Well, Roomie made it home last night. She’s been gone for two weeks as she’s been trying To Handle Some Details Pertaining To Her Situation That I Cannot Discuss On A Hot Pink Bloggy. I have missed her and that fetus more than I ever knew was possible. When she pulled up to the house last night, I actually fell over a dining room chair trying to get to the door before she could even get out of her car.

It didn’t happen. Turns out that A. she is quite fast and, B. I am not so fast when I’m tripping over things.

The hugging commenced upon her arrival into the living room at which point I began saying “You’re not in labor, right?” at five minute intervals for the rest of the evening.

Just trying to stay on top of stuff, y’all.

Also. It has come to my attention that I have been writing “ya’ll” and it should be “y’all.” At least according to some of you. And then there are others who say it should be ya’ll. I am going to use them both, decide which one I like best AND THEN CREATE NEW GRAMMAR RULES BASED ON MY FEELINGS.

Back to my story: so, Roomie was starving, I was getting there and Cousin Cate was just along for the ride. We headed to Zaxby’s — Roomie’s place ‘o craving for the last 6 years — and had some chicken. We ran into my college pastor, Hugh, who overfilled his drink causing it to spill all over the counter which brought more delight to us than you can imagine. There’s just something about seeing your pastor wiping up sweet tea that makes you want to get up and help him clean it up sit in your booth and laugh.

When dinner was finished, I surprised Roomie with a small gift card to Hobby Lobby. It was a welcome home gift that I knew she’d want to spend right away because she has really been wanting a scrapbook for the baby. So, off we went to that lovely store otherwise known as The Place Where Amy Beth Opened Her Mouth And Inserted Her Foot and Entire Leg.

We had found a couple of things for the Baby’s room that Roomie really liked and, despite her protests, I threw them in the cart (one thing you should know about Roomie is that she has a hard time accepting gifts, blessings, etc.). The things we found were exactly what we’ve been looking for over the last several months, so I couldn’t just leave them on the shelf.

When we got to the cash register, Roomie stood with her back to the register, continually saying “I can’t even look to see how much this is, I can’t even do it… don’t say the total out loud.” It wasn’t even a lot of stuff, just in case you were wondering, but Roomie couldn’t handle it.

And that’s when The Incident went down.

I decided to tease Roomie and so I said “Oh, look at Cate’s face as she watches the total!” at which point Cate would pretend to gasp. And then, wanting to include our clerk who had… um… a very unique appearance, I decided to say “Oh, you should see Phyllis’ face right now as she’s ringing all this up!”

Except that came out as: “Oh, Phyllis looks really weird!”

And then, there was a silence that seemed to go on for eternity as I tried to figure out the best way to fix this mess. I began profusely apologizing to Phyllis (not her real name, by the way) while Roomie and Cousin Cate literally began laughing so hard that they were bent over right there in checkout lane 2.

I’m relieved to report that Phyllis seemed rather unfazed by the whole “You are weird” comment I had just bestowed upon her, though I did notice we did not get our 50% off a certain picture frame.

It was, however, worth it just to hear Roomie and Cousin Cate yell out “Phyllis looks WEIRD!” from the couch for the rest of the night.