1. I made my hair a little too curly.

I looked like a goose.

– — –

2. I went to a bakery to pick up a big order

for a meeting at work and, when I got there,

realized they weren’t open at 7 a.m.

Went around to the back door (I know the owners)

and, in the process, slipped on wet pavement

and managed to get gravel under two of my ten toes.

– — –

3. Went into minor shock and began sweating profusely.

– — –

4. Began gagging, possibly out of shock,

possibly because I had gravel under my skin.

– — –

5. Made it to work.  Threw up in the bathroom.

– — –

6. Arrived at a formal brunch meeting.

With the gravel still under my skin.

– — –

7. Sat down beside my ex-boyfriend’s best friend.

Made polite small talk about

my ex-boyfriend’s upcoming wedding.

(I am genuinely happy for them,

I’ve been meaning to tell you.)

(But, really, I’m not joking.)

(No, really!  I am! Wait until I tell you about it.)

Continued feeling like I might pass out

because there was gravel under my skin.

– — –

8. Took a shortcut into my office building

and walked in on a meeting of about 150 campers.

– — –

9.  Was asked by the camp speaker what my name was,

in front of the 150 campers.

– — –

10. Replied “My name is Amy Beth.”

Everyone continued staring at me, so I added

“It’s a double name because I’m from the south,

I can’t help it, that’s how we name people down here”

whilst 150 campers began laughing at me.

The gravel was still under my skin, by the way.

– — –

11. Went to the bathroom

and began the process of removing the gravel.

– — –

12. Began sweating (glistening?) profusely,

and became 87% sure I was going to pass out.

– — –

13. Came back to my office and mistakenly called

Justin Bieber “Jonas Bieber.”

Felt dismayed that I couldn’t even get

my future husband’s name right.

– — –

14. Smiled because even my bad days are

very, very good days.