Read between the lines.
I called our local Habitat for Humanity office a few days ago and let them know that I had some things I’d like to donate from my old townhouse. They said they’d pick it up this morning and, sure enough, they were right on time.
As the men began loading up my boxes of discarded items, I decided to look through my kitchen closet one last time to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything. And that’s when I saw it: my picnic basket.
Looking back some seven years later, I realize that it was a ridiculous purchase for an incoming college freshman. While most of my peers were buying twin bed sheets and boxes of Ramen Noodles, I was looking for the perfect picnic basket.
You see, I had this idea in my mind that I was going off to college to meet the love of my life. And, for me, that translated into late afternoon picnics in the park down the road from my university. And so, for weeks I searched until I had found all the needed supplies: the perfect basket, the cute utensils, etc. The night before I left for college, I lovingly packed each thing into the basket and then put it in the front passenger seat so that it would be beside me as I drove to my new dorm. That basket didn’t just have cute picnic supplies in it; it had a lot of dreams tucked inside, as well.
And yet it remains unused.
Of course, I went on dates in college — but nothing progressed to the picnic stage. And yet, every year, from dorm to apartment to townhouse, I lugged that picnic basket with me, quietly telling myself that I’d get to use it one day.
When I saw it in the back corner of my kitchen pantry this morning, I instantly felt like that 17 year old girl again, just walking through the Target aisles looking for the perfect pieces to put in my picnic basket. And, if you want to know the ugly truth, I was angry.
At myself. For being silly enough to have thought that I would see that dream be realized.
I swept that picnic basket into my arms and marched it right out to the truck waiting outside. “Here,” I said, without a moment’s hesitation. “I won’t be needing this anytime soon.”
The man seemed confused. “Are you sure, ma’m? This is a really nice basket. It doesn’t even look like it’s ever been used!”
“It hasn’t.” And with that, I turned and went back into my townhouse to get my purse and head back to the office.
I decided to go out my back door, via my porch, to make sure I hadn’t left anything out there that I wanted to take with me. I hadn’t been out there in months, but we’re always better safe than sorry, right?
As I began walking down my porch steps, I noticed that a hanging basket I had put up last summer had fallen and spent a year on the ground, unnoticed by me or my old roommate Katie. Everything in it, all the pretty flowers I had planted back then, were long gone leaving some dirt and withered leaves.
Except for the one gorgeous flower growing in the very middle of the basket.
I walked over to where the basket lay, confused about how a flower could have grown in the basket again. After all, the dirt was old, the seeds were long gone and we hadn’t even bothered to water it in over a year. But still, the flower grew.
And then, suddenly:
“I can grow things in places you thought were dead, Amy Beth.”
I’m sure you get awfully tired of hearing me talking about not wanting to be alone. I’m sure that there are some of you who want to tell me to quit looking so desperate, to stop wanting something that will come in time.
I understand that. I’ve read some of your emails.
And yet, please remember that we don’t ever know everything inside the hearts of those whose blogs we read. What may come across as desperation to you might simply be a God-placed response in my heart to my childhood. There are reasons that the theme of having a family, even being a part of a family, is so important to me. Read between the lines, my loves.
We don’t know if the woman writing about her latest miscarriage is writing that she’s doing just fine while secretly hoping that someone will realize that she’s not fine at all.
Read between the lines.
We aren’t sure that the woman writing about the funny comment her husband made to her a few nights ago isn’t sitting up way too late wondering why her husband isn’t home yet, again.
Read between the lines.
We have no way of knowing that the woman who posts a Bible study each morning is so deeply wounded that she can’t begin to dream that the promises she writes about could be for her, too.
Read between the lines.
Posted: July 30th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 31
Comments
Comment from Mandy
Time: July 30, 2008, 4:39 pm
So true. I constantly think about the ladies in my neighborhood. Everything looks perfect, but it surely can’t be…
Comment from Christy
Time: July 30, 2008, 4:42 pm
No words. You are right Amy Beth…how many times have I chosen to not read between the lines and to just take others at their word and not really ask the quuestions that beg to be asked.
Personally one of the reasons I read your blog is because my heart understands what you write….I too don’t want to be alone. And so my heart connects with others like me..especially when i am surrounded by married friends. Your words often speak to me.
Thanks for being real and thanks for being authentic. It blesses me tremendously.
Much love…
Comment from Carissa
Time: July 30, 2008, 4:43 pm
I hate that you had to explain yourself, but I am so glad you did. Your honesty, ear leaned to the voice of God, and your open heart speaks volumes. As Christians, we too often try to put each others lives into organized boxes. Truth is, following God is a beautiful mess. He asks something different of each of us, in different ways, at different times. Of course, all of those things lead to his glory, but they rarely (if ever) look the same. This was a wonderful post. Your honesty is important.
