“God is there with me.  And He doesn’t say He’s tired tonight, He doesn’t turn over and go to sleep.  I can keep talking all night long.” – Joan Hunter, Healing the Hurt

For five months now, I’ve put my key in the post office box, turned it to the left and silently hoped for a particular letter to be waiting inside.

It arrived today.  And I cried before I could even get the envelope open.

– — –

{ “We live by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7 }

1. How late did you stay up last night?

12:45-ish

2. Do you prefer someone taller or shorter than you?

Doesn’t matter to me. Really! I honestly have NO preferences when it comes to physical appearances in somebody I’m dating. Well, other than the fact that I hope he doesn’t wear v-neck shirts. I’m sorry, but I believe men in v-neck shirts is just wrong.

3. Are you okay with making a total fool of yourself?

Um, hello? Did you read my blog on Thursday? And, um, Friday, too?

4. Have you ever been played?

Yes. It was a good humbling experience because I truly thought it would be impossible for someone to play me. I just really thought it would be impossible for someone to get away with it, but I was wrong. Poor Katie tried to tell me that I was going to get played and, by goodness, I just would not listen to the girl. Lesson learned — the hard way.

5. Do you enjoy being single?

Yes and I’m throwing clothes around my bedroom right now just to prove it!

6. Name one thing you did yesterday.

Took my journal to my favorite downtown café and wrote for awhile. The man who owns the place talked to me for a bit and told me that, since I write so much, he got a little journal for me that he keeps meaning to bring in. Isn’t that the sweetest thing you’ve ever heard?

7. Who were you with the last time you went to the movies?

Cate and Leslie Ruth! We went see Slumdog Millionaire and Cate made fun of me because I shut my eyes and covered my ears during the bad parts with the children (trying to be vague so I don’t give away the storyline). I can’t help it — I cannot (and I mean CANNOT) — bear to see a child abused.

8. Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

Sometimes, but more typically it’s one from Cate that says “Call me when you’re up, I need to tell you what happened last night!”

9. What were you doing Friday night?

Dinner with Cate, grocery shopping, writing and waiting.

10. Do you like being home alone or does it freak you out?

It’s not my favorite thing in the world, but I can handle it.

11. What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today?

So far? Well, the puppies get really, really excited when I wake up in the morning. Like, they run in circles beside my bed and wag their little tails. Make fun of me if you want, but it’s awfully nice to have something (even if it is just a couple of puppies) be happy that you’re awake for the day.

12. Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?

Cry over the truth. Sign of maturity?

13. If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move?

Why, England, of course.

14. How much do looks matter to you in a guy?

Very, very little. Just remember: no v-neck shirts. Please.

15. Have you ever told anyone you were okay when you really weren’t?

Yes, of course. Not a good practice to have, now is it?

16. Would you go out in public looking like you do right now?

Yes. I’m okay going out without make-up on or my hair really fixed. Is that bad?

17. What’s the first thing you did when you woke up?

Thought about something I’m waiting on.

18. Have your friends ever randomly stopped by your house?

My college girls have sometimes, especially if they’re at the park near my house.

19. Who is the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Cate’s friend Alex came to dinner with us last night and he and I had a really deep conversation, even though it was the first time we’ve ever met.

20. If you could have something back right now, what would it be?

Parts of childhood I didn’t get to have.

21. Is this the best year of your life?

Very possibly. I’ll let you know as we get closer to the end of the year.

22. If your friends warn you about someone, do you listen?

See number four. I choose to listen much better now. Cate and I have this thing where, sometimes when we’re talking about really important things, we’ll say to the other “Tell me what I need to hear even though it isn’t what I want you to tell me.”

23. Are you keeping a big secret right now?

YES, SEVERAL, AND I AM HORRIBLE AT IT. Seriously — I am awful at it.

24. Has anyone ever sang to you?

No. I think I would faint if a guy did. Oh my word. I’m getting nervous just thinking about it.

25. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

Doubtful. Very, very doubtful.

26. Have you ever fallen asleep while texting someone?

Many, many times.

27. Do you like the rain?

YES! I like to walk in it, jump in it, etc. And yes, I’m one of those girls who wants to be kissed in the rain. Trite, maybe. But I don’t mind being trite if it means I get to be kissed in the rain.

