Scars.
I’m writing this from the very back of the bus as we begin making our way back to our flats. We’ve just spent a good portion of our day in Garbage City, a sentence that I can’t even begin to explain. In fact, I’m tempted to just close my laptop screen and give up on even trying to explain this day to you because I already know that none of my words or pictures will be good enough.
But I’m going to give it a try.
I almost didn’t come today. About a day and a half ago I was bitten by something (a spider, we think) and I haven’t felt that great ever since (we have a doctor who has put me on oral antibiotics as well as some topical medicine, so I‘m hoping it will get better soon). I considered staying back but, at the last minute, decided to go with the students because I knew that what they’d be seeing today would be things we’d be discussing in our classes (in case you’re coming in late, I’m helping teach an Ethics course while on this trip).
Our bus couldn’t get up the road to the orphanage so we got off about half a mile away and began walking. This area is called Garbage City because it’s exactly that — an area completely full of garbage. One of our guides at the orphanage told me that some of the children we would be seeing were literally plucked from the piles of garbage. I thought that was an exaggeration. I mean, really, how could a child be left in a pile of garbage?
I was wrong.
Within about 45 seconds of being off the bus, Cate and I were both about to vomit simply from the smell. There were dead rats everywhere, children covered in waste. It was the true definition of a living nightmare.
When we finally got to the orphanage, they took us immediately to the babies. We walked into a room that is smaller than my bedroom back home where we found 27 babies laying on blankets on the floor. We had been told that touching the children was a decision that would be left up to each of us and I’m ashamed to tell you that, when I saw their conditions, I backed up against the wall almost as if I was trying to escape from what I was seeing. The last thing I wanted to do was pick up one of those babies.
After a few minutes of explaining how the babies are cared for, the tour continued and everyone headed to see another area of the facility that cares for the elderly.
Except for me.
I stayed because, as I was about to walk out of the room with the babies, one began reaching for me. She knew I saw her; I knew she knew I saw her. It’s one thing not to hold babies when they’re on the other side of the room from you.
It’s another thing when they’re reaching for your arms as you walk past them.
And so I picked up that baby and then another one and then one after that. I realized that I had something to give that the orphanage workers didn’t — time to hold babies. They were too busy doing everything else that comes along with babies — washing bottles, folding clean laundry, etc. I tried to help them with those tasks, but they motioned for me to go back to the babies, to spend what little time I had there holding them to my chest like a mother would. I was surrounded by women who don’t speak a word of English, so I tried to explain in broken Arab*c that I wasn’t sure what to do with a roomful of babies only to be met with blank stares.
And so I held and held and held, rocked and rocked and rocked. I held one baby at a time, then two in my arms with another trying to crawl up my leg. I used my shoulder and neck to hold bottles in their mouths and used my hips to bounce them until they giggled. I even changed diapers with only one hand, something I had previously thought was impossible.
You see, it turns out that we women are built with something inside of us that just seems to know what to do when crying babies lay at our feet. We instinctively know to reach down and pick them up. We just do not leave a baby laying on the ground, especially one without a mother.
Before long it was time to lay them down for a nap. I carried baby after baby to waiting cribs, finally ending with one whose deformities caused her legs to lay at angles that our bodies weren’t made to support. After settling her in for the nap, I went and found a translator and brought her and an orphanage worker back to the nursery with me.
“What’s wrong with her legs?” I asked as the translator quickly explained my question to the worker.
The orphanage worker explained through the translator that her legs had been like that since birth, a deformity that she was born with though no one knows a medical name for it. The worker went on to explain that they hoped to one day have her legs operated on so that she’d eventually be able to walk.
Being the Type A personality that I am, I questioned how soon they operation could happen, what they needed to make it happen. That’s what I do, you know. That’s what you do, too. We like to make things happen now.
They explained that they’re waiting because the child is expected to spend her entire life in the orphanage. I didn’t understand the reply at first and, to be honest, was a little upset. I mean, let’s get started on it now; let’s give her the best opportunity at a normal life as possible. The workers could see that I didn’t understand what they were trying to tell me, so they explained a little further. It only took a few more sentences from them for me to understand what they were trying to tell me.
They’re waiting because her “entire life” that she’ll spend at this orphanage isn’t expected to last very long.
