Stability.
In what may come as surprising news, I had the loveliest Thanksgiving of my life this year. As soon as I could get out of the office on Wednesday, I grabbed my bags and headed to a small town in North Carolina to celebrate with some friends — old and new, pink and blue.
Over the course of five days, I went from Tennessee to North Carolina back to Tennessee then to Georgia then back to North Carolina and then, finally, back home to Tennessee. I tried sweet potato casserole for the first time and watched my grandfather beat my brother at Wii bowling. I went to an engagement party for my sweet Katie and had lunch with my mom on Black Friday. I went, with one of my best friends from college, to a restaurant that opened exactly 100 years before I was born and fell asleep that night under three layers of blankets.
And, when it was all over last night, I drove myself home.
I had dreaded the drive home, the task of taking myself back to my house, coming home to my new reality. I told myself that there would be no tears on the drive home, mainly since I was driving through the mountains and needed to concentrate on the road. I think we all know that my driving skills leave much to be desired.
And then, the best thing happened: it started to snow. I was upset, at first, since I have never driven in the snow, especially not over a mountain, especially not in the night. I pulled over, trying to decide what to do — should I try to go back to my friend’s house and stay another night or just keep trying to go home? After calling a couple of people who knew more about the weather, I decided to go home because it was only going to get worse there — no use trying to fight even more of it in the morning.
It was a long two hours after that, as it went from snow to rain to a bit of snow again. I turned the iPod off, put the cell phone with no signal in the seat next to me and gripped the steering wheel the whole way home.
I have a lot of questions right now, due to what’s happened. There are some pretty big decisions that have to be made now dealing with my living arrangements, my job, etc. The whole thing is an absolute mess with me left with a lease for seven more months. I’m looking at all the options and having to make decisions that — no matter which one is selected — will likely take away what little stability I’ve been able to build here. And that’s a real blow when you’re a girl who craves stability.
And yet.
Somewhere in those mountains, on some dark road that I couldn’t tell you the name of, I quietly decided that there is only one thing stable in my life, the only thing that has been stable all these years. And so, I choose to believe that He still has a plan for me, a concern for my life. Don’t get me wrong — the next few months will be hard. They will be ugly at times. And, most devastating to me, they will be unstable at best.
But at least He will be stable.
“It is wonderful what miracles God works in wills that are utterly surrendered to Him. He turns hard things into easy, and bitter things into sweet. It is not that He puts the easy things in place of the hard, but He actually changes the hard thing into an easy one.”
Hannah Whitall Smith
Posted: December 1st, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 27
Comments
Comment from amykay
Time: December 1, 2008, 1:33 pm
i completely understand the panic that instability can bring. the not knowing, the running through all the options in your head, the to-do lists and decisions… and yet, when it comes down to it, even though it sounds way too simplistic, the only decision we really have to make is, am i going to trust Him? and it sounds like you’ve got that one covered.
Comment from Jenn
Time: December 1, 2008, 1:51 pm
Amen, Sister, Amen.
Comment from Abby
Time: December 1, 2008, 1:51 pm
The wisdom of silence… hang in there and remember that God has blessed you with an amazing safety net of friends and loved ones… Some – you may not even be able to pick out of a line up.
Comment from Michelle
Time: December 1, 2008, 1:56 pm
Amazing post! I missed you.
Firstly…you visit North Carolina? Yay! You can come and visit me too when I finally get myself to the US!
Secondly, I am amazed at how often I realise that He is has a plan for me. That He is there for me. That He is my stability. Time and time again I am reminded. It rings true each and every time.
Glad you got home safe my dear.
Comment from Racer
Time: December 1, 2008, 2:20 pm
Beautiful post. You are in my prayers as you make such hard decisions.
Comment from Beth
Time: December 1, 2008, 2:50 pm
sooo glad you had a great weekend! You are growing thru the pain. keep hanging on to Him. love ya!
