Sadly, I don’t exactly qualify to be Shamu’s trainer.
I’ve been trying to think of a good place to begin when it comes to writing about Starlite ending. I’ve finally given up and decided to just answer some of the questions that people have been asking lately. At some point I’ll talk more about some of them, but at least this gives us a good starting point.
1. Why?
Lots of reasons, but no one factor. It’s hard to explain this to anyone who isn’t “inside” the ministry, but I’ll give it another try. As cliché as this will sound, we truly believe that we’ve completed what God has asked us to do in this season of ministry. I think one of the most dangerous things we could do would be to continue trying to do something without God’s blessing or protection on the continuation of it.
Once the decision had been made (months ago), things naturally began to happen even before we were able to tell people about the decision: the building we used as an office was put up for sale by the owner; over 70% of our crucial monthly donations ceased due to economic strains for those businesses, churches and individuals; etc. I want to stress that all of those things (including the point in time when we realized that I was going to potentially lose my salary for the rest of this fiscal year) happened AFTER we had made the internal decision. While looking at our projected donations was a factor in the decision, contrary to the rumors going around we didn’t decide to quit because we were “out of money” or something like that. We look at the various things that happened after the decision was made as almost “confirmation” that we’re doing the right thing at this point in time.
I think people are looking for the “scoop” on what’s really happened (i.e. starting a vicious rumor that I’m pregnant out of wedlock and therefore closing Starlite down) but, honestly, there’s no “behind-the-scenes” drama. Really.
2. Will you stay on until July?
Yes, I’ll remain in my position until Starlite ends. I’ll thankfully be able to stay with pay, which is an answered prayer from a couple of months ago. Remember that, when I wrote that post, I already knew that Starlite would be ending in July. I resolved in my heart that I would stay and finish out what God had called me to — pay or no pay — even though several people around me urged me to go ahead and leave. I feel like it was a big test of obedience for me but, as soon as I made it clear I wasn’t leaving, God provided the rest of the funds for my salary.
3. What will you do after you leave Starlite?
I have no clue. I’ve been quietly looking at different options for a few months now but I don’t feel like I know exactly what I’m supposed to do yet. Back in January I “informed” God that I would like to make a decision about where I’d be living by the end of March so I could begin finding a job (or even vice versa — the job first then giving me the city). It’s nearing the end of April and I still have no idea.
Thus, perhaps we can assume that “informing” God of our plans doesn’t always work.
SHOCKING, I KNOW.
I have no idea what “career” path I should go to next. I think I’d like to stay in ministry, but I’d like to work in a position with more clearly defined times of “rest” than what I’ve experienced with Starlite. I would really love to work for an established ministry, especially in an administrative role. My masters degree is in Youth and Family Ministry so it covers a really broad spectrum — children, teenagers, college-aged individuals, singles (wait, shouldn’t I have a Ph.D. in that by now?), families, etc. I’d love it if my new role kept me helping girls and women of any age, but we’ll just wait and see.
I think the hardest thing for me right now is not really having a place to go or a person to go to. Maybe that explains a little more of why you’ve seen me dealing with my feelings about being single and on my own over the last few months. It’s a classic reminder to read between the lines because we really never know what private battles people are facing behind their blogs.
4. How are people taking the news?
This is a hard one for me to answer. Generally, people have been supportive. But there are always those few people who just want to make life hard. This week has been particularly ugly; I actually turned my cell phone off at one point (because someone had posted my number publicly and I was getting ridiculous calls) and left it that way for awhile. And, um, I honestly can’t remember the last time I’ve actually turned my cell phone off so that was quite a bold step for me.
I’m a southern girl and, by nature, want to explain every little detail of every little situation out for every single person in my life. That’s really not appropriate in this situation, however, so it’s been hard for me to bite my tongue when people have judged our decision in a negative light, especially because I’m getting judged most of the time as well. Almost every night this week I’ve had a good, long cry in the privacy of my bedroom and told God that I just don’t want to do this and so forth. I’m really sensitive to criticism; if you knew my full story, you’d understand why. I’m getting much better about dealing with it but I’m not where I need to be quite yet.
By far, the most difficult part is hearing people saying that we’re just giving up, taking the “easy” way out. Trust me, there is NOTHING easy about this. It would have been far easier to have just kept on going, kept on doing what we’ve been doing, kept on with the familiar.
But every morning I’ve woken up knowing that this is just part of it, part of what makes the term “ministry so fabulous” rather tongue-in-cheek. And so, every morning this week I’ve gotten up out of bed, pulled out my favorite pink velcro rollers and determined that no matter what’s coming my way that day, I’m going to fight like a girl.
With the best possible hair given the circumstances, of course.
Posted: April 24th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 21
Comments
Comment from Jenn C
Time: April 24, 2009, 9:03 am
AB, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with people who feel more inclined to give you a guilt trip and a hard time, than pray for you. Staying beyond God’s grace and provision is detrimental in more ways than I can express, and knowing that GOD calls us through different seasons in our lives is a sign of maturity.