Comment from Kyle
Time: July 30, 2008, 4:45 pm
I loved this post.
Maybe it’s because I have once wrote a post where all I wanted was for someone to read between the lines.
I used to always try to read between the lines of people’s sentences, constantly looking for “truth”, knowing that sometimes we can’t bare to talk about our lives unless someone else starts the conversation up about it themselves.
I have however, in the past three months gotten away from that. I’ve been lazy. I’ve taken the surface level is truth. The truth is that no change, no effect can be done on the surface. It’s always when we take time to dig a little deeper.
Or as you said it, until we “Read between the lines”
Comment from Kyle
Time: July 30, 2008, 4:47 pm
P.S. I have to say this Amy. Your blog makes a difference in your readers. I know this. I feel it. Your posts are always very true and honest. You don’t directly encourage others to do the same, but indirectly you do. I just want to say thanks for your heart. It’s beautiful.
Comment from Anne
Time: July 30, 2008, 4:50 pm
I think you are right… we tend to be so judgmental right off the bat, without (as you so aptly put it) reading between the lines. Good post!
Comment from Eric’s Wife
Time: July 30, 2008, 5:00 pm
I’ve written and back spaced a dozed comments to this. Let’s just go with, “Good post! Well said!”
Comment from Ronnica
Time: July 30, 2008, 5:09 pm
Very great point. I’m just going to leave it at that, and chew on this a bit.
Comment from Sarah
Time: July 30, 2008, 5:12 pm
I tend to assume that people are blogging about what’s going on in their lives without even thinking of reading between the lines. Thanks for this reminder, AB.
Comment from Vicky
Time: July 30, 2008, 5:18 pm
I never grow tired of reading your posts about not wanting to be alone. Those posts speak to my heart… they remind me that I’m not the only one hoping… hoping for “someone”… hoping for the opportunity to have a family… hoping to overcome the past with the future. All I want to be in life is a wife and mommy. I can’t wait for days filled with meal-planning, potty-training, and letter-learning. Yes, I desire all those things in God’s timing… but I’d really appreciate it if God’s timing was in the near future…
These are the posts that make me cry– because I know what you mean and I see my heart’s cry in the words you write. Never stop sharing your heart. That flower wasn’t just a reminder to you– it was a reminder to me too.
Thank you!
Comment from Jenn @ Casa de Castro
Time: July 30, 2008, 5:19 pm
Thank you for once again keeping it real and writing from your beautiful and tender heart.
I’ve read between the lines today. My heart longs for the day your hopes and dreams become reality.
Comment from trs
Time: July 30, 2008, 5:26 pm
I’m sorry about your picnic basket Amy Beth.
A shame you didn’t use it to meet your girlfriends for Jazz in the Park or some such event. That to me is the tragedy of the picnic basket. You bought it for a relationship - but didn’t bring it to any of your loving relationships with women.
I’m not scolding you.. it’s just what I thought while reading this.
A friend of mine is so afraid of appearing desparate, that when she bought a lawn chair for such occasions (Jazz in the Park - Shakespeare on the Green) She purposefully bought only one chair. Buying two in her mind, said that she needed a man to fill it.
I say, buying that second packable chair is making room in your life for the desires of your heart. Who knows who might need that chair, for a moment? Who knows who that person might lead you to?
Amy Beth, your heart is so open to possibilities. It’s a beautiful thing. But letting go of that basket is probably a good thing. You are releasing an expectation, maybe making room for God to fill a need you are not aware of.
And I for one, thank you for writing about your single, searching life. As a single 38 year old woman, it’s sometimes painful for me to read all those accounts of cute kids and sweet hubbies. Even when they complain, I want to shake them and say… do you know how badly I want to be burdened with washing vomit covered sheets from a crib or twin sized bed?!!! Do you know what that would mean in my life???!?!!!
I too, wonder what I have done so wrong that God does not see fit to bless me with a husband and possibly children. And what did everyone else do so right?
Comment from jenelle howe
Time: July 30, 2008, 5:27 pm
AB I cannot wait for the day that you find THE GUY!!! I believe ti will happen, remember, those who honor God, God honors them right back! Way to have an obedient heart girl! I am sure I will be feeling the same way this year and I am excited to learn from you and your beuatiful and wise heart! I love you! I cannot wait to see you! See you ugust 17th(ish)! 
Comment from PastormacsAnn
Time: July 30, 2008, 6:06 pm
Wow, what a terrific post. There really is so much about our blogging “friends” and acquaintances we don’t really know. Sometimes it’s very lonely on this side of the computer.
Great timely exhortation!
Comment from Tamara
Time: July 30, 2008, 6:30 pm
Sweet AB, this was a beautiful, powerful, heartbreaking post. Heartbreaking, because I’ve been there. And now, I’m the girl with an empty crib in my house.
