in pain. I would have gladly taken all her hurt if it meant she didn’t have to lay there crying.

Sounds like Someone else I know.

And so now, I’m sitting watching my baby sleep again tonight… her mom and dad needed a break and Dat Udder Girl Formerly Known As Amy Beth is more than happy to be on Avi-patrol. Earlier tonight she felt good enough to get out of the hospital bed, so she and her IV pole went for a ride in a little red wagon that I found. We had a lot to talk about, what with important things like popsicles and Shamu.

I’m guessing you can figure out which is the most important of the two.