I am definitely praying for you, and while I selfishly pray for you to stay in the area (Sweetie, I’ve SEEN the impact you’ve made), I also know that whatever God has for you will be WAY better than any of us could hope for. I’m thanful we get to stand on Eph 3:20′s promises for that!!!
Comment from Amber
Time: April 24, 2009, 9:32 am
We have a Christian school at the church where my husband is pastor. I literally just looked out the window as I was reading your words and saw our seniors (all 6 of them) lining up for school pictures outside. There is such a need for REAL, DEDICATED teachers in Christian schools. We had 4 teens in our school come to know Jesus yesterday during a special service, and I’m praying this is the beginning of their transition from “religion” to a true “relationship” with Christ. Have you ever considered a ministry in a Christian school? It seems like the last place people would go to “minister”… but as a christian school graduate, I promise it is HIGHLY needed. Just food for thought. 
Praying for God to reveal HIS plan for you and your life.
Comment from erin
Time: April 24, 2009, 10:13 am
Hi AB- i’ve read your blog for a while now. love it all. i know you are prayerfully seeking the Lord’s will…. i wanted to let you know of a job opportunity here in Nashville. We are looking for a pastor’s assistant (that i believe would also be the women’s ministry assistant). maybe that’s something you’re interested in, maybe not. just thought i’d throw it out there for you.
here’s the church website if you wanna poke around. http://www.westendcc.org
Comment from Julie
Time: April 24, 2009, 10:21 am
You go girl! Like I said before- I can’t wait to see where the Lord leads you next. And when you get down about how certain people criticize you remember Noah-I am sure he felt the same way when he was building the boat!
Keep smiling!
Comment from christina
Time: April 24, 2009, 10:31 am
Sweet Amy,
I like what you said – “we truly believe that we’ve completed what God has asked us to do in this season of ministry. I think one of the most dangerous things we could do would be to continue trying to do something without God’s blessing or protection on the continuation of it.” Recognizing that must be difficult especially while thinking “It’s a ministry! Why would God want to discontinue this work?” but it means that He’s got some amazing stuff up His sleeve for everyone at Starlite and the fact that y’all are being obedient even though it’s painful…kind of a double-edged-bonus-sword.
Y’all have done wonderful things for women already and I look forward to reading about all the new (mis)adventures and beautiful things God is leading you to.
Comment from Rachel
Time: April 24, 2009, 11:32 am
Hi AB, don’t let the naysayers get you down! (SO much easier said than done, right?) I for one am so excited to see what God is going to use you for next. I’ve enjoyed reading about your journey with Starlite (even though I haven’t been reading very long) and I know your next endeavor is going to be just as exciting! You and your staff will be in our prayers.
Comment from amykay
Time: April 24, 2009, 12:47 pm
i was just thinking about this last night… how every time it seems like doors are slamming closed and God is saying ‘no’ and there seems to be no direction as to where to go… at least in my life, it always leads to something much more amazing, and bigger, than i could have ever planned for myself. i think sometimes God has to close us out of all the options we’d settle for so that we can see the BIG things he has waiting for us. my prayer for you is that you would continue to seek where He wants you, and that you would only be ENcouraged by the confusion of right now… because when it all becomes clear, and you get to see what He’s been working on all along– i think you’ll get your socks knocked off!
Comment from amy a
Time: April 24, 2009, 1:28 pm
just wanted you to know that i am praying for you. as a fellow girl in ministry, i truly understand how hard it can be sometimes…especially when you are following the Lord and the masses don’t quite understand. i do know this, the Lord will reward your obedience and your faithfulness. praying for you, sweet sister!
Comment from Chere
Time: April 24, 2009, 1:35 pm
I’m so sorry that people have been so negative, especially doing things to intentionally make your life difficult (giving out your cell#, starting rumors)…all because you’re being obedient and they don’t understand or it doesn’t fit with their vision of how things should be. A previous commenter said something about Noah, and I think that’s an apt analogy. Whatever the swirling world around you thinks, if you know that you are being obedient to God’s calling, their judgment needs to just fall to the wayside. That said, knowing you’re doing what you’re supposed to do doesn’t always take away the sting from criticism.
Praying for you as you transition from your time with Starlite to something new. I’ve only been reading your blog a little while, but as a sister in Christ I feel for you. Keep letting us know how we can be praying. It’s not the same as having someone to go to in person (I know what that feels like), but we care about you! 
Comment from Christine
Time: April 24, 2009, 2:49 pm
I’m praying for you girl! I have no doubt that this whole situation has been bathed in prayer and tears for many months and just from what you’ve been able to share it certainly appears to this outsiders eye’s that you have been sensitive to God’s leading and to His call on your life. His timing is perfect and I have no doubt that He will carry you right into the next season of your life and your ministry exactly when and where He needs you.
And as Chere said, it’s not the same as having an actual someone to go to, but we do care and are more than pleased to carry you to our Heavenly Father!
Many blessings and continued prayers on you sweet girl!
Comment from Amanda
Time: April 24, 2009, 2:53 pm
Since we’ve been married, I’d say Curt and I have been in 4 different seasons of ministry. It was never easy leaving one and going to the another even though we’ve felt we were doing the right thing. It’s hard. I know God has something wonderful in store for you. He doesn’t waste willing hearts and hands. Also, I’m sorry you’re being criticized. My mom shared this quote with me once: “To inoculate me from the praise of man, He baptized me in the criticism of man, until I died to the control of man.” -Francis Frangipane. Is that good or what?
