When ministry doesn’t feel so fabulous.
So, some big changes are coming my way in the next few months. It might take me a bit to explain it all out, so I hope you’ll forgive the length of this post.
I’ve casually mentioned a couple of times that Starlite is entering a season of transition, some of which I can blog about, some of which I can’t. The most notable thing at the moment is the fact that, this coming weekend, we’re moving out of the offices we’ve occupied for the last few years. The property was recently sold to a new owner who will be bringing in other tenants. We’ve known this was a possibility for awhile now, but the reality of it has fully hit us this week, I think.
We’ll be moving to a temporary space to finish out the semester so, this Friday and Saturday, we’re having a massive moving sale to significantly downsize some of our “belongings” and prepare for the next step of our transition. As we were going over details for the sale in our leader’s meeting this past Sunday night, several of my girls broke down in tears, with me leading the pack. I think I can speak for every single girl on our team when I say that we do not like the season we’re in at all.
But for me personally, the season got a whole lot worse one morning last week.
I had just arrived back at the office from going to buy some supplies for our programs when I heard that I had a message asking me to give one of our donors a call. It struck me as odd since it would typically be his secretary calling so I immediately called his cell and began with an apology for not being at the office for his earlier call. His reply was quick and to the point:
“Girl, if you knew why I was calling, you’d probably wish you hadn’t returned my call.”
His call was just like the various other ones I’ve received over the last six months, donors apologetic as they inform me that they’ll no longer be able to give. But while his call was similar to the other ones, it had one significant difference for me, the one who knew what the loss of our single largest monthly donor would mean at least for now.
I basically lost my salary with that call.
With the loss of that particular amount coming in each month coupled with the mass exodus of other donors who simply can’t keep giving due to the economy, we just can’t support my salary, low as it is. Without going into too many details, I receive a flat base pay each month regardless of how many hours I work. While I am extremely appreciative of even having a salary, there’s no denying it’s a very small sum of money. To put it in perspective for you, if you took the number of hours I worked last month and divided them into my base pay, you’d learn that I made about $4.43 / hr. As you’ll probably remember, I work at a second job (that I don’t blog about) in order to supplement my income so I can still work for Starlite. It hasn’t been fun to do that, but it’s been the only way so I’ve just done it. It’s been the only way I could do my dream, Starlite.
And now I just don’t know what to do.
Our programs won’t shut down this semester; I’ve always insisted that we have the money we need for that before a semester even begins so there’s no chance of us having to “pull out” in the middle of a semester, right as we’re making progress with the girls. The money we need for that is already in the account, evenly divided out to carry us through the end of April, when our programs end for the semester. I’ve always felt very strongly about having it this way and now, in a moment where it matters, I’m so glad we made those provisions ahead of time.
The money for my salary, however, comes after that, from donations that we depend on to come in on a monthly basis. I’ve known from the beginning that my salary wasn’t guaranteed from month-to-month, but God has always provided, even through just providing me with the second job that allows me to pay my student loans, among other things. Neither job is enough to live on by itself but somehow together, the finances work out — if just barely — at the end of the month.
That morning that I got the call, I went to talk to my mentor right away, mainly because I was devastated on the inside. She listened quietly before saying the very thing I couldn’t have put into words myself:
“You know, Amy Beth, the thing about your situation is that, unlike other people who have in essence lost their job, you can’t just pack up your desk and leave tomorrow morning. I know you well enough to know that you’ll show up tomorrow morning, with or without a salary. You won’t leave Starlite in the middle of a semester, but going into your office each morning not knowing if you’re going to be paid for that day’s work just increases the burden you’re already carrying.”
And she’s right. We have enough set aside to pay me for March, but I honestly have no idea where the future months’ pay will come from seeing as I have commitments with Starlite until July and need to stay on salary until then. I know my story isn’t different from the tens of thousands in the nation right now, but when it’s your story, it sure does hit closer to home, especially when you’re single, without another person’s income to depend on.
I tell you all of this for a couple of reasons.
First, if you’re the praying type, I sure would appreciate your prayers over the next few days, weeks and months.
