Too legit to quit.
I think the first thing we need to do in order to have this conversation is level the playing field. Several people have left comments or sent emails saying something to the effect of “I think it’s great that you’ve made the choice to remain a virgin but? Me? Well, it’s too late for me.”
You don’t know this but, when I wrote the initial post that got this whole thing started, I almost deleted it before posting it. It wasn’t that I was ashamed or embarrassed to post it; actually, it was the opposite: I didn’t want to appear “holier than thou” or anything along those lines. I’ve seen that card played among Christians — the whole “I’m a virgin, you are not, therefore I am innately better than you” — and you better believe I wanted to steer clear of that.
I happened to be with a good friend when I was writing that post and I remember saying to her that I hoped no one would take it as my being prideful that I’m still a virgin. The sentence had barely left my mouth when we both dissolved in laughter mainly because, after all we have shared with each other about our dating histories, WE CONSIDER IT A MODERN DAY MIRACLE THAT WE ARE STILL VIRGINS.
So, um, consider the playing ground leveled.
I, like a lot of other girls I know, have an appetite for certain things. When I watch certain things, talk about certain things or — and this is a big one — read certain things, my appetite increases. Naturally, I start wanting to feed that appetite, to somehow satisfy that hunger. And that’s where things go wrong for me.
I believe God placed a legitimate need for s*x inside of me. And I believe that need will be met one day in my marriage bed. In the meantime — whether that be a year, five years, twenty years (PLEASE, GOD, NOOOOOOOO!!!!!) — it’s up to me to choose to not use illegitimate ways to attempt to meet a legitimate need.
I’ll say it again, just in case you also were distracted by the idea of a potential twenty year wait: I cannot use illegitimate ways to try to meet a legitimate need.
Especially since the hole I’m typically trying to illegitimately fill isn’t a need for s*x at all.
Wow, AB. What a great post…….
=)
thank you.
Good post – Holier than thou people shouldn’t really exist, it’s a contradiction.
Modern day miracles! I’m claiming it!
Wow, Amy Beth, you have such a powerful way with words. Thank you for being so transparent!
Oh I have to come back to tell you, I love the Title, I say that too much!
I’im with you in the virgin camp, but like you said, it easily could have been otherwise. I’ve been in relationships where I didn’t put up the boundaries where they should have been.
Oh girl, you have such wisdom there… keep sharing! Man… can my daughter be like you when she grows up!?! Please, God! Regardless of what mistakes you may make, you seek after God’s heart like you’re running a race… and it shows, Amy Beth!!
great post!
Great word.
You go girl!
Leigh-NC
I’m really happy to just let the other comments say what I’m feeling as well (which is IMMENSE, HUGE, GIGANTOR pride and gratefulness for you) but thought I’d let you know. You know, in actual print
Keep going!
Well said. It’s a rusty can of worms to crack open, and others DO stare and grumble when they hear the importance of obedience to God and wating for the right one. But it’s a can that needs to be opened, to put it delicately!
Good job diving in! And I’m right there with you in the waiting 1, 5, 10, 20 (Oh God NOOOOOO!) thing! 23 and counting. My peace of mind and spirit are worth too much! Hang in there! It’s gonna be worth it all!
It’s about that last line. So SO true – and that, I believe, is the number one reason we fall into SO MANY different sins — we’re trying to meet our needs with things that can never satisfy!
It is refreshing to see somebody else tackle this topic. You wouldn’t believe the comments I get from others (or maybe you would!)…even other believers…when I (rarely) talk about being a 29 yr. old virgin. Thanks for being so honest & open!
Amy Beth,
It is nice to know that there are still girls out there that are virgins. I pray that my daughters stay that way til they meet the right man that God has for them. I have to say that being a virgin on my wedding night was the best gift I could ever have given my husband.
The only thing that bothers me by this post is your use of “Too Legit to Quit”. You are way too young to be quoting 90s rap. I know it was justifiable considering the content of your post, but next time let’s go with something more 21st century. But I promise it will be worth the wait when you are married and “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It”.
Right on sister!
To those who think it is too late for them – may I offer this… just because you did doesn’t mean you have to continue.
There are many things we do once or twice (or more) before we realize we’re better off not doing it. Touching a hot stove, driving tipsy, kissing a stranger. As you grow and learn, you know that you are better off not doing those things.
I made the mistake of sleeping with my college boyfriend. I thought I was going to marry him. I was wrong. I’m so glad I didn’t marry him. Then I fell into the trap of going too far with a couple more guys – before I realized – if I keep thinking I’m going to marry whatever guy I’m dating – this could keep going for a while. If I continue at this rate, I’ll use up ALL my fingers counting the sexual partners before my husband.
So I stopped at three. I’ve been abstinent for 11 years. Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes it’s easy.
Usually it’s easy because I know what I deserve.
It’s hard because most men don’t stick around after the 3rd or 4th date if they have to keep waiting for sex.
Good riddance.
Many of my girlfriends think I’m nuts for maintaining my abstinence. The other night, a girl in our group told she’s abstinent too! I was so excited to hear her testimony – then the waitress came for our order and she breathed a sigh of relief in not having to share.
My point is – just because you did, doesn’t mean you have to. God forgives you. The right man will too.
and a few men inbetween now and mr right will respect you for it too.
(sorry for the post – but I thought my experience might help someone)