They left me standing there by myself, maybe because they knew I wanted to be alone, maybe just because there were more bottles to be prepared. The baby woke up and began crying and I did too. Before long I was on my knees beside her crib, sobbing alone in a room full of babies in cribs. Some students from our group saw me through a window and came to where I was, trying to get me to leave but I pushed them away. I needed to be left on my knees, sobbing beside that crib.
I needed to think about how, when I had walked through the piles of garbage on my way to the orphanage, I had wanted to get back on my air conditioned tour bus.
I needed to regret the fact that I hadn’t wanted to pick up those babies because I didn’t want their dirt on my clean clothes, their sticky fingers in my hair.
And I needed to mourn the fact that the baby laying in the crib in front of me wouldn’t have the same outcome as a very similar baby who laid in a different crib 24 years ago with her own leg defects. You see, I had a vested interest in this particular baby because 24 years ago I was born with something wrong with both of my legs that required long operations and even longer time spent in casts in order to give me the ability to walk like a normal child. To this day I still have visible scars that run along the back of my ankles, something I was embarrassed about as a child because of how the other children would tease me about them. I hated those scars, the permanence of them.
And yet I would have done anything today to be able to give those scars to the baby laying in the crib in front of me.
EDITED TO ADD: I have seen the first few replies and I’m already on it. I don’t know what to do for them just yet, but I will figure it out. I leave for six days of travel in about 45 minutes, so you’ll only see guest posts for the next few days unless I’m able to find internet (very unlikely). I’ll miss you, but I’ll be back to check in within a week or so!
Posted: July 14th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 43
Comments
Comment from Rebecca
Time: July 14, 2009, 10:05 am
I am just in tears with you as if I’m standing next to that crib…
my heart is aching for these babies..
is adoption an option for these babies… can we as Americans have a chance to adopt any of them? Oh my word.. .my heart is aching…
You were the face & hands of Christ to these little ones! While they will be too small to remember you – their souls were fed for the time you gave them..
Comment from bessie.viola
Time: July 14, 2009, 10:06 am
Oh, I am crying now. Those poor babies. What a blessing it must have been for them, simply to be held.
Comment from Samantha
Time: July 14, 2009, 10:07 am
Thank you.
Comment from Emily
Time: July 14, 2009, 10:13 am
Oh girl… your words, they break my heart. Is there a way for us to help them?
Comment from Christan
Time: July 14, 2009, 10:13 am
Amy Beth,
I am in tears as I read this. wow. I don’t know if I could have handled that. I’m on the other side of the world reading this and I’m a hot mess. I love you.
Comment from Heather Faulkner
Time: July 14, 2009, 11:00 am
Amy Beth, you have truly touched my heart with this post. I am sitting here, at work, in tears. I can not describe how much reading this means to me. I, myself, feel the call to one day be a servant in a county such as this and minister to others, especially the orphaned. Thank you, thank you, thank you! We don’t know how blessed we are and how much we have to give until we have a moment like this in our lives. Stay strong, Amy Beth.
Comment from Brandy T.
Time: July 14, 2009, 11:11 am
Amy Beth, thank you so much… not only for holding those little ones… but for sharing your experience with the rest of us.
While you are there, can you find out about adoption laws? Is it possible for Americans to adopt their orphans? How would one go about doing that?
The Lord has been stirring thing in my heart regarding global poverty, and your post has sent me over the edge.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for sharing with us. You are one amazing lady.
Comment from Jennifer
Time: July 14, 2009, 11:39 am
Wow Amy Beth. This is amazing and heartbreaking. It is so hard to see such poverty and feel so helpless. Thankfully we have a miracle-working God who cares for those children, despite their location. I love you and I love your amazing heart my dear friend.
Comment from kaitlyn
Time: July 14, 2009, 11:43 am
Desire to adopt multiplied by 100. Can’t stop crying. Prayers are with you (and the babies) AB.
Comment from Rachel
Time: July 14, 2009, 11:58 am
*crying*
Comment from Stacy
Time: July 14, 2009, 11:58 am
Thank you for sharing this with us. Many prayers go out right now for this special little one and others just like her.