Secondly, I’m assuming that my blogging may be a bit “different” as I go through this season. There’s a lot that I won’t be able to write about, but I’m sure my tone will be, at times, different. They’ll be laughter, I’m sure, but probably some tears, too, as I go through days where I may just not feel like blogging. One thing that God has taught me during the last three months of dealing with Roomie and Baby leaving is that I need to bring things to Him before bringing them to the blog; I’m sure this season of life won’t be any different, of course.
The last reason, however, that I wanted to tell you what’s going on is because I want you to know the truth. It would be very easy for me to just write funny little anecdotes over the next few weeks, pretending like everything is easy and breezy. I don’t feel like that’s fair, however; part of ministry is the funny, happy times and I’ll of course still be writing about those, too. But part of it is the hard, stick-through-it-don’t-you-dare-think-about-running-away times and, in an effort to be transparent, I’ll be writing about those times, too.
When I picked the name for this blog, I meant it tongue-in-cheek. The idea of ministry being fabulous all the time would make most anybody in vocational ministry laugh. It isn’t fabulous to wonder if you’re going to get a paycheck over the next few months.
But it is fabulous to know I’m getting ready to see Him as a provider like never before.
Posted: February 18th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 38
Comments
Comment from JAIME
Time: February 18, 2009, 10:07 am
Wow Amy Beth! I’m not sure I would want to be in your wellies this rainy Wednesday…..but if it would help you get throught this bump in your road……I would do it. I don’t know what kind of money it takes to keep Starlite running and salary coming to you, but I can tell you that I will be bringing up your name at our prayer meeting tonight at church and maybe, just maybe we could help you. I think what Starlite is soooooooooo awesome and I think that He will provide.
Comment from Happy Geek
Time: February 18, 2009, 10:10 am
I am praying.
Comment from Mocha with Linda
Time: February 18, 2009, 10:16 am
Wow. I’m touched by your pain and by your authenticity and desire to live this out in a way that glorifies God. You have been and are in such a season of a refiner’s fire, but you are already shining forth as gold! Hugs to you.
Comment from Brittany
Time: February 18, 2009, 10:22 am
My husband’s job ( our sole source of income) has been on a day to day basis for the past month. “But my God shall supply all your needs” has taken on a whole new meaning. You’re in my prayers.
Comment from Kelli
Time: February 18, 2009, 10:29 am
AB I will hit my knees everyday for you. I will be praying that as you bear this new burden, you continue to know He is in control and will carry you through this difficult time. Also I will pray that all the necessary funds are provided so that you can rest a little easier as all the new changes are going on.
I would give you a huge hug, a bottle of sunny d, and a piece of chicken fried chicken right now if I could!
Comment from Tamara
Time: February 18, 2009, 10:42 am
Amy Beth,
I will be praying for you in the days to come. Having been single for many years, I recognize the fear that comes when you don’t have the security of another income, or, honestly, another set of shoulders. Praise the Lord that you have His, always available, and far more capable shoulders. He will carry you, in every way that matters. Now that I’m married, my husband and I just came through a season of unemployment. And even now, we don’t know how secure either of our jobs is. But it was such a sweet season of relying heavily on God and seeing Him provide each day for our needs. It wasn’t easy, but I wouldn’t trade the experience. Even our friends and family became dearer to us through that season, as they lifted us up and ministered to us. I pray you will experience these blessings in the days ahead.
Meanwhile, might you consider squeezing in a bit of photography? You have such a gift in that area…might be useful for some additional income.
Wishing you orange jello and Sunny D!
Comment from Donna @ Way More Homemade
Time: February 18, 2009, 10:57 am
AB-
I have no experience with such a situation to draw from to give you awesome advice. I wish I could. But anything I say at this point would be trite. I will say that I am looking forward to seeing exactly how God reveals himself in a new way to you though this.
Blessings.
Donna
Comment from sweethomealagirl
Time: February 18, 2009, 11:13 am
praying, sweet girl. This was no surprise to God, and He’s got you covered!
Comment from Ronnica
Time: February 18, 2009, 11:15 am
(((HUG)))
May God use this to stretch you and mold you more into the woman He made you to be.