Comment from Becca
Time: April 24, 2009, 3:06 pm
Oh girl I will be praying!! What a hard but exciting time because who knows where God will lead you!?
Comment from Leslie
Time: April 24, 2009, 3:33 pm
I’m so sorry that you’re getting negative feedback from people. I know that it can feel just terrible, even if you know that it’s the right thing. I had some of that when I decided to stop teaching a singles Sunday School class a few months before I got married. I tried to make it work in my head to continue teaching, but when it came right down to it I couldn’t focus on the next season of my life and ministering to my husband if most of my free time was wrapped up in ministering to other people. I felt disapproval from people at the time, like I was choosing marriage over serving God. Never mind that I was 33 and had served faithfully for several years! But a lot of things since then have shown me that it was the right decision. I’m not gonna lie to you, there have been moments when I’ve wondered if I did the right thing or if I would ever get to serve in ministry again without feeling like I was in the way, but I also know that if I’d continued doing something I wasn’t supposed to do it would have all gone wrong.
I hope you get a job lead soon! I’m sure you’ll be an incredible asset wherever you land.
Comment from Amy
Time: April 24, 2009, 4:15 pm
I just wanted to let you know that I am still praying fervently for God to answer the prayer in your heart, and I fully believe He will.
Comment from Lydia
Time: April 24, 2009, 8:11 pm
Hey Amy Beth. I’ve been reading the past few months but not able to comment a lot. Know I’m praying for you during this transition.
Comment from Kelley
Time: April 26, 2009, 6:04 am
My friend Barb was a nanny when I met her – then her the family she worked for moved, she decided not to move with them. She got another job but it didn’t come with free housing. So, she was “homeless” – But not really. Many in our Southern CA church were “snow-birds” so she would house sit for weeks – months sometimes. The thing was she never really knew where she would like next until the very last minute. God always provided her a place – but never early. If you have a job till July, God may not give you another one till this one is over.
Waiting is hard. But God is faithful. And dispite how we feel – He’s never late on fulfilling our needs.
I’m praying for you – sorry people were rude and hurtful. Maybe one day they will truly learn that we can’t judge someone until we “walk a mile in their (pink ones of course!) shoes”.
Comment from Flowerpot
Time: April 26, 2009, 9:12 am
Amy Beth, I didn’t comment on your original post because I simply didn’t have the words. Sorry about that. I wish I would have atleast told you I am praying for you.
Being misunderstood is one of the crummiest feelings. I am very sad to hear the rumors about you. Reminds me of Matt 5:11-14
11″Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. 13″You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. 14″You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. 15Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”
Obedience to God generally brings conflicts in almost every area in life. God’s ways are not our ways and when He leads us in new areas, it looks … new. Shocking. When you think of it, it’s normal to expect others to misunderstand because they are not part of your conversation with God. They are trying to evesdrop on a conversation they cannot hear and then when they gossip about their surmized facts, the facts are distorted. It still feels rotten to be on your end of the stick. I’m sorry.
I agree with Kelly. God is not early or late, He’s right on time. In July, you still may not be sure where you should go or what you should do, but that’s where faith comes in. I’ll keep praying for you. Thanks for blogging. You bring so much sunshine to my day.
Comment from Ashley
Time: April 26, 2009, 11:43 pm
I have been reading your blog for awhile now, but I have never commented. This post touched my heart… I had to encourage you and tell you how much I respect and admire your true desire to follow Jesus! Stay strong, sweet girl.
I have been struggling lately with pleasing God first and the people surrounding me second, and the storm you are currently walking through is strengthening me… and I don’t even know you! If you can do it, I can do it. The Lord is using you to impact people in ways you don’t even know!
You posted the verse my heart has been clinging to lately on your blog earlier, and now I am going to post it back to you — Galatians 1:10.
“Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.”
(NEW LIVING TRANSLATION)
God has used Starlite not only to impact the people around you, but to prepare YOU for what’s to come in YOUR life. His PERFECT PLAN
Comment from Leslie
Time: April 27, 2009, 8:59 am
Sweetie! I haven’t checked the blog in a while and had some catching up to do! I’ll certainly be praying for you in this season. And renew my offer to adopt you and Cousin Cate if you need to run off to the farm for a little transitional mama love! I’m sure your next phase of the journey will be far beyond all we can ask or imagine!
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Time: August 3, 2009, 9:29 am
[...] some of you may have remembered, this past Friday marked our last “official” day of Starlite (though we’re still waiting on the completion of a final financial audit, some emails to be [...]
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Comment from Wendi
Time: April 24, 2009, 9:02 am
Amy Beth,
I am praying for you. I certainly sense your openness to God’s leading in this situation. I’m so sorry for the critisicm you have faced. Good job fighting like a girl! You are inspirational.
I am so encouraged to read of your willingness to do as God asks, and can see that is exaclty what this situation comes down to.
Praying for his leading to be made clear.