When you trust me to fix the bottle for your baby.
I had to go to a two-hour grad school meeting earlier tonight to learn about some new procedures and policies and such. There were a couple hundred of us there, so they broke us into a few smaller groups and sent us to classrooms with pizza and paper plates.
We were given two paper plates; one was for our slice of pizza and the other was for us to draw out what’s “on our plate” right now. It was an icebreaker type of thing, a way to acknowledge how most students in grad school have quite a bit on their plate at the moment.
It was easy for me to divide my plate up: one section for my job, another for the college girls I still mentor. There was a section for friends, a place for school and even a section for the blog (yes, this little blog is most definitely a big responsibility in my life). It was neatly divided up, lines drawn between the labels that make up my life.
The professor leading our discussion group asked us each to stand one at a time to explain what was on our plate. I was in the back of the room, so I just quietly listened as everyone went before me. We had similar things on our plate: classes, jobs, etc. But as they went around the room, I noticed that the first two things that appeared on all of their plates were the same: spouses and families.
I noticed because neither of the two appeared on my plate.
– — –
It matters when I go to spend the night with Daniel and Ashley and they stay up late watching television and laughing, an odd pairing of three when they might rather just be husband and wife without the third party sleeping on the couch that night. They let me see marriage up close, almost as if I’m in a museum where the paintings aren’t behind glass walls, a zoo where you’re allowed to pet the animals. I sit on their couch with butterflies in my stomach because this? This must be what it’s like to have someone in your home with you at night, a second person on the couch beside you.
It means something when I go to visit my friend Christan and she lets me be the one to get up with her baby, something I have begged her to let me do before we fell asleep the night before. She and her husband hear him crying through the monitor but they stay in bed, letting me be the one to know what it feels like to open the nursery door and lift him from the crib. She trusts me to fix the bottle by myself, a gift that means more to this single girl than she will ever know. She trusts me to fix the bottle by myself, I think as I test it against my wrist to make sure the liquid isn’t too hot. She trusts me to fix the bottle.
– — –
This isn’t a sad post; this isn’t a plea for pity. It’s just a reminder to all of you who have that elusive thing called family that you’ve got something that some of us don’t have yet. It isn’t jealousy you see in our eyes.
It’s gratefulness for every single time you let us see your marriage and touch your babies, you’re giving us a gift.
A gift we literally can’t give ourselves.
I’d let you give my baby a bottle! Really!
I feel like we are the same person. Everytime I read your blog, i’m like, “wow, that’s exactly how i feel.” or “oh my gosh, i’ve been through that too.” Coming here shows me i’m not alone and I like that.
Like the comment before mine I too often am amazed at how you put my feelings to print on your blog. Though I will admit, sometimes the look in my eyes is heartbreaking jealousy. Perhaps because I have a number of years on you and still find myself spouseless and childless. Maybe that’s why I feel the pang of jealousy more often.
Though this past May when my nieces and nephews gave me a mother’s day card the tears were most definitely filled with gratitude. That though in many senses of the word I may be ‘alone’ still my life is full of amazing children whose lives I get to be a part of.
None-the-less, that deep longing, the ache for a family ‘of my very own’ never fully quiets. You’re not alone AmyBeth, and thanks for continuing to remind me that neither am I….man that was long, sorry, feeling deep tonight.
Sorry to be repetitive, did this on my phone
This touched me Amy Beth! Coming to Rome anytime soon? Please call me…..if I have Kaylee, I’ll let you change her diaper. Amy is pumping so I’ll have something to feed her at the times I’m not able to take her to work so Amy can nurse her. Nothing like the real thing!
Still looking forward to spending time with you!!!
Wonderful post, AmyBeth. Once again, you put words in my mouth (except that it’s 2 am so my words wouldn’t be nearly as eloquent. I beg my friends with kids to let me babysit, assure them it’s not a bother yet a blessing to be able to care for them!
good post. for me it reinforces the choices I make to put my spouse and boys ahead of everything else…. sometimes it is actually hard, but the right thing, as they are sooo soooo precious to me. gifts from God.
