An open letter to my college girls on our leadership team.
Dearest K, N, A, B, R, S, A, M, S, SR, L, J, K, D, S, M & J:
I hope you have all had a very merry Christmas and the happiest New Year AND NOW IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO COME BACK.
Yes, I understand that you still have 1.5 weeks left at home with your mom doing your laundry and dad slipping you twenties. But? Hello? I have so, so much more to offer you here in Cleveland.
Observe:
1. Upon your return, we will be having a Processed Nacho Cheese Drill at ye olde Starlite office. I need everyone to bring their own ice cream scoops and you may want to wear old clothes. Also, I suggest pulling your hair into a ponytail that day to help prevent accidental hair damage from the PNC.
2. Speaking of said ministry office, guess what? We’re moving! No, really. You’re getting details in an email later today, but I thought I’d break it to you on the blog first. ‘Cause there is nothing that will make you jump in your car and head my way faster than hearing that we get to pack up six years worth of stuff including, but not limited to, last Easter’s leftover supply of broken plastic eggs. Bring your packing tape, loves!
3. If you’ve been a wee bit lonely over the holidays with no beau to call your own, perk up because you — yes, every last one of you! — are getting boyfriends when you get back to town! We’re at a low boyfriend rate at the moment with only four known boyfriends to pull from, though SR did help our statistics by getting engaged over the break (thanks for taking one for the team, girl!) increasing our current engaged level to TWO! I’m going to need the rest of you to find ones immediately upon your return to town so that we can guarantee adequate male strength on Office Moving Day. If you have a strong brother of furniture-lifting age who lives nearby and is willing to help, you are excused from the boyfriend requirement and may proceed with your single status. If you do, however, choose the boyfriend route, please remember that what you choose to do with said boyfriend after Office Moving Day is entirely up to you. No pressure.
In closing, get your ba-donk-a-donks back here, stat.
Love, kisses and baby unicorns,
Amy Beth
I’m the first to comment…NAHNAH…lol…Anyhow, What if we don’t find a bf?? What happens then, because at the rate I’m going I won’t have one ’til I’m forty…I can’t wait for the PNC drill day…fun times!!! And, baby unicorns?!?! Where did that come from? Also, you drove past my road going to the river, hope you realized!!! Much love~
Boyfriend and I will be back in town at the latest the night of the 12th! We will be ready to help! But I’m sorry AB, i can’t help with the engagement. Be ready to have a happily together (and non-engaged) couple there to help. And one other thing, WHERE ARE WE MOVING TO?????
you’re moving?! well…skunks, I want the scoop on that too…my big dogs could come and help shred paper…they are especially gifted in that area…
If nothing else, the baby unicorns’ll get ‘em back.
oooooo, pressure! i think moving day for starlite would be a GREAT first date, don’t you??
What day and time should I place you in my schedule AB? I have some archangels that need repenting-work that would love to help as well.