I also got a F in math once. Just keepin’ it real.
A few of you have asked how my 100 Days of WhateverItWas is going since those 100 days will be wrapping up in a couple of weeks.
Well, in a word… failure.
It is surprisingly great to tell you that though, because for me, it represents a whole lot of growth. I used to have this idea that I needed for my life to look like a success in all areas lest someone think that I was unsuited for what I was doing (i.e. running Starlite). And, um, I was miserable.
About a year ago, I began talking to God about that “need” in my life and told Him that, in a sense, I felt like it was tied to pride. I asked Him to help me get that out of my life because I want to be able to say recognize what areas of my life need improvement and help without feeling ashamed.
All this might sound a bit ridiculous to you, but you don’t know how many people I’ve met in ministry who tell me they feel the same way.
I’m not quite sure what went wrong with the 100 Day thing, but I have my suspicions. I did meet some of my goals: for example, I gave up caffeine at the start of it and have only had one tiny slip up since then. There are other more personal goals that were met, too.
But then there were some that just weren’t met. I had a particular goal weight I wanted to be at by the end of the 100 days and, unless I have some form of plastic surgery between now and next week, I don’t see myself reaching that goal. There were some other personal goals that I didn’t meet.
I know that the significance of the 100 days doesn’t mean that much; I should just keep going and maybe put myself on a 365 day plan. :) At the same time, I can’t help but wonder why there are certain things in my life that I choose to do without excellence. I know I’m called to excellence — and I know I make choices that don’t reflect that.
I felt a little overwhelmed during the whole process with trying to accomplish / change / modify so many different things in my life and now I wonder if I went about it the wrong way. Maybe instead of trying to change five different eating habits at once, I should go after one of them at a time and build on them as I meet that goal. Like, I’ve given up caffeine — so now, I’ll go after giving up any kind of sweets while still continuing to stay away from the caffeine. Does that make sense?
There has been one really bright side to all of this though — and that’s the fact that I’m not beating myself up for what I see as failure. The old me would have berated herself over and over again for failing to measure up to some imaginary bar that she had set much higher for herself than anyone around her. I would have genuinely hated myself.
So maybe this wasn’t a complete failure after all.
Posted: July 22nd, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 14
Comments
Comment from Mandy
Time: July 22, 2008, 9:39 am
Don’t worry…if you were perfect, you’d be Jesus.
Love you.
Comment from Beth
Time: July 22, 2008, 10:04 am
You get an “A” for keepin it real!
Comment from Gayle
Time: July 22, 2008, 10:28 am
You probably won’t believe this, but, I JUST had a talk with the Lord over this very thing in my life.
I am such an “all or nothing” kind of gal, and He is showing it to me pretty intensely lately. I’ve learned recently that there is a word for that: PERFECTION.
I am so insanely happy that you are seeing some victory against that ugly thing. <3
Comment from Cindy
Time: July 22, 2008, 11:03 am
Can totally relate. I have an old me that sounds a lot like the old you. And sometimes it still shocks me that I can go to bed with the house a mess and not think I am the worst human on the planet. I don’t beat myself up like I used to about my “failures.”
That being said, Scott did tell me today that the thing I was crying about was because I still have some perfectionist stuff in me.
And hey- if we could do it all, what would we need Him and His strength for?
And how about easing into the no sweets thing? Like no sweets after 7 or something? Cold turkey sounds torturous.
Comment from Kelly @ Love Well
Time: July 22, 2008, 11:07 am
I don’t know if we’re capable of producing excellence in every area of our lives, AB. I think we’re just too human.
Personally, I try to work on just a few things at a time, lest I suffer what you describe here. (And I have suffered it, many times.) It helps to see progress — yet to also know that it’s only possible because of God’s grace.
Comment from Nate B
Time: July 22, 2008, 11:12 am
You are doing it right AB. You can’t expect to get stop doing 5 habits all at once and keep it going. Like anything, you just have to start breaking the habit and keep it going. I’ve always heard that if you can break a habit for 21 straight days, it’ll be “gone.” Start breaking 1 habit at a time and keep working at them. YOU CAN DO IT!!!
Check out swerve.lifechurch.tv if you haven’t. Craig Groeschel talked about failure last week in a series of posts. They are really good.
Comment from amykay
Time: July 22, 2008, 11:31 am
i totally relate… i think it’s way too easy when you’re in ministry to feel like you HAVE to live up to other people’s expectations of you. or what you assume other people’s expectations of you are. or anything you’ve ever heard that a ‘good Christian girl’ should be. it’s way harder to give that up than to give up caffeine… and you did both! 
Comment from Jenn @ Casa de Castro
Time: July 22, 2008, 1:01 pm
Congratulations on the caffeine reduction/elimination! That’s awesome, and I’m secretly hoping the Lord doesn’t ask me to do the same. 
Build on that success, just like you said. One day at a time, dear one.
Comment from Ronnica
Time: July 22, 2008, 1:27 pm
I struggle with trying to be perfect, too. Part of the struggle is definitely pride, wanting to look perfect to others. Some of it is personality; I’ve always been a goody-two-shoes. I’m a Christian and therefore have access to the Holy Spirit’s power through prayer, but I’m also a sinner. And without remembering that last part, I’ll most certainly fail.
Comment from Wendi
Time: July 22, 2008, 3:06 pm
Thanks for your honesty! IT was so nice to know I’m not the only one who has those kinds of struggles.
Comment from Vicky
Time: July 23, 2008, 12:27 am
I admire you for 100 days of no caffeine. I’m on day 4. Giving up caffeine was inspired in part by your 100 days (I think I commented about that), as well as a few other nudges. Today I had one small headache, which was a vast improvement.
I agree… one thing at a time. Once I’ve mastered my caffeine-free life then I will tackle my next hurdle.
Thanks for keeping us updated, and for being honest… we’re all in the same boat!
Comment from Brandy T
Time: July 23, 2008, 8:42 am
You’re awesome, AB! Great book I’m reading right now: Body Clutter, by FlyLady. It’s all about those baby steps, and (according to the book) you are right on track!! Way to go!
Comment from Katie
Time: July 23, 2008, 8:16 pm
What an amazing lesson to learn. And a beautiful trait to be able to be so open and honest about it. I love seeing you constantly grow in Christ. It not only affects you and those who are close to you, but it affects the lives of hundreds.
Way to be confident, AB. Keep it up!
Comment from marigold
Time: July 25, 2008, 4:27 pm
Oh, sigh. I too have wanted to drop a few pounds in a specified time period. I just fall off, get up, dust off and start again. You can too! And I’ll be your cheerleader! You’re doing so much good in so many people’s lives, don’t forget to do good in your own! hugs!
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