Comment from Jennifer
Time: July 14, 2009, 12:43 pm
I was in Eg*pt in 2000 and went to Garbage City. The poverty there was just unimaginable, but you’ve really captured it with your words. Thank you for sharing with all of your readers the sad, sad truth that people literally live in filth in other parts of the world and need help. My heart is just broken for those babies who need to be held. Let us know about adoption possibilities, ways we can help…
Comment from hadsell
Time: July 14, 2009, 12:53 pm
stunned. no words. only emotion.
without question best post I have ever read.
thank you for sharing this, for bringing my problems into perspective, for showing your heart and our Abba’s.
love love love to you.
Pingback from No Words (link) « my personal reformation
Time: July 14, 2009, 12:56 pm
[...] July 14, 2009 · Leave a Comment stop what you’re doing and read this post. [...]
Comment from Ronnica
Time: July 14, 2009, 12:56 pm
I don’t know what to say, but to say shame on me for thinking my problems are so big.
Comment from taryn in ny
Time: July 14, 2009, 1:03 pm
Amy Beth-
My heart is literally broken and breaking for those babies. These situations are truly what the world needs to hear about. THIS is the news we should be aware of- not who gets custody of Michael Jackson’s children… you know
???!!!
Where can one send a donation, clothes, toys, etc.. As a mommy to a baby myself… I can’t ever imagine my baby laying in a pile of waste, garbage, never being held.
I look forward to hearing your follow up to this post and seeing some ways we can help.
Lots of love for you Amy Beth— lots of love— XOXOXOXOXO
Comment from Eric Brown
Time: July 14, 2009, 2:21 pm
Well, that was awesome.
Saying that’s going to be a good book illustration is an understatement.
Comment from Sarah@ Life in the Parsonage
Time: July 14, 2009, 2:51 pm
Oh Amy Beth…this is beautiful and gut-wrenching. A huge dose of perspective for me today.
You did the right thing…praying God strengthens us to do the right thing…
Comment from Honour Annekins Harris
Time: July 14, 2009, 2:58 pm
Wow. I am so glad you went on this trip. I think this is why.
Comment from Beth
Time: July 14, 2009, 3:23 pm
my heart is saddened by the memory of walking those very streets, but it is in those streets where God met us, gripped our hearts, and transformed us in unimaginable ways.
your life will never be the same, amy beth, and i am thankful to our Father above you were given this opportunity.
Comment from Mary-Carolyn
Time: July 14, 2009, 4:09 pm
AB — I think you gave each of us a taste of how heartbreaking these situations are. I will never forget learning that one of the children I helped care for in Africa was found DOWN a toliet. A pit toliet. Or hearing that a hospital refused for several days to treat one of our babies who was HIV+ because “there was nothing they could do.”
Hearing more stories like those precious children’s breaks my heart.
Comment from Cyndi
Time: July 14, 2009, 4:17 pm
As the mother of two children who spent their babyhoods in orphanages, thank you for the love and hugs you gave those little ones, no matter how brief they had to be. And as someone else who born with leg deformities and carrying the lifelong scars of transforming surgeries, my heart breaks right alongside yours.
Comment from Kelly @ Love Well
Time: July 14, 2009, 4:41 pm
Speechless.
Comment from Chere
Time: July 14, 2009, 4:46 pm
Amy Beth, there really aren’t words to describe this post and how it made me feel. All I can echo is what one of the earlier commenters said, maybe this is why you went! Praise Jesus that you couldn’t resist that little baby holding its arms out to you. Touch is so important for infants to thrive…
I pray that God will use this story you’ve shared to inspire all of us to do more, pray more, love more.
Thank you!
Comment from Knittinchick
Time: July 14, 2009, 6:41 pm
This was just what I needed to be reminded of after a frustrating day at work. THESE are the things that the Father’s heart breaks over… and I need to keep this in mind when I get caught up in people’s drama at work!
Comment from Christy
Time: July 14, 2009, 6:53 pm
Thank you for sharing this…thank you for shaking my world up. For reminding me of the least of these. Praying right now for those sweet babies. And for you.
Comment from Tammie
Time: July 14, 2009, 7:36 pm
You couldn’t leave that baby with scars on her ankles as you wished, but you left her with the touch of nail-scared hands. Thank you for being Jesus to those little ones. God bless.
Comment from jmom@lotsofscotts
Time: July 14, 2009, 8:25 pm
Beautiful post friend. Thank you for using the gift of your words to pierce hearts.