28. Say your last ex runs up to you and hugs you, what do you do?

I am laughing so hard right now just trying to imagine this scenario actually happening.

29. Did you ever tell your parents you were going somewhere but went somewhere else instead?

Yes, to my mom.

30. Do people underestimate you?

Some do. I’d rather be underestimated than overestimated.

Silly me! In all my haste to tell you about the trip to the alterations place, I forgot to tell you what we actually ended up doing with the dress. It turns out that my Friendly Alterations Specialist felt confident she could split a seam on the back of the dress, add a little extra fabric and thus enable me to wear the dress without needing to bind over 1/2 of my body with Ace bandages.

When I relayed this excellent news to my grandmother over the phone, she sighed deeply and then said sage words of advice that I shall ever hold dear: “Remember that just because she does alterations doesn’t mean she’s a miracle worker, Amy Beth.”

Oh, but the dress currently hanging my closet begs to differ, grandma.

Just kidding. I don’t call any of my grandparents “grandma” or “grandpa.” I call them all by their first names. No, for real. That’s what I was raised to do. No, FOR REAL. Every last one of ‘em by their first name.

I’m extremely happy to tell you that there is a bridesmaid dress currently hanging about 6 feet from me that not only fits but actually allows me to breathe! Whilst fully expanding my lungs! AND I CAN EVEN TAKE STEPS WITHOUT INSTINCTIVELY LISTENING FOR THE SOUND OF FABRIC RIPPING!!!

It’s the small things in life, really.

In other news, I feel the need to tell you that I was a Sandi Patty fan from the age of ten on up. I had one of her tapes (wait, does that make me old?) that I used to play over and over again as I pretended to be a bride on her wedding day. And no, I’m not kidding. That’s what I used to pretend: walking down the aisle at my wedding. Over and over again. From age ten until twenty fou………. you know, just for awhile.

Okay, in the interest of full disclosure, I will admit that, on occasion, I still walk around my bedroom pretending like it’s my wedding aisle. And sometimes I tie my bed sheet around me like a wedding dress and admire it’s long train as I walk from my bathroom to my bed, which is a grand total of about 18 steps.

But don’t act like y’all don’t still do that too. Right? Wait, right?

In other, other news, I considered grounding myself from blogging today simply because, if I were a teenager living at home, I would totally be grounded over the current state of my bedroom (and my living room, and my kitchen, and…). Grounding myself from one of my favorite activities seemed like a very grown-up thing to do, but in the end I realized I’m not that self-disciplined.

I did call Christan, one of my married best friends, last night and admitted that my bedroom could be declared a disaster area. I told her that I was laying in bed the night before, looking around my bedroom, when I caught sight of some clothes hanging off the side of my jewelry case and realized that if being single means you can just toss your shirt wherever you want at night, BRING ON THE SINGLE LIFE!

She, of course, solemnly replied “That’s not good. That’s not good at all. You need to work on this.” But I was all “Um, my blog readers said that I’ll get better at it once I’m married!” and she was all “I hope so.” and then I wanted to go stand on the edge of a mountain somewhere and yell “I LOVE BEING SINGLE!!!” whilst tossing articles of clothing whichever way I choose!!!

So, let me give you a little re-cap: in one single post I’ve admitted that I still play Sandi Patty songs whilst walking around my bedroom pretending like I’m walking down my wedding aisle whilst wearing my bed sheet tied around me AND that I had the urge to yell “I LOVE BEING SINGLE!!!” yesterday. It’s like you never know what you’re going to get with me when I wake up in the morning: do I want to be with someone today? Or do I want to be single? Should I whip out my Sandi Patty cassette tape collection or just start throwing laundry across the bedroom?!? OH THE DECISIONS I FACE UPON WAKING UP EACH MORNING.

All I know is that I sure hope I wake up in the right mindset on my wedding day.

And that it’s a good thing I’m not getting married today.

Early this morning I found out that one of my college girls had been taken to a local hospital for surgery.  By the time I was able to get to the hospital, she had been brought back to the room and was fast asleep.  She has no family nearby, but her boyfriend had been there all morning.  He decided to take a little break while I could be there to stay with her.

The doctor wanted her to try to eat a cracker so I broke little pieces off slowly, feeding them to her one at a time as she giggled at my telling her I felt like a mama bird feeding my baby bird.