Comment from taryn in ny
Time: February 18, 2009, 11:19 am
I am praying for you and Starlite… always. And… I’ll continue to play the lotto because all you need is a dollar and a dream and if I ever win you can bet your salary would be paid! Funny but serious here.
Reading the comments above… Tamara had a good thought… I know you are spread so thin with your time as it is now… but what about doing a little photography? I pay my photographer up here $125 per hour to take pictures of Mitchell.
I do believe and trust in God’s plan and this is all going to fall into place just as it is supposed to!
XOXOXO
Comment from bessie.viola
Time: February 18, 2009, 11:20 am
Hey Amy Beth ~ I am praying for you. Times right now are so tough for so many, and it stinks that you’re a part of that. But He always, always provides.
Feel free to say what you need here – you’ve provided me with so much inspiration just over the past month or so. I hope that the words we send to you here will do the same for you.
Hugs & peace.
Comment from Rebecca
Time: February 18, 2009, 12:10 pm
This breaks my heart to hear for so many reasons…. I know ministries everywhere are being affected & that saddens me… but to see the personal side of it – knowing how important it is to you – its hard to hear how bad things are…
But we know our God is Mighty & HE can make things happen even when we dont see how they can work out… so we will PRAY & yes, by taking everything to him, He’ll STAY in control of it!!!
Comment from mandy
Time: February 18, 2009, 12:25 pm
We’ve been in this situation for almost a year now. We planned ahead by saving…but we didn’t plan for a year of downslide.
Thankfully God provided just enough…nothing more. We had to cancel phone services, cancel tv services, cancel all eating out, canceling any purchases whatsoever except absolute necessities, sell stuff. It helped us realize all the things we spent money on that were super wasteful.
I’m certain God will provide exactly what you need in your personal life & your ministry.
I won’t lie…it’s hard…but I know you can do it!!! And He will help!!!
Comment from Rachel
Time: February 18, 2009, 12:39 pm
AB, my heart goes out to you and my prayers go up for you. Sometimes I get so frustrated that ministry is so often directly tied to ministry, because when the money dries up it is a true leap of faith to keep walking forward.
We are going through something similar. My hubby works for a large Southern Baptist seminary and we just took a 50% salary cut because giving is down all over, and with the exception of tuition, our seminary is wholly supported by giving. This has been going on for a little over a month but it is amazing to see how God provides in “new” ways. It sure keeps me on my toes, that’s for sure.
This season too will pass. You have been faithful with what has been given so far – most people would not think to plan so far ahead to keep the programs covered. God will honor that. He will also honor that fact that you have always put yourself last when it comes to money. Who knows what form His provision will take? Maybe you’ll get a raise from the Other Job. Maybe a new donor will rise up in place of the old one. The good thing is you’ve saved for Starlite for this semester, and then you’ll have several months to work for the next semester. In the meantime ask Him for YOUR daily bread, as scary as that can be. I personally am praying for Him to move on our economy as a whole. But we’ll all just have to see what He is doing.
Thank you for being real about ministry. It isn’t always glamorous, but it IS always rewarding, even if those rewards don’t transfer directly into our bank accounts.
Comment from Becky Jo
Time: February 18, 2009, 12:52 pm
I am so heartbroken for you. I know this is scary, but God is soooo much bigger than a paycheck. Just take each step forward as directed by Him, He will lead you safely through.
If I could, I would write you a big ol check. But we are doing the “drastic change in income and what the hairy hey dance are we gonna do now” dance ourselves. However, that means we are also doing the “Praise the sweet name of Jesus, look at how God is carrying us through this mess” praise dance too!
Yeah, God is sooooo much bigger than a paycheck!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
Comment from Honour Annekins Harris
Time: February 18, 2009, 1:01 pm
I love you, Amy Beth!
