I have a lot to write about,

but I’m kind of uninspired to write

about anything but the girls.

Ryan is still out of town,

which means I am still playing pretend caregiver

to Angelina, Juliana and Olivia.

I say “pretend caregiver” because

I just can’t take myself seriously,

mainly because I have no idea what I’m doing.

I’ve had them for a week now,

but we’re settling into a good routine.

Baths, pajamas, bedtime.

You real mothers would laugh at me

if you could see me trying to figure this out.

I feel like I’m learning something new every day.

– — –

Last night, Juliana kept having nightmares.

This morning, as I saw her

curled up on the edge of my bed,

I was reminded of how little these girls are

and how I need to do more than

bathe and feed and clothe.

I must, must, must love them.

I’ve got to find a way to do the “work”

– the bathing and feeding and clothing –

while pouring out plenty of emotional love.

It is not enough to be bathed and fed and clothed…

it just isn’t.  They need love, emotional love.

And so this morning, before I woke them up,

I asked God to show me how to love them

in the middle of tending to their physical needs.

They are at day care and school now,

but I’ll pick them up in just a few short hours.

There will be more baths and dinner and pajamas…

and prayers and songs and kisses goodnight.

Life is funny sometimes,

when you’ve been wanting something to love

and then it just shows up when you least expect it.

It keeps me busy, that’s for sure.

And it teaches me how to love, definitely.

It reminds me of how much I want to be loved, too.