– — –

It was my first time being back in that particular hospital since everything last fall.

It was also the first time I let myself admit I miss that baby without getting angry at myself.

– — –

I am hoping, with everything inside me, that today was a sign of healing.

With Katie’s wedding so soon, I knew I had to make a decision on what to do with The Little Black Bridesmaid Dress hanging in my closet. If you’ll remember, I made it a goal to lose enough weight to fit in the dress. While I have made (some) progress in losing weight, it hasn’t been enough to fit into a juniors dress.

That’s right. The dress is from the juniors line of clothing.

Looking back, it was a bit of a ridiculous goal so, to be honest, I’m not too upset about not meeting it. I was able to get it to fit in some areas, but there were a couple of other areas where it just wasn’t working. I’m trying to think of how to mention what those areas were without offending anyone, especially since I (GASP!) wrote about a lingerie shower just a couple of days ago. Let’s just say that, even after using a couple of Ace bandages to try to bind up a certain area of female anatomy, it still wasn’t exactly being supported by the dress in the way it would need to be in order for me to be willing to walk down an aisle in front of a couple hundred people.

And now we pause to bid a fond farewell to the readers who just left le bloggy because, whilst they managed to make it through the lingerie shower post, they just can’t accept the Ace bandage-usage story.

Anyway, the dress and I showed up at a local alterations place a few weeks ago to see if there was any way to somehow make the dress work with my body, a feat that I deemed about as likely as trying to put Shamu in a tutu for a ballet recital. The sweet lady who runs the shop, however, assured me that we could make it work and asked me to slip the dress on.

Forgive her, Father, for she knew not what she asked.

I would give anything to have a picture of the look on her face when I came out of the dressing room but, since I wasn’t exactly able to wield the camera as my hands were too busy trying to jerk adjust the dress, her words will have to suffice: “Well………. are you sure there wasn’t a bigger dress at the store?”

No, ma’am, there wasn’t a bigger size at any of the 13 Dillard’s department stores I checked in nearby states nor was there one available for purchase on eBay nor did the Easter Bunny leave a plus-size version of the dress in my Easter basket as I humbly requested when I sat upon his knee at the mall last month.

You know it’s serious when you’d rather have a bridesmaid dress than a chocolate bunny, ya’ll.

She asked me to climb onto the pedestal where they do all the measuring and, with great reluctance, I followed her instructions. Her phone rang suddenly and, after telling me that it was a call from another country that she couldn’t ignore, she began a conversation in Russian that lasted for the next 17 minutes.

Whilst I stood on the pedestal in a dress that might have fit me 14 years ago. Key word: might.

Also: I feel like you might think I’m exaggerating about the phone call lasting 17 minutes but I am here to tell you that I was VERY AWARE OF EACH PASSING MINUTE TICKING BY ON THE CLOCK ABOVE THE PEDESTAL AS I WATCHED IT WITH DAGGERS FORMING IN MY EYES.

But, really, I was totally chill as I waited. Like, totally.

As I stood there (trying to hold things both together and in, I might add), the sweet melodic sounds of Sandi Patty’s classic song We Shall Behold Him began playing over the loudspeakers right as the woman finished up her long-distance phone call. Around this time, an elderly woman entered the store and took a seat in the chair directly behind the pedestal, patiently waiting her turn at modeling whichever polyester pantsuit she needed taken in at the hemline.

I, meanwhile, noticed that the seamstress was messing around with the skirt part of my dress and, in one of those moments where you see the train coming at you but can’t stop it in time, realized that the seamstress was getting ready to lift up the skirt of the dress, totally unaware that someone had entered the shop whilst she was on her phone call AND DID I MENTION THAT SHE WAS SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND ME AT A LOWERED ANGLE?

All I have to say is that sweet older woman sure did behold something that morning, but I don’t think it was what our friend Sandi Patty had in mind.

Earlier today, the science building at my alma mater was demolished while a crowd watched from a nearby parking lot.  I happened to drive by when it began and saw that the crowd was pretty large; a lot of people had interest in seeing the first iron ball hit the side of the building.

