Because the best is yet to come.
In an effort to stay awake past 6 p.m. tonight, I decided to find something to watch, namely some movie on TV. As typical, the Oxygen channel came through with an evening showing of Pride and Prejudice. I decided to watch, mainly because of the personal irony surrounding it: nearly one year ago, I sat with my then-boyfriend watching this very movie, one of his favorites.
I remember watching the movie and wishing it would just end for crying out loud! I didn’t understand anything that was going on in the storyline, even though I pretended like I was following the story. This guy was — and is — way smarter than me and I didn’t want him to know that I was totally lost, even though I had seen the movie several times before. I vaguely remember him pausing the movie to talk about some poetic line from it and me just nodding my head while wondering why we couldn’t just turn off the movie and get to kissing.
Oh, if you think that was too honest, just keep reading.
As I started watching the movie tonight, I realized that — for the first time — I was actually following the storyline! I even understood who was flirting with who, something that isn’t that easy with this particular movie. By the time it ended I knew that, though perhaps a year late, I had finally gotten the concept of the movie.
What a difference a year can make.
As I was reading over some of my posts from the last year to put together the end of the year review, I found myself cringing at some of the things I had written, particularly where I talked about not wanting to be single. This is probably because, over the last month or so, God has spoken to me more about my singleness than ever before.
It all began with me asking Him to help me see singleness as a gift. My head knows that it is a gift, but I sure haven’t felt it in my heart. With His nudging, I looked over what I had written both here and in my personal diary and found that there seemed to be a theme: desperation.
This realization was a tough one for me, mainly because the only thing I want to be desperate for is Him. He also gently helped me see quite a few other things, two of particular importance: first that my desire had turned into my idol and, secondly, that my feelings of loneliness tended to be more intense when I was not in intimate relationship with Him.
If He had tried to show me these things before now, I’m not sure I could have comprehended them. I’m afraid it would have been a lot like my movie experience a year ago, with me pretending like I got it when I really didn’t. I would have just been nodding my head, waiting until we could move onto something else.
But He knew already knew that and so He waited until I was ready. Ready to understand, ready to receive words of correction with love. And when the time was right — something only He could know — He made His move on my heart.
And so I’m not going to cringe anymore when I read back on those posts. Because I know what a difference a year can make, both in movie-watching and heart-changing. They say you can’t rush love, and I’m convinced that you also can’t rush Him. He is well aware of my desire to have someone to love and be loved by, but He is also very well aware of the condition of my heart and the work that He and I must do in it before those desires can be realized.
And what I really wanted to say, with just a few hours left in this year that you’ve come along for each morning as you’ve shown up to read a bit about my life, is thank you.
Thank you for realizing that I have so much growth left to happen and that you’re seeing a lot of it — from the wicked to the wonderful — spilled onto the screen in front of you. You’ve given me an incredible gift by letting me just be a girl in her early twenties, with all the confusion and beauty that comes along with the age.
What a difference a year can make, indeed. And I can’t wait to see what the next one holds.
I hope you’ll come along with me for it.
Posted: December 31st, 2008 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 20
Comments
Comment from Christy
Time: December 31, 2008, 9:57 pm
I love watching you grow AB, and at times I am growing with you. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers my bloggy friend.
Happy New Year…may 2009 be your most amazing year yet!
Comment from Leslie Ruth
Time: December 31, 2008, 9:58 pm
Oh wonderful, precious, beautiful, funny, sweet, sassy Amy Beth- there’s no place I’d rather be than watching you AND alongside of you on this journey. Thanks for inviting us along for the ride…
Comment from taryn in ny
Time: December 31, 2008, 10:48 pm
Oh you know I’ll be there!
Cheers to 2009!
XOXOXOXO
Comment from Nina
Time: December 31, 2008, 11:06 pm
I’m along for the ride…yeah, I’m hopping right about……..NOW lol…
Comment from Vicky
Time: December 31, 2008, 11:12 pm
I’m watching “Pride and Prejudice” on Oxygen tonight too!!!! (Elizabeth just turned down Mr. Collins– Yay!)
I just commented on Beth Moore’s post (saw your comment too) about being alone this year… but that it was sorta a choice and that I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself this year. A month ago, I would have been sad about it… but right now I’m content with where I’m at and excited to see how God uses this time in my life. For the last year, God has been telling me to sit and wait and let Him do the work. However, only in the last couple of weeks have I started to understand what that looks like. And so, tonight, I don’t mind being here alone.
