What it feels like.
I rarely remember the dreams I have when I wake up in the morning, but last night was different for some reason; I woke up in the dead of the night thinking about what I had just seen and heard in my dream.
In the dream, I was face-to-face with my ex-ex-boyfriend (you know, not the last one but the one before that). We hadn’t spoken to each other in a long time and I began crying, telling him how much I had missed talking to him and how sorry I was that we weren’t able to stay friends after we broke up. He gave some reply that seemed bitter and I got up to leave, angrily telling him that I could see it was obvious he didn’t feel the same way, that he didn’t care what had happened to me in the time since we had stopped talking to each other.
He grabbed my shoulders, pointed to a pier in the distance and said “Do you remember that pier? That’s the pier you jumped off to rescue that baby!” I knew (as you just “know” in a dream) that I had been on the pier before, seen a baby falling into the water and jumped in to rescue it. I was surprised that he had known about it and told him so. He took a step closer to me, looked me in the eyes and said “After I heard what you did, I came to this pier and jumped off it myself.”
I was stunned and confused but before I could ask him why, he replied –
“I did it because I wanted to experience everything you experienced that day. I wanted to know what it felt like to jump into the freezing ocean. I wanted to know what it felt like to try to swim to the surface, your clothes and shoes weighing you down. But most of all I wanted to know what it felt like when you broke into the water, the sand scraping against your face while you plunged into complete darkness because I didn’t want you to experience it alone.”
I woke up right after this part, just sitting in my bed in the dead of night thinking about this dream. And I couldn’t help but think about how it sounds just like what He might say to us when we ask Him why He came here for us.
– — –
When you watched your father drive away from your spot on the swing set.
When you listened to your mother say what a mistake it was to marry and wondered if that means you were a mistake, too.
When you sat beside your grandmother as she died from cancer.
When you miscarried your first baby.
When you miscarried your third baby.
When you tasted heartbreak for the first time, the one that left you sobbing on your bathroom floor, certain you’d never love again.
When you thought about the sibling you haven’t seen in years.
When you heard your husband say there’s someone else.
When you saw your wife walk into the restaurant with another man.
When you pulled the bottle from the fridge, desperate to escape for just that night.
– — –
Maybe He jumped off the pier of heaven just so He could know what it feels like to break into the water, to feel the sand scraping against His face while He plunged into pain and hurt and heartbreak and everything else that screams humanity.
I’m not sure why He jumped.
But I think it might be because He didn’t want you and I to experience this alone.
Posted: June 8th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 20
Comments
Comment from Judy S. @ Just Enough Light
Time: June 8, 2009, 9:40 pm
Isn’t that just mind blowing? That He didn’t want us to experience all this alone? Sends me to my knees.
Comment from christina
Time: June 8, 2009, 9:51 pm
whoa. mind blowing, AB. Thank you.
Comment from Christy
Time: June 8, 2009, 9:57 pm
He didn’t want us to experience this alone.
Thank You Jesus.
And thank you AB for the reminder…I am not alone.
Comment from kaitlyn
Time: June 8, 2009, 10:37 pm
I’m going to post a link to this post on Wed and title it “Why I have faith.”
Thank you, God, for having Amy Beth show us this.
Comment from Kaitlyn
Time: June 8, 2009, 10:47 pm
Thank you so much for this! I just learned of a health issue, and was wondering why would God allow this? Thank you for the reminder, I’m not alone!!
Comment from Krissie
Time: June 8, 2009, 10:47 pm
That was an amazing post. Thanks for sharing!
Comment from trs
Time: June 8, 2009, 11:31 pm
You are amazing.
If you ever EVER doubt whether you should be in ministry… look at this post again. If after that you still wonder… contact me and I’ll explain it to you.
You are so blessed! And you are a blessing to all of us!
Comment from Becky Jo
Time: June 8, 2009, 11:31 pm
You rock my stinkin face off … all the while touching the tenderest spots of my heart and laying them bare for God to come in and begin to heal.
That, my friend, is some kinda somethin you got here!
Comment from Prairie Rose
Time: June 8, 2009, 11:35 pm
This is beautiful. If anyone ever says God no longer speaks through dreams…. they’re wrong. 
Comment from taryn in ny
Time: June 9, 2009, 12:00 am
i’m speechless.
XOXOXOXO
Comment from Rebekah
Time: June 9, 2009, 8:01 am
this is so beautiful Amy Beth.
Comment from Sheyna
Time: June 9, 2009, 8:49 am
Oh Amy Beth, this speaks volumes! I have read your blog for awhile and never posted a comment. But today, I just had to tell you that I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability so much. This was a beautiful post and it makes me think of how much He does understand how we feel and what we’re going through. Praying for you!
Comment from Kate
Time: June 9, 2009, 9:14 am
WOW. So powerful. I hope you are keeping up with all of these amazing posts. They would make one amazing book.
Comment from Leslie Lauren
Time: June 9, 2009, 9:57 am
It’s crazy that this just happened to you, because I’ve been trying to pick apart my dream from last night all morning!! Mine involved an ex-boyfriend, but as weird as it gets, I introduced him to my hubby!! There’s a lot of it I don’t remember, but the bits and pieces that I do were very action-packed, and it all just doesn’t seem to make sense. I’d wondered if maybe it was the ugly one trying to put him in my head (you know, the one with the pitchfork), but I never really pondered the alternative that there might be something GOOD that could come from it (like your correlating it to how God jumps for us).
Very interesting….thank you for the perspective!
Comment from Brandy T.
Time: June 9, 2009, 10:23 am
Wow, AB. This post cut me to the core. I linked you on my blog today. Love you!
Comment from Brittany
Time: June 9, 2009, 11:37 am
Love this my dear, thank you so much for sharing!
Comment from Rachel
Time: June 9, 2009, 5:09 pm
This was amazing. Thank you!
Comment from hannah
Time: June 9, 2009, 9:31 pm
hey there — lurker here,
i had a strange dream about an ex last night and have been feeling anxious all day… it hurts to think about that past relationship… and to worry about present and future (maybe?) relationships. thanks for this post. i had a good cry and my anxiety kind of melted away.
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Comment from Chere
Time: June 8, 2009, 9:35 pm
Wow…that’s something to think on…thanks AB, as usual.