About five hours later, I came back by the building and saw that the demolition was still happening, one painstaking blow at a time.  The crowd was gone by then, except for one man sitting in a chair he had placed on the lawn outside the building.  I was parked close enough to recognize him as a professor who has taught thousands of classes in that building during the years he has worked as a science professor at the university.  He sat there, alone, just watching the building come down one brick at a time, never taking his eyes off the crumbling structure in front of him.  He didn’t have to stay all day to watch it, but he wanted to; maybe he felt like he should be there until the very end.

I haven’t blogged much about my feelings as Starlite’s final days get closer and closer, mainly because it’s kind of hard to describe what it feels like to someone who hasn’t been in it for the last seven years.  But as I stood watching that man today, I instantly felt like he would understand what this season feels like.  In my own little way, I’ve got a chair pulled up as I’m watching each little part of it end.  No one has forced me to stay until the end, but there’s no way I wouldn’t.  I was there when it was being built and I’ll be there as it comes down, no matter how difficult it is to watch.

That professor wasn’t watching the building come down today because he had some kind of attachment to the glass panes that made the windows or the concrete pillars that supported the roof.

He was watching because those were the hallways he walked through, the classrooms in which he taught, the office in which he invested a good portion of his life.

He was there because he wanted someone to recognize that it wasn’t just a pile of rubble.

I’ve got a bunch of things that I’ve been meaning to answer from your comments and emails, so let’s throw them all into one lovely list-filled post!

1. I’ve been getting a lot of questions lately about where I buy the personalized gifts (like stationary, bags, clothing, etc.) that I like to give as gifts. I’m actually writing a guest post for a very well-known blog about this topic right now; I’ll make sure to link to the post when it goes up.

2. I haven’t decided on if (or where) I’m moving yet nor about a job. It’s stressing me out, even though I know I need to be patient and trust God. But it’s still stressing me out. Like, majorly stressing me out.

3. The bridesmaid dress that is to be worn in about 2.5 weeks — update on that coming your way tomorrow. Let’s just say that the local alterations lady and I have become fast friends.

4. Several people have asked about the American Girl package I found for MacKenzie and I. It’s truly an incredible deal, so I’m very happy to share it with you! We stayed at the Alpharetta, GA Marriott which features the “American Girl Store Weekend Package in Atlanta” (use the link above and scroll down a bit until you see it!). They offer two versions of the package; I chose the lower one which was $109.00 / night. That price included our hotel room, our breakfast the next day, the doll bed, pillow and blanket, etc. plus a couple of other amenities that were a “surprise” with the package. I felt like the price was a GREAT deal for everything that came along with the package, especially the fact that it includes taking the doll bed home with you!

5. I am wearing my favorite pair of wellies today. No one really asked about that; just wanted to tell you.

6. I really got behind on my blog email during that week where I worked upwards of 70 hours. I kept saving your comments thinking “Oh man. I need to thank her for saying that!” So, if you left a sweet comment on a post (or, rather, posts) and didn’t get a response from me, please forgive me. I really do try to answer as many as I can, promise!

7. Cate and I are going on an “adventure” later this summer that you will not believe. I mean, when I tell you where we’re going (much less how long we’ll be gone) you will seriously not believe it. Like, every person we’ve told so far just stares at us and then says “Yeah, right.” I mean, if you said to yourself “Where is the last place on Earth Amy Beth and Cate would end up together for an extended period of time?” you still wouldn’t guess. You’re gonna flip out when we tell you about it.

I think that’s it. Did I miss anything?

God and I had a bit of a tough afternoon together, and I’m ashamed to tell you it was most definitely my fault.  By early evening, I was determined to end the day on a better note, so I spent my entire evening — from 6 p.m. until now, a little after midnight, with Him.

– — –

I read about Him in the bookstore across town.  I sang about Him at a worship service for 20somethings.  I laid in bed thinking about Him.  I lit a candle, took a shower, listened to a song about how He loves me.

– — –

Being single can be really hard.  Sometimes I wish you could read my diary so you’d understand.

But being single also means there were no children to tuck back into bed tonight, no husband to hurry home to, no demands whatsoever on my personal time.

I didn’t have any of them to spend my time on tonight.

So I lavished it on Him instead.

– — –

There’s a balance between wishing for something more and not ignoring what’s already here.

And He’s patient enough to teach me what that balance looks likes, one night at a time.