I’m always glad to read your blog, Amy Beth. So often, you are writing exactly what I am feeling. I can’t wait to see how God works in both of our lives in the coming year!
Comment from Anne
Time: January 1, 2009, 12:19 am
As a single girl, I’m sitting here cheering you on! I’ve been there before (and visit every now and then just for grins and giggles!). The Lord has taught me so much about viewing my singleness as an opportunity to “care for the things of the Lord.” Keep on, Amy Beth. It really is “ministry so fabulous!”
Happy ’09!
Comment from Cyndi
Time: January 1, 2009, 1:23 am
Amy Beth, I am 43, and I am simultaneously envious of the exciting surprises God surely has in store for your next 20 years and praising Him that I am done with the agony of my dating years. 
Happy New Year!
Comment from Amanda
Time: January 1, 2009, 1:37 am
Hi Amy, I saw your comment on the LPM blog and followed the link here – and I’m glad I did! You said something great in this post about being “a girl in her early twenties, with all the confusion and beauty that comes along with the age.” As another one of those girls, single as well, I can totally relate. Thanks for putting it so well!
Happy 2009!
Comment from Randa
Time: January 1, 2009, 3:11 am
hooray for new beginnings and realizations!
Comment from trs
Time: January 1, 2009, 4:10 am
I’m here – cheering you on.
and just for the record – as much as we’re supposed to embrace it… single is really hard to appreciate
Comment from Michelle
Time: January 1, 2009, 5:50 am
Oh I will be right here next to you!
Also I was far too excited when I read that bit about Pride and Prejudice. I watch both movies and read the book every year. AMAZING. Really, Austen was an amazing writer, you should try read her other books too, you will love them. And may I just add that you are more than smart enough to understand it all! Amy Beth!!!!
If you have time on your hands I recommend you get hold of the BBC version, it is long, but it has Colin Firth as Mr Darcy…swoon! It is amazing!
Happy New Year sister!
Comment from Kelley
Time: January 1, 2009, 10:49 am
I couldn’t think of a more fun place to be!
Have an awesome New Year, Amy Beth! : )
Comment from Jennifer
Time: January 1, 2009, 3:12 pm
I look forward to seeing what the new year holds for you! And for me!
Comment from debbie d.
Time: January 1, 2009, 5:41 pm
1. I don’t think you can really understand the new P&P without first watching the A&E version with Colin Firth…and honey…all that Colin Firth is a GOOD thing…
2. Sister, I’ve got your back…I cringe when I look back on jr. high and high school diaries…and things I wrote 5, 10, 15 years ago…and um…five days ago for that matter…but it’s all part of the process in making the magic that is debbie d. The good news is, God’s got your back too…the bad news, oh the sometimes hard to embrace news, is that we will never get to a point in this life…single, married, divorced, widowed, where we can say, “I’ve got it! I’m the end all, be all that God wants me to be, now let’s just coast this baby on into eternity.” If santification were easy, we wouldn’t need Christ to make it happen. Press on! you can do this!
3. We have never met in person, though I am frequent caller to the “Starlite Web Cam” show, I love you to a million billion stinky little pieces.
Comment from JAIME
Time: January 1, 2009, 7:19 pm
Amy Beth, we’ll all be here. Not only to watch you grow, but to grow with you. I hope you’ll continue to let us be a passenger on your ride through life and learning. I know I’ll be buckled in tight and I’ll even hold the camera while you drive.
Comment from Abby
Time: January 2, 2009, 9:35 am
Can’t imagine being anywhere else.
Comment from Dawn@Wherever He Leads We’ll Go
Time: January 2, 2009, 2:34 pm
Thanks for sharing the ups, downs & in-betweens with us! I am 36 & wish I had half the wisdom you have when I was your age. Some of us are REALLY slow learners!
I am so thankful that He is faithful when we are not. He is wise when we are not. He is loving when we are not. And more than anything – that He is so very personal. He knows exactly what each one of us needs. He knows exactly how to teach each one of us lessons. He does not work with cookie-cutters – each one of us gets our own personal “work-up”. He is so amazing!
Comment from Tamara
Time: January 5, 2009, 11:47 am
Amy Beth, good for you! You go, girl! Can’t wait to see what God has in store for you in 2009!
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Comment from mandy
Time: December 31, 2008, 9:50 pm
Of course we will. We love watching you grow. Helping any way we can.
You have a wide array of readers. Tons of perspectives. All for you babe.