I have two very different things to tell you, but both involve metal objects that come up out of the ground while supported by a pole. One is a good thing; one is not. Shall we begin with the good one?

This is my friend Cara:

Cara was one of the original seven girls that helped me begin Starlite. We lived in the same dorm and, when I started asking for help, she quickly offered her services. Since then, we have been Really Good Friends. In fact, after she broke up with a boyfriend (I think we were juniors at the time), I went out with him. Once. With her blessing. And, um, that is a very weird story I need to tell you sometime.

ANYWAY, the reason I am introducing you to Cara is because last night, at approximately 9:57 p.m., Cara called and ASKED ME TO BE A BRIDESMAID IN HER WEDDING!!! I was so excited that I literally jumped around my bedroom, down my hallway and back into my bedroom. I looked like a kangaroo. A happy kangaroo with big hair and a glass of Sunny Delight in her hand.

And now for the bad thing involving something sticking up out of the ground:

Some little prankster decided it would be funny to try pulling the Starlite mailbox out of the ground at some point over the weekend. Unfortunately for them, that beast is harder to yank up than they expected. We now have a mailbox and pole leaning at a dangerous angle towards the ground. We are not amused.

Okay, we were a little amused at first. But now? Now that we have learned that we can’t put it back in an upright position by ourselves? We are NOT amused at all.

I did what any good ministry girl would do in a situation like this; I emailed my friend Nate. Now, Nate lives about six hours from Cleveland but the guy has helped us (and me) out of many a desperate situation including, but not limited to: screws, bolts, doorknobs, keys being stuck in doorknobs, etc.

One time Nate was trying to tell me how to get a stripped screw / bolt / thing-y out of this other thing-y and I was all “DONE, Nate, I’m DONE. That’s it. I’ve had it.” I emailed him back a few hours later with the news that I had marched my ba-donk-a-donk to the local hardware store, bought a handsaw and showed that screw / bolt / thing-y who is boss. He was all “You took a handsaw to a stripped screw? Really?”

Yes, obviously. Why wouldn’t I?

My message to Nate yesterday basically said “Starlite mailbox falling down. HELP. Please.” And, lo, within the afternoon, I had a reply from Nate detailing four different ways we could take care of the mailbox problem. FOUR WAYS, ya’ll!

But not only did he describe all four ways we could fix it, but he also LISTED THE APPROXIMATE TIME EACH WOULD TAKE. And then, at the end, he included a link to a video showing us how to reinstall the mailbox post should we decide to do it ourselves (yeah right).

With all of the issues we’ve had this summer (one word: BIRDS), I’ve decided that we’re adding a new requirement for our leaders for the fall. In order to return to the team, they must come back with a boyfriend. Furthermore, each of their boyfriends must be well-versed in various manly tasks such as mowing the yard, repairing mailbox poles and generally being good looking.

The way I see it, this is a win-win situation for all of us. The boys get cute girlfriends, the girls get cute boyfriends and I?

I get to be a bridesmaid in all their weddings.