I have no idea why I haven’t told you this story until now, but I’m assuming it’s because the very thought of it is still sending me into full panic mode.

At the end of last week, Friday to be exact, I asked our high school intern to come in for a full day at the office to help me get some projects done. I had a full list of stuff we needed to accomplish and this little gal, Lauren, can get junk done.

About 45 minutes into our day, I went to check my email and noticed that lo, the internet wasn’t working. Naturally, I picked up the phone to call our service provider. The only problem was that lo, the phone line was dead.

No problem — that’s why we have multiple lines. But lo, they were also down.

I called our service provider from My Cellular Device and explained our problems. After a few minutes, the guy told me that his computer was showing that there was a problem with the lines that run outside of our office. Would I mind walking outside to see if I could find anything wrong with them? Of course not.

Lo, the lines were laying across the intersection where they had been viciously torn down by a passing tractor trailer truck.

I reported this information to my new phone friend and he assured me that not only would our handy service provider be arriving shortly but that we’d also be receiving a visit from the utilities company. Because, apparently, HAVING LIVE CABLES IN THE INTERSECTION IS A NO-NO.

I came back into the office, reported my finds to Lauren and then headed to the bathroom. Upon opening the door, I discovered that lo, our plumbing had broken down again.

I should pause in the story to tell you that we actually have a really nice house for our offices but when it rains, it pours. Problems, that is.

As I made my way back out of the bathroom to grab My Cellular Device to call our landlord about the plumbing, Lauren uttered words I never wanted to hear again.

“I hate to tell you this, but the birds are definitely still alive. And there’s a lot of them.”

Lo, it was not the pleasant-est of days in the Starlite office. No, not at all.