Forget serving girls; we’re now a bird ministry.

July 3rd, 2008 by Amy Beth

Well, well, well.  I was wrong.

It wasn’t a bird in our chimney / fireplace area / thing-y.  It was a nest of birds.

Oh yes m’am.  I couldn’t make up these things if I tried.

Here’s how it went down: I hear these bird-type noises coming from that general area and immediately flip out.  Because?  Hello?  I think we’ve been down this road before.

I whip out my cell and immediately call a friend’s boyfriend.  And then, since he’s out of town, another friend’s boyfriend.  And then another. 

No one was in town so I knew it was time to Get Very, Very Serious: I called Animal Control.

Now, before you start telling me that I should have just dealt with it myself, I would like you to look around the screen in front of you.  Notice all the, um, pinkness?  And maybe a few polka dots?  Yeah, I’m probably not the best at dealing with dangerous animals.

(Yes, they are dangerous.)

(Don’t argue with me.)

It only took a few minutes for the Animal Control officer to arrive; this, of course, may have been because I didn’t exactly mention that there was a bird on the loose.  I may have said something like “There’s some rabid animal trapped in our fireplace and I’m all alone and I’m a girl and PLEASE HELP ME!”

Yeah, I played the girl card.  And I’d do it again, thankyouverymuch.

Mr. Animal Control Officer pulled out his trusty flashlight, took one look up the chimney and announced that there was a birds nest with multiple baby birds that had just hatched.  I, of course, gasped and may or may not have said something like “THEY’RE MULTIPLYING!” 

After making this announcement, Mr. Animal Control Officer put away the flashlight and headed towards our door.  Which caused me to say “Uh, where are you going?”

Mr. ACO: “I’m leaving.”

Me: “But, um, THE BIRDS.  WHAT ABOUT THE BIRDS?”

Mr. ACO: “Well, m’am, you can’t expect me to get them out, now can you?”

Me: “Yes, actually, that’s exactly what I was expecting.”

Mr. ACO: “If I touch the nest, the mother bird will never come back and the babies will die.”

And with that, I knew that the battle was over.  I mean, I hate having birds flying through our office but HELLO I DO HAVE A MATERNAL INSTINCT SOMEWHERE INSIDE ME.

Mr. ACO is coming back to the office this afternoon to take another look and see if there’s anything else that could be done.  My fear is that the babies will fall out of the nest and die on our fireplace floor and then I’ll have to clean them up and I CAN’T HANDLE THAT.  Because this morning?  I found two little bird eggs that had fallen out and almost broke down in tears.

I know.  Quite a different reaction than we’re used to when it comes to me and birds.

11 Responses to “Forget serving girls; we’re now a bird ministry.”


  1. Right now we have a bird’s nest up in the corner of our church’s front pillar nook area. Happens every year. Do not be alarmed about the eggs that fell out. Most likely the mama bird pushed them out because there were too many eggs for the nest. It wasn’t an accident. That’s what they do. We’re waiting for these baby birds to fly away any day now.

    Now that I think of it, your biggest concern will be when they start… uh…pooping, and you’ll have to clean that mess off of your fireplace floor.

  2. comment by Sarah

    Hmm…so if I’d been a bird I could push my kids out of the nest since I feel like there’s too many of ‘em?

    Man. To be a bird…

  3. comment by Trace

    Honey, looks like y’all’ve got yourselves some new pets!


  4. I’m thinking perhaps some of the PNC budget for 2008 should be reallocated for the purchase of some sort of contraption that could cap your chimney and keep those beasts, I mean birds, from infiltrating. Or a coyote decoy on the roof. That’d work.

  5. comment by Kelley

    Oh my goodness…you and I are in the same situation. Except mine is a gopher in a drainspout. And I called a boy. And I had the mother instinct. And I wrote about it as well.

    Who knew that two girls who live so far apart would have the same situation on the same day!

  6. comment by Lauren

    Were the bird eggs just the shells or did they have the super cute birdies in them? :/

  7. comment by Melody

    If the eggs that fell were unhatched, most likely they were rotten. Mother birds know this stuff and won’t waste their time sitting on rotten eggs.

    When you get the bird situation dealt with, I suggest getting something to put on your chimney so you won’t have to deal with them again. :-)

  8. comment by Vicky

    Maybe you should put some blankets in the fireplace to soften the ground if they fall. And since one commenter mentioned pooping, maybe a layer or newspaper on top of the blanket.

    Also, did Mr. ACO mention which way they would fly when they left the nest? I’m assuming up and out like mama bird does to get food. But considering the video you linked here… i dunno… Can you close the grate or put something up to prevent them from taking up residence in any other part of the office? Don’t want to alarm you, but that was my first thought…

  9. comment by Gayle

    Awwww shucks. Look at God kindling a love for birdies for ya afterall.
    Sweet lil’ tweety birds. They’ll be gone before you know it. ;)

  10. comment by Erin

    Only one question. Was Mr. Animal Control Officer cute?

  11. comment by Cassidy

    You should have skipped Animal Control and gone straight for the bird secret weapon…Jeff. It could have been Episode 2 of Birdie General Hospital and the strange…bird rustling instrument!

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