I wrote this post the week that we went public with the announcement that Starlite was ending, but I couldn’t bring myself to press “publish” for some reason. People were being harshly critical and I just didn’t feel like putting more of my heart out there knowing that it might not be respected. And so, it’s been sitting in my drafts folder ever since.

I happened to see it last night and, as I was reading through it, I realized that it’s a very good indication of one of the many things that are changing in my life. I haven’t written much about Starlite ending because I think I’m just trying to focus on everything that has to be done in the process, not really the emotions that come with it. That isn’t totally healthy though, so I’m going try to pay attention to them… starting with this post from almost two months ago.

Earlier today, my cell phone died. The store tech told me it couldn’t be fixed and that I should use a loaner, old-fashioned phone for the next three months until my contract allows me to get a new phone at a reasonable price. I agreed and mentioned that, at some point, I needed to change my monthly plan anyway so I might as well do it while I was there.

It’s just one task out of a long list of things that I have to take care of as Starlite ends.

– — –

I’ve had to have the unlimited plan for quite awhile now –

unlimited texts because that’s how my college girls communicated.

unlimited data because I had to have access to my Starlite email wherever I was.

and unlimited minutes because I always, always, always had to be reachable.

– — –

We took the data plan off first, an easy decision since my loaner phone doesn’t even support the feature anyway. With one click of her mouse, the ability for my email to be delivered to me anywhere was gone.

Next came the text message part of the plan. While I’ll stay in contact with my girls, we all know it won’t nearly be to the degree it has been. So I decreased the amount, trying to guess how many texts I’ll receive each day.

And then there was the question that took me off guard –

“Will you still be needing unlimited minutes?”

I was frozen, thinking about the thing the last boy I dated used to say when we’d hang up after another marathon phone call –

“Girl, I’m going to make it my goal to use up all your unlimited minutes.”

– — –

I stood there, trying to add up how many minutes of calls I’ll need in an average day now, trying somehow to figure out what my new reality will need. I can’t compare it to anything else because Starlite has been my reality for the last seven years.

More emails, texts, calls than I could ever want or need has been my reality.

The unlimited plan has been my reality.

But now, in this new future, I have no reason to need unlimited anything.

– — –

I think, for the most part, I’ve held up pretty well over the last week, at least given the circumstances. I haven’t told you the details of the week, mainly because I was too busy just trying to emotionally make it through the week. The past week has been about helping other people make it through it, too. We had ten programs worth of girls to break the news to in one week. Scores of volunteers to officially tell the news to, even though word had leaked out. General public, including the literal hundreds of volunteers from the last seven years.

And tonight I just lost it.

Seven years of my life. When you’re only 24, that’s an awfully big portion of your life, you know.

It takes me awhile to process through major life changes, especially when I don’t know where to start.

But maybe this is just where you start. Maybe right now, this very second. Maybe this is just where you start, one step forward, one step into the store to change your cell phone plan.

Maybe this is how my new life begins.