Comment from amykay
Time: February 18, 2009, 1:08 pm
there is so much of ministry that is behind the scenes that we would rather not talk about. thank you for being honest and for writing about the hard things… especially when it would just be easier to tell us a funny story about your college girls’ craziness.
in ministry, i think there are way more days than we’d care to admit (even to ourselves) how easy it would be to quit. to just pack up and leave. to do some job that we can leave at the office at the end of the day, where a paycheck is guaranteed. but when God places a call on your life, he doesn’t promise sunshine and roses… he promises to be with you. to give you all you need. to never leave. and honestly, some days that doesn’t feel like enough. but today my prayer for you is that you’ll think of the sweet faces of your girls (of all ages!) and remember that He loves them more than you do. that no matter what happens, He will be taking care of them and drawing them to Himself. (and He’s doing that for you, too– even if it’s through the pain.)
Comment from debbie d.
Time: February 18, 2009, 1:11 pm
thanks for sharing, I’ll be praying chicky
Comment from Faith
Time: February 18, 2009, 1:52 pm
Definitely praying friend!
Comment from Becca @ the Stanley Clan
Time: February 18, 2009, 2:07 pm
Oh girl. I am just so sad and so sorry – My husband and I are supposed to be living on full-time support starting next year – and I’m not going to lie, I’m scared~ but i know that God has some good stuff planned for us and what we’re doing is totally worth it. Seeing what you’re doing and the lives you’re touching makes me feel like God must have some big plans for you too . . . I will be praying and know that He will provide and that He is carrying you in His loving arms. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do or can be specifically praying for!
Comment from Kelley
Time: February 18, 2009, 3:44 pm
Oh, AB…I’ll say a prayer for sure! Every little bit helps, right? 
Comment from Amber
Time: February 18, 2009, 5:14 pm
Hi Amy Beth. I know first hand that there is no security in ministry, fabulous as it is. A paycheck is here today, gone tomorrow. I get it… we’re desperately trying to sell the house in our former place of ministry and we’re right on the verge of foreclosure. I understand more than you know.
But I want to commit to pray for you and Starlite. And I would like for you to email me with the appropriate address where you can receive financial support.
Comment from Tiffany
Time: February 18, 2009, 5:57 pm
Amy Beth, I know it’s probably not of much comfort right now, but God definitely touched me through this post tonight. I’m currently spending my semester in Cambridge, and I received some life-changing, horrible news from home tonight. It’s impossible for me to get back, so I was in despair, until I read your post tonight. I think I needed the reminder that we all go through difficult times, but we’re definitely not alone. Thanks for letting God use you tonight.
Comment from Krista
Time: February 18, 2009, 7:13 pm
It’s true in the hard times that we learn more about God. Not that I wish that on anyone, but I do hope that you will see Him so clearly through all of this!
I wish we could help you out too (besides prayer of course). I am thankful that we haven’t had to stop supporting our missionary friends that we already support.
Comment from Kelley
Time: February 18, 2009, 7:18 pm
My husband use to say that he loved his job so much he would pay THEM to allow him to work there. Happily, he never had to do that and they pay HIM! But it seems that you are now in a place that you just may have to do that. I have no words – just prayers prayed for by the Holy Spirit. He is moving you to a different place. A place that you don’t like. But, be asured, it’s a place that’s He’s already been to and has prepared a place just for you – And the best part? He’s there with you now and has promised to never leave you alone.
Sending much Sonshining your way,
K
Comment from Jenna
Time: February 18, 2009, 7:53 pm
Praying for you my friend. So much.
Comment from Theresa
Time: February 18, 2009, 8:24 pm
Girl I hear ya loud and clear!! Life has been rough the past 5 months , but God has supplied what we have needed to survive, such as Giving us $2000 for daughters school bill, exact amount needed for her to stay. Just today a gift certificate to Save alot for groceries.
Not sure what is going to happen as we have been put into foreclosure, but God does know and will supply all our needs. Its hard when your going through it but I think will make us all stronger in the end. We needed this little shakeup to see that we need to rely fully on Him and Him only.
So you my dear are in my prayers!!
Comment from Lindsey
Time: February 18, 2009, 10:41 pm
Lifting you up in prayer to Our Heavenly Father right now. HE IS YOUR JEHOVAH-JIREH…HE WILL PROVIDE!
Praying that as you begin this new journey that you will be surrounded by people who provde support, comfort and love.
