It’s a fetus update and it isn’t even Friday!
You’ve been asking a lot lately about Baby, so I figured it is high time we had an update on The Pregnancy That Seems To Be Taking Forever. This post will also probably take forever to read, so I’m going to apologize for that now. If you can suffer through it though, I’d love to have your thoughts on the emotions that are going on right now.
Roomie’s doing well overall. I think that she’s feeling a lot of different emotions, especially as reality creeps closer and closer (the big event will happen sometime in the next four weeks). We haven’t set-up the nursery yet, mainly because we don’t have the crib, changing table, etc. (someone gave her these items to use, but they are in storage in a state far, far away) or anything else to actually decorate with. I’m not sure what we’re going to do about that little issue, but we know that Baby is going to stay in Roomie’s, um, room at first, so we’re okay on waiting, I guess.
I just had this dream that we’d spend hours putting the crib bedding on, placing the lamps just so, etc. It’s hard to walk in that room and see a few boxes on the floor and a handful of outfits in the closet. We don’t go in the nursery very often, if you want to know the truth. It’s, in a way, just another painful reminder that this is hard.
With that said, we have been very blessed to have received lovely gifts not only from a baby shower we had a few weeks ago but also from you all! Roomie and I were just talking the other night about the fact that you all — the people we have never met — have sent more for this Baby than anyone else. You don’t know how much we appreciate it. Seriously. No, really. Seriously.
This Friday, Roomie and I are going to be making a list of everything left that we need and we’ll start attacking it one item at a time, from one weekly paycheck to another. One thing that God has been teaching me (and I suspect He’s teaching it to Roomie, too) is that He is the provider for this baby — not us. I am almost glad that I don’t have the money to run out and finish buying everything on her registry because it forces me to rely on the fact that God will provide what we need — every last piece of it.
Emotionally, we’re doing okay. I can’t really speak for Roomie (but I think she’s going to be writing a post for ya’ll very soon), but I’m just going through the emotions one at a time. And there’s a lot of emotions inside of me.
Sometimes I’m afraid. How will we do this? And here I go, crying as I type. Don’t get me wrong: I would never, ever not want to do this. If Roomie tried to pack up and leave today, I’d pack my bags and go wherever she ran. But as much as I want it, it is very scary at times.
Roomie and I are very different in the way we handle our feelings and emotions. I am pretty transparent, almost to a fault. Roomie is not even close to being transparent, so to see her finally starting to talk about the hurt these last few weeks has been really difficult for me. I have been on my knees begging God to let me carry some of her pain, not just because I want there to be less for her to carry but also because I want to know what she’s feeling. I want to feel it with her, mainly because I want her to know that she’s not alone.
Oh, goodness the tears are out of control right now.
So, that’s where we’re at right now. Any advice?
Posted: September 24th, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 16
Comments
Comment from mandy
Time: September 24, 2008, 12:46 pm
For you – listening is a big thing. She may just want to ramble on & on (pregnancy will do that do you). And doing things for her w/ out her asking. Us prego ladies have a hard time asking for help. You may also want to start thinking about meals that will be good for her if she’s going to nurse. Certain foods will upset baby’s tummy (chocolate, broccoli, lettuce etc). Maybe make some large meals & freeze them for later. Heaven knows you will want to spend all your time cuddling instead of cooking. Boxed stuff, take out & fast food are not good things to consume when you’re body’s trying to recover let alone nurse.
For her – Depression can be a HUGE struggle towards the end of a pregnancy (and right after baby’s born). Everyone keeps asking “have you had that baby yet?”. Your hips don’t work right, you can’t tie your own shoes sometimes…it’s all overwhelming the first time.
Encourage her to rest when she can get comfortable. That’ll help w/ the depression & with storing her energy for the big event. When she feels good, get her walking. That’ll help w/ the delivery as well & maybe encourage her to lose the baby weight quickly.
This is such a hard time in itself. I can’t imagine doing it w/ out a husband. I’ll be praying for her & the little man…and you too.
