On becoming an adult.
When I left math class on Monday afternoon, I called one of my roommates, Christan, from my freshman year of college to chat as I walked back across campus to my office. I told her about a conversation I had earlier that day with a new freshman who was feeling a bit nervous about the life she was suddenly living and had asked me about my own freshman year. Thinking back over those memories had made me miss Christan, and I decided to call and tell her so.
As I walked across campus with a cell phone connecting us over hundreds of miles, we took turns going over different memories from our eight year friendship: sharing a bathroom that was way too small for four girls; sneaking out the window to sit on the dorm roof after curfew had been checked; my walking down the aisle at her wedding; her standing beside me on stage at the first Starlite sleepover; the day I held her baby daughter and then day I held her baby son, too. It was an unusually deep conversation to have at 1:15 p.m. on a Monday afternoon, but that’s just the thing about our friendship: it’s deep.
Deep calls out to deep, and it recognizes its own voice when it hears it.
It’s 3:17 a.m. right now and I’m sitting on a pile of blankets on a hospital floor somewhere in Augusta, GA. Christan called me about nine hours ago, frantic. Her mother had been rushed to a hospital and she wanted me to pray. I talked to her for a minute, told her I would pray right then and she promised me she’d call me back. I headed home and began packing a bag, knowing that if she needed me, I wanted to be ready to go. I could pray, yes, but I could pray just as well while driving towards her.
An hour and three phone calls later, she was on her way to an airport in Memphis while I started driving towards an airport in Atlanta. I convinced the airline representative to give me a gate pass so I could meet her flight and, as I walked up to the gate, she walked off the plane. We didn’t say anything, instead just standing there holding each other while everyone else walked off. We were holding each other for a lot of reasons, but I think the main one was because we both somehow knew that we were about to take a step into adulthood that we don’t quite feel prepared for yet: the parenting of our parents.
I drove as fast as legally possible towards the hospital while she told me about how she fell on the floor at her office when she got the call. We talked about what the doctors had said so far, what questions needed to be asked when we arrived. And finally, some three hours after we left the airport, we pulled up to the hospital and rushed inside.
They gave us masks and gloves and I think it was right then that I became a little more of an adult. It isn’t my mother, of course, but I was still there with Christan, still pulling a blue mask over my face. I was still hearing the machines beep and seeing the IV lines. I was still hearing that she had coded, still feeling the anxiousness of waiting for the doctor to say something, anything.
If you could see us here tonight, two girls barely in their mid-twenties sitting in a hospital room in the dead of night, you’d think we were back in elementary school playing some silly game of doctor or hospital. There’s a part of me that wants to run to the nurses’ station down the hall and confess that we’re not old enough for this, that we need a parental guardian here with us, that they shouldn’t leave us alone in that room filled with the quiet hum of medical machines we can’t even identify.
But instead I walked the halls a few minutes ago, quietly praying scripture that I didn’t even realize I had memorized until it came out one verse after another, spilling over each other before I could finish the one before it. Promise after promise, prayer after prayer, hallway after hallway.
I think it might be called growing up.
Posted: August 26th, 2009 under Uncategorized.
Comments: 18
Comments
Comment from trixiefan
Time: August 26, 2009, 10:08 am
Praying for you and your friend and her family. This gave me chillbumps. You are indeed growing up.
Comment from Tammie
Time: August 26, 2009, 10:31 am
I wonder if anyone really feels all grown up. It is almost like play acting when these situations happen. 2+ decades past my mid-20′s, it’s not a lot different. Will pray for your friend w/understanding having set my own hospital vigil about a year ago. Thankfully, my mother recovered. Your statement re: deep calling to deep gave me new understanding of the phrase. God bless.
Comment from Becky Jo
Time: August 26, 2009, 10:51 am
You never FEEL all grown up. Even when you are in your 30′s and it is your best friend in the hospital bed … even when that friend passes away in your arms … even then, you still feel like you are too young for this.
Because, truly, you are.
We are never prepared for this, because we were not MEANT for this.
I love you and I am here,
XOXOXOXXO
FMIL
Comment from Kelly @ Love Well
Time: August 26, 2009, 10:51 am
Oh AB. My heart is in my throat.
Lord Jesus, be near. Pour your grace like a flood on their tender hearts. Grant maturity and wisdom along with a child-like faith. You are IT, Jesus. Be huge today in the lives of these sweet ones.
Comment from Knittinchick
Time: August 26, 2009, 11:12 am
The ironic part is that you probably were just as blessed to support your friend as she was to have you with her. True and loyal friends help carry the difficult burdens of life.
Comment from Jen
Time: August 26, 2009, 12:00 pm
You are such a wonderful example of true friendship. Praying today.
Comment from Ronnica
Time: August 26, 2009, 12:04 pm
Very sobering as well. Thinking about you both during this time. What a blessing that you are there for her!
Comment from Christine
Time: August 26, 2009, 2:34 pm
No words of advice…just prayers for Christian’s mom, for Christian and for you. And an understanding of exactly what you’re saying…growing up is not often all it’s cracked up to be.
Comment from Jenn @ Casa de Castro
Time: August 26, 2009, 2:57 pm
Beautifully written, ABB. Christan is blessed to have you walk this journey with her, and you are blessed to have a “forever friend,” too.
Praying over all of you.
Comment from jmom@lotsofscotts
Time: August 26, 2009, 4:26 pm
So true. What a beautiful post..and an even more beautiful friend!
Comment from Kelli
Time: August 26, 2009, 5:03 pm
Praying for her mama. I was just saying the other day how sometimes I don’t feel like the grown that I am supposed to be. It is so crazy some of the things that we are dealing with now. Where are those late night giggles and my coloring books!!!
Comment from Brandy T.
Time: August 26, 2009, 5:16 pm
I’m so glad you’re there.
Comment from Erika
Time: August 26, 2009, 5:34 pm
What an amazing story. I too have a few friends I know I can call on in times like that, and I am ever so thankful for them. Thanks so much for sharing.
Comment from taryn in ny
Time: August 26, 2009, 5:39 pm
Amy Beth…
At 1 month shy of 32 I don’t even feel grown up enough for these situations… when these things happen… we’re never truly ready.
I am praying for Christian’s mom, for Christian, and for you-
Lots of Love XOXOXO
Comment from Christy
Time: August 26, 2009, 5:42 pm
Praying for your friend and her dear Mom…and for you.
I think there is always a moment that we realize we can no longer deny we are grown-up. We are adults. And it is always during a crisis out of our hands and we realize only One’s Hands are big enough to hold it….our Gods.
((Hugs))
Comment from Natalie
Time: August 26, 2009, 10:58 pm
I’m praying for you all.
Comment from Bethany
Time: August 27, 2009, 3:08 am
I tell the teens I work with not to be in such a rush to grow up… because adulthood isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. This is one of those things that makes being a grown up so very un-fun.
I’m praying for Christan’s mom, and Christan and you. Hard things y’all are facing. I’m sorry.
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Comment from Amber
Time: August 26, 2009, 10:08 am
I’ll be praying too.