I am not amused.
Ahem.
Dear President of Babies ‘R Us:
I would like to begin by saying that I love your store. Sure, I almost have a panic attack while staring at the choices of swaddling blankets (29! TWENTY NINE, SIR!) but, overall, I do heart your corporate empire.
I, however, have one slight suggestion that I feel would aid your quest in taking over the baby item purchasing world and it boils down to this: please tell your store employees to not automatically assume that anyone trying out the rocking chairs IS PREGNANT.
Some of us — SOME OF US, SIR — are simply in your store to buy gifts for their pregnant roommate with whom, coincidentally, they are not in an “alternative lifestyle relationship.” Some of us — NAY, ALL OF US — would rather not be asked when our due date is, um, due.
Mine, however, is slated for the spring of 2037 in case you wanted to send a gift. Perhaps a swaddling blanket, no?
Love,
Amy Beth
I am so sorry but can totally identify with your non-amusement.
I am about twenty years your senior and have four children (19, 18, 16 and 14). I have recently worked very hard to lost almost 20 very stubborn pounds and was in the same predicament not too very long ago. I’m sure it was the shirt, one of new cute pintucked front ones, but it was still not amusing. I mean, if I was a few years younger, or my youngest was not 14, maybe. But, seriously, if a baby hasn’t taken up residence in my uterus in 14 years, I’m thinking it’s not going to happen again.
Don’t folks know the rule “Never, ever, ask a woman when she is due?”
*BTW: I recently found your blog via Google Reader and it is too fun.
*lose
the miracle blanket is the one you want!!
It’s ok. An older man at church a few weeks ago asked me if there “was something I wasn’t telling him” while looking at my stomach. Dang those empire waisted shirts.
…I haven’t worn that shirt since.
I had a lady I used to work with say she didn’t recognize me today…”You’ve gained some weight haven’t you?” That is exactly what she said. In fact, since she is another nationality, I thought maybe I misunderstood, so she said it twice!
So I can relate…unfortunately.
Awww… poor Amy Beth. The last time someone asked me when I was due (when I wasn’t pregnant) I had all four of my children with me and they were at that moment engaged in a lively arguement (read: hairpulling, fists flying).
I looked at them, looked at the lady, and as I disentangled my children one by one I said, “I’m not pregnant, I’m fat. Food is my drug of choice. I’ll give you four guesses why!”
have you gotten an award for the funniest blog ever? you need one!
Girl, I hear ya!
First, as Sarah said, those empire waist shirts “hide” our good graces well. But they also make us–and I mean all of us, big or small– look like we’re expecting. I refuse to wear them.
Next, as many have said–been there. To make it worse, mine was at my grandfather’s 80th birthday party 2 weeks ago. A friend of the family was asking me questions about what I was now doing, where I was living, how I met the Big Guy, etc. etc. She then asked if we had plans for kids and I said, “When the time comes” and she said, “Oh, so you’re not expecting?”
My Minnesota Nice Factor had to kick in and I had to kindly change the subject.
Please tell me you’re sending that letter!!
I hit “submit” too quickly. I wanted to add:
Please tell me you’re sending that letter and if you need me to send one too, I will. : )
Oh no they DIDN’T!!!!
You’re so silly!
I totally feel left out so let me tell you the story about the time I was asked when I was due…
Oh girl, I feel your pain! To wit, check out this post o’ mine from a while back:
http://leslieruthpetree.blogspot.com/2007/05/folks-its-really-quite-simple.html
Also, I’ll echo the disdain that others have mentioned for the oh so stylish empire waisted tops of late. At a recent family gathering my granddaddy pulled my mom aside and asked, “Is Leslie hiding a secret?”
Um, no. Just not standing up straight and 30 pounds overweight. Fabulous.
Ohmygosh! I have resolved never to ask anyone if they are pregnant (or when they are due), unless they are in the floor delivering in front of me. Then I might mention it. Otherwise – nope – cause open mouth, insert foot.
When my daughter was little we saw an overweight man in the grocery and she said in a very loud voice “Look mommy, that man has a baby in his belly.”
Smile.
And I am a fan of the “Sleep Sack”. It’s like a sleeping bag with sleeves. WAY easier than trying to swaddle, and the baby can’t kick it off.
Soooo not funny!
I did this years ago at a health fair when I was taking blood pressures. A woman and her husband stopped by and she had the shape and “the glow”. I encouraged her to check her BP and asked her when she was due. Over 25 years later it still makes me want to crawl under the chair!!
I used to work at a bank, and one day a frequent customer asked me with a smile, “So do you have any news?” while starring at my stomach! When I said, “no?” SHE CONTINUED TO PRY!
What was worse– I had recently lost weight at that point! Sure, my shirt was a bit baggy due to the weight loss but seriously!
PS– Swaddler blankets… they have special blankets with a foot pocket and velcro. I believe they are called Lil Swaddlers. I LOVE LOVE LOVE them (for all my friends’ babies..) They even had a little hole for the seat belt. Way easier than trying to swaddle w/ a regular blanket.
Been there. Done that. Decided I have no sense of humor about such things. =(
By the way… swaddling blanket with Velcro – saved my sanity.
[...] of what Beth’s hair would look like were not just met but actually exceeded. I had an unfortunate incident at Babies ‘R Us and helped give a fun baby [...]