Comment from Dawn
Time: September 24, 2008, 12:47 pm
I would just like to second what Jeni said. And to volunteer my babysitting services. Seriously. I have qualifications and everything 
And you should know, I don’t offer something if I’m not serious about following through. Cracker Barrel, babysitting, anything. Just let me know.
Comment from Honor Annekins Harris
Time: September 24, 2008, 1:04 pm
I love all three of you. Very much.
Comment from Kim
Time: September 24, 2008, 1:44 pm
You have some great suggestions so far
I think being a listener and asking her”what can I do for you today?” is a huge help
Of course there will be days when she is so emotional she will have NO idea how you can help
The whole experience from pregnancy to delivery to mommyhood is surreal to say the least
It has taken me years to finally realize these kids are stayin – LOL
The good thing is that God is the only thing you need and He will provide – financially, spiritually, & emotionally
God bless
Kim
Comment from Brandy T.
Time: September 24, 2008, 2:12 pm
Like I said in my email, the best thing that happened to me at this stage in the pregnancy was that my mom MADE me get the nursery ready. And while it’s true that the baby doesn’t “need” a nursery right away, it’s also true that having it all ready will help put both of your minds at ease. While both of you may be feeling unprepared emotionally, financially, spiritually… looking at a finished nursery says, “This is one area that is completely prepared for baby.” I promise it will bring at least some level of comfort.
I also TOTALLY second what Jeni said. Every mom-to-be has periods of being completely overwhelmed. For me, it was the last three months of pregnancy. The simple fact that you are both so concerned about raising a child shows that you have enough love to do it!
Finally, remember that you’re not alone. If you need anything – financially, emotionally, spiritually, sleepilly (I know that’s not a word), etc… you have LOTS of people to call – including ME!
Loving on all three of you!
Comment from Melissa
Time: September 24, 2008, 2:21 pm
Having been in Roomie’s situation, I could say more in response to this than probably you or anyone else here cares to sit and read. So out of respect for all the other readers who do not want to travel 5 pages over to get to the next comment, I won’t do that. I think my email address is connected with this comment. If you would like to call me, send me an email and I will give you my cell phone number. Talk to you later!
Comment from Abby
Time: September 24, 2008, 2:26 pm
Maybe it’s growing up Irish, but my mom always taught us celebrate the “bigs”. So big wins, big losses, big days, big mistakes… all of it requires celebration. Basically because big change marks the end of things as you know it. Life is too short for us to focus on the negatives…it’s easier to face the rough stuff with a party hat on. Hang in there momma! I can’t wait to see what fabulous thing is right around the corner for you, Roomie and Baby
Comment from Shara
Time: September 24, 2008, 2:56 pm
Amy Beth, you are doing such an awesome thing supporting Roomie through this time. I think you need to understand that it’s ok to be scared. This is a really big deal, and it is understandable that both of you would be worried about lots of different things. I had my daughter when I was 17, and though our (me and Roomie) situations are different, I remember being so afraid the unknown. I trusted in God, too, but we’re just human. I think it’s natural.
With that being said, it’s going to be ok. Life is going to move on, one day at a time, and you both are going to be so amazed at what God is going to do. And I can’t wait to read about it!
Comment from Bethany
Time: September 24, 2008, 3:15 pm
You’ve read some of my thoughts about this road the three of you are on in a past Fetus Friday post… it won’t be easy. But every moment of it, even the mistakes, will be worth it.
Roomie may not be able to share everything with you right now. At this point in pregnancy the hormones are running rampant and she may be afraid that if she lets anything loose, she’ll drown in it.
As for the nursery… I know it would feel so much better to have everything prepared, but as Jeni said – what Baby will need from you and Roomie in the first few months is food, clean diapers and lots of love. None of that requires a fancy nursery and whether or not it gets finished before Baby arrives has NO bearing on how much he is loved.
Comment from Alicia
Time: September 24, 2008, 4:55 pm
Call anytime. Seriously. She is not alone.
Comment from Dawn
Time: September 24, 2008, 6:29 pm
Amen to what all the other ladies have said! Being completely panicked at this stage of pregnancy is completely normal. When I had my daughter, I was so scared. Scared about the labor pain & if I could really handle it, scared about caring for a newborn & being responsible for another person, scared about how my life was going to be completely different, etc.