This past weekend was the final celebration before Katie’s wedding, which is in a little less than three weeks. Since most of us were driving in from other states to be there, we decided to pack the lingerie shower and bachelorette party into one 24 hour span.

I packed the car on Saturday morning and, before long, I was on my way to GA! Katie’s gifts are the three packages in black and white paper and I’ll give you one guess at which set of triplets who turned five years old this past weekend were receiving the gifts beside hers.

Guess who came to the shower as well? You’d recognize that girl anywhere, wouldn’t you?

I’ve made it a tradition to show you what the gifts I give look like and, even though this was a lingerie shower, I can still show you part of the gifts. First up was a make-up bag with her new name on it. There was a little something special tucked inside it, but I can’t exactly show you that gift with boys reading along.

The bigger box contained a “towel-robe” with Katie’s new initials embroidered on it. She’s wanted one of these for as long as I can remember and, when I saw this one in pink and white, I knew it was the perfect time to get it for her.

If you look back at the picture of my packed car, you’ll notice that there were three boxes for her and I’m only showing you the gifts from two of them. This would be because I can’t actually post pictures of the contents of the middle box, but let’s just say I made sure to include a little something “fun” with all the other embroidered gifts. I mean, after all, it was a lingerie shower.

Oh, and Katie loved the towel-robe thingy!

I have to tell you that my favorite part of the shower was sitting next to Cate as the gifts were being opened. Cate’s gift for Katie was a bit more… exciting than the rest of the gifts Katie was receiving. As Katie opened package after package of “pretty” attire for her honeymoon, I couldn’t help but laugh knowing what was waiting for her in Cate’s package at the bottom of the pile. I’ll skip giving you a description of Cate’s gift and just let the look on her face right before Katie opened the gift explain it all:

Also: I have actual video footage of Katie opening Cate’s gift and the dead silence in the room when she pulled the, um, outfit out of the box, but it is unsuitable for le bloggy. Imagine complete silence for a good ten seconds followed by the loudest laughter you have ever heard whilst Katie turns as red as a tomato.

After the shower ended, around ten of us headed to Turner Field to meet up with 10 of the guys (who were off doing their own thing during the shower) for a Braves game. As you can see, we were already making Katie wear her “bachelorette” sash whilst Cate was representing for the Braves.

Groom-to-be Eric was there, of course. Believe it or not, he reads the blog each and every single day. Hi, Eric! Feel free to send me a thank you note after you see what was in that black box of mine at Katie’s shower. And, feel free to send Cate a trizillion thank you notes after you see what was in her box for Katie.

I took some random pictures of the bridal party whilst the game was between innings. Check out Rachel, another bridesmaid (and Eric’s sister) whom you’ve met before at one of Katie’s previous showers. Isn’t she just the most photogenic girl ever?

Jason, one of the groomsmen, was one of the 20 of us there, too. He gets a picture on the blog simply because of that awesome shirt he’s wearing. Way to sport the bold colors, J.

Cate and I were keeping things under control, of course. Here we are getting ready to take a normal, cute picture together when she said something that made me laugh right before the flash went off. This picture pretty much sums up our entire relationship.

After the game ended, we all headed to Atlantic Station so the bachelor and bachelorette parties could commence. I actually don’t have any photos from the bachelorette party, but we had a very good time at a gorgeous downtown restaurant. It was very, very late (or, actually, early the next day) when we got back to Katie’s house. Cate and I were roomies in one of the guest bedrooms and, even though it was way after 2 a.m. by the time we crawled into bed, we laid awake talking until we fell asleep in the middle of a conversation about nuclear warheads.

Just kidding. We were talking about boys. Obvs.

The next day I headed back towards Atlanta to have lunch with an aunt I haven’t seen in 16 years and then met up with Those Triplets Whom I Adore at a Georgia science museum where they were having a little Sunday afternoon fun.

Believe it or not (and I think you’ll easily believe it), this is the only picture I have of them that doesn’t look like three blurs running around a children’s science museum. We had the best time and I was so excited to get to see them, especially since they had just had a birthday. When it was time to leave, we pulled the gifts out of the back of my car and had some fun opening packages filled with puzzles and bubbles and coloring books before it was time for me to head home.

Of course, it didn’t really hold a candle to watching Katie’s face when she opened Cate’s gift at the lingerie shower but it was a pretty close second.