Obviously, before I write anything else, there’s something from yesterday’s post about the predicament of y’all vs. ya’ll that I need to address:

Somehow, in my hurry to finish blogging before I fell asleep at the keyboard, I neglected to mention a third category of y’all which is actually a personal favorite of mine: ALL Y’ALL.

Now, listen, I know so many of you will be tempted to begin using this term in your conversations today, so I need to be straight up with you: unless you are a darling young southern girl with blonde hair who wears pink and lime green clothes and accessories on a regular basis, you really have no business using this term.

I feel that you’ll think I’m being too harsh with you, but really, I’m only trying to help you.  Don’t you think not being able to use that term myself is difficult?  I am southern as they come, but even I am not southern enough to be awarded the responsibility of employing the use of “all y’all.”  It’s something we can strive towards but, in the meantime, just make certain you’re using the regular y’all / ya’ll in its correct format.  It’s the least we can do, y’all.

Speaking of grammatically correct words, my first day as a student in Advanced Grammar class got off to an early start yesterday when I woke up at 1:32 a.m. to find Avi standing beside my bed.

“Wanna get in bed wif you.”

I was too tired to protest, so I let her get up in bed with me and told her to lay down and go back to sleep only to have her begin attempting to convince me that it was “mworningtime, Amy Beff.”  I explained that it was still the middle of the night which, naturally, prompted her to begin crying and claim (and I quote) — “You is twying to trick me and make me take a weally long nap.”

I somehow convinced her that I was indeed not attempting to trick her into taking a nap and she eventually fell asleep, which is the state she was still in when she began kicking me in the stomach at 5 a.m.  Unfortunately I was already awake at this point because I was sick to my stomach because I’m taking a new medicine that makes me want to throw up at the mere mention of food, much less the consumption of it.

Actually, this brings me to an interesting story involving Gosling and, be honest, how many of you just sighed with relief because FINALLY, GOSLING IS MENTIONED AGAIN ON THE BLOG.  I cannot tell you how many emails I have received over the last month or so that mention something about GOSLING, WHY DO YOU NOT TALK ABOUT GOSLING ANYMORE?  I hadn’t realized that I hadn’t mentioned him in awhile until I started getting emails about it, but you will be happy to know that he’s still around and that we’re, of course, still friends except for the other night when we were almost not friends AND HERE IS THAT STORY:

So, it’s around 8 p.m. a few nights ago and I’ve just fixed dinner for myself because I’ve decided to force myself to eat whether I feel up to it or not.  Gosling calls and says he’s going to come over and, I mention that he can have some chicken nuggets when he arrives and so, naturally, he brings curry-flavored ketchup with him because, really, who doesn’t travel with curry-flavored ketchup?

Gosling proceeds to try to make me try the curry-flavored ketchup and, upon my refusal, continues some more.  I hadn’t told him that I was sick to my stomach because, apparently, this is might be a bit of a long-term effect of this medicine and I wasn’t in the mood to be whiny so I was just all “GOSLING.  NOT TRYING THE CURRY KETCHUP” over and over again.

Seeing that my refusal to try curry-flavored ketchup was sincere, Gosling decides that he’s going to feed some to Cuddles which just lit my fire and when I say that what I mean is IT LIT MY FIIIIIIIIIIIIIRE.  No one, absolutely no one, feeds human food to the puppies and especially not some strange curry-flavored ketchup.

Except for Gosling.  Because he has no respect for my puppy feeding rules.

This results in me getting very agitated and, though I’m not proud of what I’m about to tell you, the following did actually come out of my mouth: “If you do not stop it right now, I swear I am going to punch you in the ovaries and, if you think you don’t have ovaries, that’s just because I haven’t punched you hard enough to find them yet.”

It was, perhaps, not my finest moment but all I’m saying is that?  The next time a boy is annoying you?  You might want to consider throwing down the whole “ovary punching” thing because, if nothing else, it’ll confuse them to the point they’ll forget what they were doing to annoy you in the first place.

In somewhat related news, yesterday Gosling needed to add an elective class to his schedule for the semester so that he’d have enough hours to be full-time.  He looked through the course catalog trying to find any class that wasn’t closed yet but, much to his dismay, most classes are already filled and closed.  After hearing about his predicament, I offered a solution that he accepted if for no other reason than he had very few options left.

Take a wild guess as to who is my newest classmate in Advanced Grammar.