The key for Roomie (and you) is to allow yourself to feel those feelings. Have a good cry about it. Talk about it, if you can. Don’t bottle it up until you just explode. If Roomie has a hard time talking about it, have her write it in a journal – just to get it out & to clear her thoughts. No one has to read what she writes – it can be between her and God. She will feel better just letting it out.
As for the details, don’t worry about them so much. Things will fall into place. Baby will have all that he needs, because God is Jehovah Jireh. He supplies ALL our needs and then some!
Comment from Brenda on the S OR Coast
Time: September 24, 2008, 7:03 pm
Hi Amy Beth ~ I found my way here from Lots of Scotts.
Having birthed six wee human beings myself, I can tell you that Roomie is very blessed to have you living there with her. I feel sure the two of you will navigate these waters with faith and love and patience. Before you know it, the three of you will have a comfy routine going and all of this will be just a memory. Picture yourself on the other side!
One thing that I have found helpful at the end of pregnancy is to take on some kind of project that I would like to finish before the baby is born. It helps the time seem to pass more quickly and keeps me focused in the moment. That last month of pregnancy does seem to last forever! Hang in there. Remind her to rest and pray and eat well.
Will you post your list of baby needs here, so that we can see if there are things we might be able to help with?
God bless you as you seek to serve Him with your life.
~Brenda
Comment from Marla Taviano
Time: September 24, 2008, 9:23 pm
Awww…praying for you, sweetie! And when you’re ready to do the Diapers book give-away, just let me know!
Comment from Kelli
Time: September 24, 2008, 11:04 pm
Well first off I would just like to tell you that I am JUST NOW FINISHING my 6 months old nursery. And she is just fine with it. Don’t let that part stress you out because it is such a small detail and he won’t even remember it! It’s easy to finish later.
My sister’s friend just had a baby and I don’t know Roomie’s story but I imagine that it could be along the same lines. And all I can say is that you are a God send to roomie. I know you are so scared right now and so is she. But that little man is blessed beyond belief that you will be there not only to look after him but to look after his mama. The support that you will be able to offer her as she says “I can’t do this” will mean so much. Because she can do it and so can you.
All I can say is cry if you need and let her cry when she can. It feels good to get it out. And I can almost guarantee that she knows she is not alone. Your love for her and that little boy RADIATES and you just keep on doing what you are doing!
Comment from Christy
Time: September 24, 2008, 11:44 pm
Amy,
My husband works for Penske and may be able to get you a truck super cheap to transfer Roomie’s stuff. You would just need someone to drive it. Let me know if we can help!
back to Home
Comment from Jeni
Time: September 24, 2008, 12:45 pm
Deep breath. And another. Whew. Good.
First of all, regardless of situation, any parents-to-be have periods of near-panic, especially as the time gets closer. (You’re not one of Baby’s parents, exactly, but you will be a big caregiver and helper and honorary Auntie, so you’re entitled to the same feelings.) Everyone has times where the blissful thoughts of tiny Onesies and little hats are replaced with thoughts of inadequacy, anxiety, fear, whathaveyou. Those feelings are totally, completely normal. After all, having a baby IS a big deal!
Secondly, relax. Initially, Baby will only need a few things – food, warmth, clean diapers, snuggles, and a safe place to sleep. That’s it. The needs of a newborn, while demanding, are fairly simple. Those are all needs you and Roomie can meet. Clean diapers? Check. Warm blankies? Check. Breastmilk/Formula? Check. Snuggles? Absolutely, check. See? Needs are all met.
Thirdly, in my own limited experience (I have a 2 year old daughter) the hardest thing about taking care of a baby is coping with the lack of sleep. You’ll both be very tired and very emotional (Roomie more than you), but it’ll be okay. Since God blessed Adam & Eve with Cain, parents have made do with very little sleep. Can’t you just picture Eve saying to Adam, “Would you please take Cain for just a little while? I’m SO tired, and I haven’t even showered today.” It’s a universal thing. Everyone figures it out & survives it – you will, too!
I guess that was a really long response to your question. I hope it helps you feel better. It really WILL be okay. Really. It will.