Your faith will be strengthed through this time. I pray that others will see what The Lord is doing in and through you and will come to a more full knowledge of all HE really is.
Blessings and prayers!
Comment from Lauren
Time: February 18, 2009, 10:52 pm
As always, you have my prayers.
Also, one of my favourite chapters in the Bible is 2 Samuel 22. It’s a little long, but well worth the read!
And of course I love Jeremiah 29:11 – which is a common verse but SO TRUE!
Comment from rachel
Time: February 18, 2009, 11:27 pm
Hi Amy Beth -
I’ve been a lurker on your site for several months now. I’ve really enjoyed reading your thoughts on the ministry, but haven’t commented (or if I have, it hasn’t been anything memorable!). Anyways, after I read your post today, I really felt led to comment. So, here are my thoughts.
I have been a missionary in Montana for the past 2 1/2 years. It has been incredibly hard at times, but God has taught me so very much about trust. My support level has never been steady or very much. Yet, month after month after month God has provided my needs (and even a lot of wants!). Just when I think I can’t trust anymore, He gives me that extra ounce to carry on. Like you, I know exactly what my finances are at all times (as the secretary, bookwork is one of my jobs) and it’s scary. But just when I think that this is the month that He is going to fail or let me down or not care, He proves me absolutely wrong.
I know that during a time like this, all the Christianese can be a little overwhelming and you start to think “well, yeah, but seriously? what about real life?” All I can say is that God does care about our real life and he cares about the big things and the little things. You will hear this over and over and over and over again, so let me be one of those people who say it : Trust Him cause He is trustworthy!
Keep on keeping on.
Rachel
Comment from Julia
Time: February 19, 2009, 12:17 am
Definitely praying AB. I love you! You are such an inspiration to me. love, Julia
Comment from Kelly @ Love Well
Time: February 19, 2009, 12:46 am
You know I’m praying.
P.S. I saw Shamu today. It was like having a personalized “Pray for Amy Beth” reminder. I’m going to send you pictures.
Comment from anna cordes
Time: February 19, 2009, 8:31 am
i stumbled across your blog a week or so ago. needless to say the timing was perfect. praying for you dear!
Comment from Sarah@ Life in the Parsonage
Time: February 19, 2009, 9:56 am
Oh Amy Beth, I love the last line.
Hang on girl, He’s got something up his sleeve.
Comment from Melissa
Time: February 19, 2009, 4:32 pm
Hey AB! Praying for you, and the whole team and entire host of girls the ministry touches. I think that there could be some creative fund raising opportunities in the near future. Maybe the majority of your resources will come from large events rather than monthly contributions. Starlite has enormous impact on many lives and I cannot fathom that it would be time for that to come to an end. You have a team of bright and resourceful volunteers with a passion for the ministry. You have hundreds of girls who want to continue to meet (some with families who have seen a difference made in their children’s lives). Allow them to take ownership of this thing. Let them be a valuable part of the solution. Put your heads together and continue to run the race set before you. I know you can do this.
Comment from Bethany@MyLifeinBlackandWhite
Time: February 19, 2009, 5:38 pm
Amy Beth, I hate you’re going through this hard time, but I’m happy for you at the same time. You’ll look back on this day one day maybe not too long from now and think, “Wow, look what God has done since then.”
I might not know exactly how you feel, but I do know the uncertainty of careers in ministry, the biting questions about the future and “How in the world will we make it?”
My husband and I are entering an uncertain time right now, and it’s like God is using it to remind us that we must totally depend on Him, not just for our physical needs but for His power in our ministry, too. I hope He uses this time in your life to give you wisdom like you’ve never had before and to use you in even more amazing ways.
Comment from Ronette
Time: February 20, 2009, 5:42 pm
Hi there,
I recently started following this blog. I think that what you all are doing is WONDERFUL! I will definitely be praying for you. Is there a way for you to receive donations? I looked through your website and I can’t seem to find anything mentioned about personal donations. Please let me know!
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Comment from Samuel
Time: February 18, 2009, 9:41 am
I think you will cope with all the upcoming changes in your life and everything will be fine!