Comment from 2nd Cup Linda
Time: July 14, 2009, 8:26 pm
Hard to read, I’m sure much harder to witness, yet unimaginable to live.
Comment from Mindi
Time: July 14, 2009, 8:40 pm
Amy Beth, I’m crying, as many others have when reading this post. Thank you for writing it.
Comment from Diane
Time: July 14, 2009, 9:30 pm
I was just online looking at cheap trips to an all-inclusive resort in Cancun.
Wow.
Now I am with you crying and holding babies and precious orphans.
Something is twisted about that. I’m afraid it might be my heart.
Comment from Katie
Time: July 14, 2009, 9:55 pm
Just wanted you to know I’m here, reading your stories. They are incredible. I love you
Comment from Lizy
Time: July 14, 2009, 11:06 pm
I remember garbage city… at first I wanted more than anything to just get out of there… and then when I saw the faces of the children I never wanted to leave them… I love you Amybeth. I am praying for you.
Comment from trs
Time: July 15, 2009, 12:12 am
How I want to be there holding and loving on those babies with you.
Ever since I learned of the plight of orphaned babies in Romania… I yearn to do what you did today.
I secretly pray that the man I might marry one day will have a heart to spend a week of our honeymoon in Romania tending babies in an orphanage.
Comment from Dawn @ Wherever He Leads
Time: July 15, 2009, 9:59 am
Thank you for sharing this experience with us. I can barely type through the tears. It is so heartbreaking to think of children living in filth. Thank you for taking the time to hold and love on those children. Thank you for allowing God to work through you. I can only imagine the heartache of actually being there.
The only thing I can cling to in a situation like this is Psalm 139. God knows every single one of those babies by name. He knows everything about them. He knows what their needs are and how to meet them. He knew that they needed you there that day to love on them. I don’t understand it all, but I know that He does. There is nothing that is beyond His reach. There no one who is beyond His reach.
Comment from Larissa
Time: July 15, 2009, 12:29 pm
I’m proud of you. You didn’t pass up a moment God thrust at you to show some love to those who really, really needed it. Well done.
Comment from cara maggie
Time: July 15, 2009, 7:59 pm
I am so, so proud of you.
Pingback from Ministry So Fabulous! » I’d write more, but I better get back to the ship before Cate starts looking for crocodiles again.
Time: July 17, 2009, 10:21 am
[...] into our beds and slept for three hours without even moving before waking up to talk about what we had seen at the orphanage and how our hearts are responding. I’ve got more to say about that part of the trip, but I [...]
Comment from Abby
Time: July 17, 2009, 4:46 pm
AB,
I am a little late joining the party, but it is these emotions that make a great mom. Let us know if we can raise money to help or see about adoption.
A
Comment from Dana
Time: July 18, 2009, 11:57 pm
I followed a link and found your blog tonight. I love when the Lord does that!
I had a very bad day today. I have never been so thrilled to put my 2 youngest children to bed tonight. They reeked havoc on my house today & I was so angry with them.
Just after checking on them to make sure they were sleeping, I came & sat down & this post was up on my screen. I read & cried, read & cried. I have heard of Garbage City by a friend whose husband was stationed in the area for a while(military) & she was able to work with the orphanages. But your words struck me so deeply tonight because my children are healthy, so healthy that they can dump my make up out & paint their wall with it. I have been so blessed with 10 children of my own in which God has provided a home, clothes, food & loving parents everyday. Thank you for finding the words to explain your very difficult day, they made me hug my kids a little extra hard tonight. Blessings!
Pingback from Friday Flair 07.24.09 « Anointed With Grace
Time: July 24, 2009, 10:50 pm
[...] a kleenex for this one. I love THIS POST by Amy [...]
Pingback from Love Your Neighbor « The Gypsy Road
Time: July 30, 2009, 2:51 pm
[...] Scars, from the very fabulous Amy Beth, who has just returned from Egypt [...]
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Comment from stephanie
Time: July 14, 2009, 9:57 am
Wow! This post was beautiful in such a sad way. The tears are still on my cheeks. Your words will stay in my heart and thoughts. They will remind me of how blessed and really spoiled that I am. They will make me pray for those babies and others that live a life that I can’t even fathom. And they will make me hug on my baby a little more today.