You wanna touch, play, and be with some kids? I’ve got three when do you want me to drop them off at your house?
. All kidding aside. AmyBeth, take this
. Learn, learn, learn so you will get it right the first time – the only time. My marriage is amazing (not to brag, but to let you know it’s possible) and a lot had to do with what we have learned from others: both what to and not to do. You are welcome into my home anytime.
time (even if it’s not where you want to be and you don’t understand) to learn about marriage. It’s hard, it’s frustrating at times, it can drive you crazy good or crazy bad.
Someday, you’re gonna be the one blessing the single lady…for real.
I love this post ’cause I can totally understand your point of view… I felt so loved when my friend trusted me with her tiny-tiny baby; and when that baby fell asleep on my chest, my heart was ready to melt!
I have a husband, but we don’t have kids yet. Recently, we babysat for a couple in our Sunday School class so they could go out, just the two of them, for the first time since their son was born, 11 months earlier. When they got back, they asked if they needed to pay us. PAY US!? I would have paid them for the privilege of being the first people to babysit their son, for getting a taste of what it would be like to have a boster seat at the table, to see my dog follow a crawling baby around, licking its head, to watch Hubby help the baby climb up and down the stairs, time and time again. Truly, I think anytime someone trusts you with their child you feel privileged that they would trust you, and blessed that you get a glimpse into what will, someday, be your life.
AB, I don’t remember you ever discussing your parental figures. Hopefully I’m not out of line by asking you about them.
Thank you again AB for blogging so well the feelings so many of us have.
Yes, yes, yes! I have been thinking this same thing all day (though I don’t have a blog, so the world may never know). It is SUCH a blessing to see good marriages, and parents who love on their sweet children, and to have babies to hold and feed and pretend they’re mine, even for a short while.
A few weeks ago a friend brought her kids over to visit, and as I went to pick the baby up she said, “Oh, you really don’t have to hold her. She’ll be ok in her carseat for a while.” All the while I was saying, “Please? Can I just hold your baby? Can I just come over and hang out with your family?”
Oh, someday when I have children of my own, I might not long to hold my child all the time. And I might not remember what it’s like to be single and live a quiet(er) life without children. But for now, having friends who share their blessings with me… that truly is a gift I love to receive.
You are the best friend.
Great post! I had the chance to play with my acquired niece and nephew this week, and the “moment” that stuck out to me was when I was alone at the table with the 3 year old and he started to do something I’d heard his mom tell him not to do. And I didn’t even hesitate…I didn’t look at her in the other room for permission…I didn’t even say “Your mom said not to do that.” I told him no – made it my rule – and once I did, I had that instant blip in breathing where I thought “oh shoot, I probably shouldn’t have disciplined someone else’s kid.” But when I glanced his mom’s way, she was just doing her thing – and I thought wow…what kind of trust she has in me to really be whatever I need to be in her kids’ lives – even the disciplinarian. I’m with you…so glad to be chosen and included. And very hopeful that if I ever get a turn, I’ll remember this feeling and allow someone else the “up close” view.
I just wanted to agree that you are a blessing. As a mom of 3 little ones who lives away from family and my really, really close at heart friends, I know that it is so special for your friends with families to have you offer to help them. For practical reasons and just to know that you love their little ones as much as you love them.
You know, I needed this.
I always hate to ask my single friends to do stuff with my kids, not that I don’t trust them, not at all, but I don’t want to take advantage of them. I forget they might enjoy it.
I’ve been you! My dear friends let me see what family looked like up close and I am so blessed for it. It seems like a lifetime ago… it is at least five lifetimes ago as now I have five children.
Dear sister, those years of being the third wheel were so blessed although I couldn’t see it at the time. In my single state I got to serve the Lord in ways I could not do now. I pray you continue to thank Him for this season and enjoy the Fall knowing His good and perfect will for you is so much better than the one you have planned in your head!
God bless,
Maryellen
PS hope it’s okay that I checked in here. I popped over from LPM because i liked the name of your blog! God bless from NY.
This is an amazing post, ABB. All the more so because I know exactly what you mean. I love being included in the family lives of those around me.