Comment from Mocha with Linda
Time: December 1, 2008, 2:51 pm
Love this. God is making something so beautiful out of your life.
Glad you had a good weekend with family and friends!!
Comment from Rebecca
Time: December 1, 2008, 3:03 pm
Amen! When we cant see the plan … He’s already got it mapped out!
Comment from Krista
Time: December 1, 2008, 3:42 pm
I too do not do well with instability. I like to have my life planned out at least a year in advance… 
How God must laugh at our plans, huh?
Comment from Lindsey
Time: December 1, 2008, 4:05 pm
Amy Beth,
I came to your website for the first time about a month ago after reading about the msn search thingy.
Last night, I was having the hardest time sleeping. I finally got up and said, “Lord, I’m awake. What do you want to to show me?” You came to mind, and I found myself searching for your websits. At one point, I thought…what in the world is the Lord going to show me on a blog? I feel like I’m on a wild goose chase!
When I finally found the site again…now bookmarked 
…I wept, wept and wept some more as I read through your entries from the last few weeks.
I feel so connected to you even though I’ve never met you. Lifiting you up in prayer. Praying that the Lord will continue to remind you that our only real stability can be found in Him and only in Him, and that He is always stable.
Thanks for allowing your real, raw emotion to flow. God bless, Amy Beth!
Comment from SB
Time: December 1, 2008, 4:13 pm
AB – I’m so glad you had a nice Thanksgiving! You really deserve one. And I’m jealous you got to see snow! I was in New England, and I didn’t get snow! It probably wasn’t as exciting to you, but I love snow. Whenever it comes out of the blue like that, I like to think it’s one of those “kisses from God” that Stasi Eldridge (sp?) talks about in Captivating. Hopefully you’ll get one of those kisses soon – not in the form of precipitation!
Comment from Julie
Time: December 1, 2008, 4:27 pm
I’m so proud of you. It seems odd to say that being that we’ve never met, but I am! You are a giver. You give yourself to so many people and make such a difference in their lives. Don’t sell yourself short. You are God’s child and He loves you. Sometimes it is good to hide in His shelter and be quiet and listen. (Its hard for me to be quiet, how about you?) You love many and are loved by many. I can’t wait to see what the next 10 years hold for you. I know you are worried about the next 10 days, but don’t be. Embrace each day as a new day to serve God and praise His name. He won’t let you down. Thank God for that!!!
Comment from Ronnica
Time: December 1, 2008, 4:27 pm
Oh, what a blessing to know that everything is not just pure chaos! What a wonderful Rock!
Comment from Julie
Time: December 1, 2008, 4:41 pm
I am so glad that you had such a nice time away. Keep holding onto Him and He will never ever let you go! How’s that hair doin? lol
in His love,
julie
Comment from Tamara
Time: December 1, 2008, 4:46 pm
So funny, we talked about this very thing in Sunday School yesterday. We talked about the things that give us security: job, home, family, insurance, money in the bank, etc. Then we talked about the only real source of security, as described by David, here: http://tinyurl.com/6aswrw. My health, my home, my job, my family, my insurance, my bank, all these things may fail. But God is my Rock, my fortress, deliverer, my stronghold. He is timeless. He will not fail. He is stability. That was a reminder I was very much in need of!
Comment from Amanda
Time: December 1, 2008, 5:09 pm
Looking forward to watching Him work. He is going to show His faithfulness.
Comment from Rhonda
Time: December 1, 2008, 5:40 pm
Here is a link to Psalms 119 in The Message version.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalms%20119;&version=65;
I know it is long but well worth reading. Here is a little teaser:
I’m feeling terrible—I couldn’t feel worse!
Get me on my feet again. You promised, remember?
When I told my story, you responded;
train me well in your deep wisdom.
Help me understand these things inside and out
so I can ponder your miracle-wonders.
My sad life’s dilapidated, a falling-down barn;
build me up again by your Word.