Your thoughts reminded me of an old Susan Ashton song called “Alice in Wonderland” that talks about the platitudes we Christians sometimes offer.
But it just occured to me that sometimes the pat responses we read or even hear have large measures of emotion and hurt and peace behind them…sometimes we have to read between the lines of those “pat” responses to see that the offerer also has hurt deeply and now knows a peace that she wants to share…know what I mean?
Regardless, I know the Faithful One hears your prayers, and knows your heart. And AB? He’s the MASTER of reading between the lines. And He’s writing a better story for you than you, with all of your obvious literary talent, could ever dream of (Eph. 3:20).
Comment from Liz (Discovering Liz)
Time: July 30, 2008, 6:35 pm
I love your entry today, Amy Beth. I know people who read my blog can’t see all the heartache that’s going on in my life right now. I mention trials on my blog, but if even my friends knew the kind of pain I’m carrying around… well, they just don’t know. No one is exempt from pain, and each of us has our own burden. That’s why God’s grace is so precious. Thanks for sharing today.
Comment from Gayle
Time: July 30, 2008, 6:55 pm
You couldn’t be getting a bigger heartfelt AMEN from this girl.
Comment from Chatty Kelly
Time: July 30, 2008, 7:01 pm
Amy Beth, God put the desires of your heart there, he knows them and his timing is perfect. I know the feeling to wait - 4 years before my first pregnancy and 5 years for my second one. But God did provide. 2 beautiful daughters. “Mr. Right” will come…when you least expect it.
Thinking of you today. Thanks for the moving post.
Comment from Diane
Time: July 30, 2008, 7:37 pm
Love you.
Comment from Deidre
Time: July 30, 2008, 8:22 pm
Very well said, Amy. Often times, we’re afraid someone WILL read between the lines and then our covers are blown. Or, maybe that’s just me. It’s much easier sometimes to hide behind a mask. God is using you, my friend. Hang on….
Comment from Jenni
Time: July 30, 2008, 9:46 pm
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/prepare-your-fields-for-rain.html
Ecclesiastes 3 - “for everything there is a season…”
Comment from Beth
Time: July 30, 2008, 10:07 pm
The only thing that bothered me was that you did not keep the basket, I hope that your loving father will one day bring that picnic to pass. your longings for a man in your life are anything but annoying. they are such personal truths about the heart! I hurt for you. I soooo love having Daniel in my life, I wish that happiness on every woman! Why is it okay for me to need my husband and not okay for you to need someone? people’s “logic” is really bizarre sometimes. keep being you, keep sharing your heart…..
Comment from Kelley
Time: July 30, 2008, 10:54 pm
Girl, I love, love, love this post. You are SO right. And can I just say that when you find that special someone, we are ALL going to gift you with a picnic basket and you will be OVERRUN with them.
Comment from Cindy
Time: July 31, 2008, 12:03 am
Looking forward to the day that you tell us you needed to go buy a new picnic basket b/c things are to THAT point. 
In the meantime, I understand your heart and will never tire of hearing any part of it.
Comment from AnnieBlogs
Time: July 31, 2008, 12:29 am
Amen. You are braver than me.
Comment from Kristen
Time: July 31, 2008, 3:42 am
OH Amy Beth, this is something I am planning on writing about this week on my blog. After my brother was airlifted last week with the cut to his neck - the emails I got were…well…not very nice.
Thank you for saying this. It has so been on my heart and I stand with you on this.
I’m praying. And reading between the lines.
Comment from Angela
Time: July 31, 2008, 3:32 pm
I don’t think you should apologize for wanting to be married. I was single until 28 and in ministry the entire time, wondering if my mate would ever come. And now that I’m married at 30, even the tough times are hard to write about. Don’t worry about others’ comments; hurting people hurt people. You should be free to be honest, to be yourself in this space of your own. If others don’t want to read it, they don’t have to. I for one like the glimpse into someone else’s world.
Comment from Dawn
Time: July 31, 2008, 5:05 pm
What a great post! So very true. Many people cannot express the hurt that they hold inside - they are just wishing for someone to see it.
Thank you for your honesty. I think many of us have a “picnic basket” of our own that we hang on to.
Comment from Anna
Time: August 1, 2008, 10:05 am
Absolutely Beautiful! God has such great plans for his precious Amy Beth.
Comment from Cabana Maam
Time: August 4, 2008, 3:10 pm
I’ve been out of town and am just catching up on all I missed. (SO sad to have missed fetus Friday!!) And this? This is beautiful. You are beautiful, such a precious, treasured, chosen, beloved, gifted daughter of the King. You bless me so!
Comment from Rachelle
Time: August 7, 2008, 1:10 pm
loved the post!
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