Barricade the road that goes Nowhere;
grace me with your clear revelation.
I choose the true road to Somewhere,
I post your road signs at every curve and corner.
I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me;
God, don’t let me down!
I’ll run the course you lay out for me
if you’ll just show me how.
Thinking of you and praying for you!
Comment from trs
Time: December 1, 2008, 6:11 pm
I can’t wait to see what God has in store for you! It’s going to be so exciting… you know that don’t you?
In case you didn’t know, I just went through 14 months of unemployment. I had a tiny bundle of money saved… and I mean tiny – and I took a parttime job (that I LOVED!) and somehow that money lasted for 14 months!!!
I started my new (perfect) job last week – and as my friends celebrated and cheered for me, they also commended me on my frugality (is that a word?) in surviving the past 14 months. They knew that I had cut back – down to bare bones spending – no girls’ nights out – no new clothes ACK! and they thought I must have had plenty of money saved up to live on.
Ha! I had $4000 – and an $800 mortgage to pay each month! You do the math.
And frugal? Do you call a $60 Bare Minerals kit from Ulta frugal? Ha.
I knew all along that God was making my money last – but when it came down to the bitter end – I realized that God gave me loaves & fishes!
I had little, but it lasted – through the hand of God.
He will do the same for you.
I know He will.
Comment from Kristy
Time: December 1, 2008, 6:39 pm
Praying for you. Keep your focus on Him and He alone with light your path.
Comment from Sherilyn
Time: December 1, 2008, 7:19 pm
God’s going to do something wonderful w/ this situation, & I can hardly wait to find out what! Praying for you to stay strong during this roller-coaster ride.
Comment from Lisa @ put-it-on-the-list
Time: December 1, 2008, 9:23 pm
I know everyone else has left you scripture links, but I’m going to link you to the early release of a chapter from Anne Jackson’s book _Mad Church Disease_, in which she talks about forgiveness and trust. It’s great stuff.
http://www.zondervan.com/media/cms/Lead_Teach/madchurchch11_cms.pdf
Also, as I was reading through your post, I kept thinking of the Caedmon’s Call song “Lead of Love.” The chorus goes, “Looking back, I see the lead of love.” So often that’s true: we don’t see God’s hand in our tough times, but six months or a year down the road, we can see how He’s brought us through that time, loving us all the way.
Hold tight.
Comment from Taryn
Time: December 2, 2008, 1:47 am
Anytime you’d like a lesson in driving in snow just let me know! 
) Here in Central NY we get a ton. I mean A TON. And it is so unpredictable.
This year has certainly had it’s ups and downs for me but I’ve finally learned that it’s all going to unfold just the way it’s supposed to because of God’s plan and we need to trust it. I know you trust Him and I know He will take care of you!
YOu could always try talking to your landlord and maybe work something out with the lease. I’m a landlord myself and a good landlord understands when circumstances change for good people.
XOXOXOX I am praying for you! Big hugs from snow country!
Comment from jmom@lotsofscotts
Time: December 2, 2008, 10:50 am
You are awesome. I LOVED this post. I was worried about you for the last several days without a post. SO glad God has been speaking right to your heart. “The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit.” Psalm 34:18
He is close to you , AB!
Comment from Alet
Time: December 4, 2008, 8:43 am
It is amazing how many comforting words you can cram into a post, you have just given me hope for the coming year.
Thank you!
Comment from cathy davis
Time: December 4, 2008, 1:50 pm
How I wish I could give you a hug. I praise God for agape love – so it means I can honestly say – I love you Amy Beth!
Pingback from Ministry So Fabulous! » A look back at the great ‘08.
Time: December 29, 2008, 4:43 pm
[...] found me searching for stability and laughing at Cousin Cate’s country accent. Making a mature decision resulted in my [...]
back to Home
Comment from Brittany
Time: December 1, 2008, 1:04 pm
I’m glad you had a good long weekend. I left you something on my blog,. Be sure to check it out.