I just can’t do it.  I want to do it, I want to take advantage of the half tuition discount, I want to earn a teacher license, I want to be a “lifelong learner…”

… but can I tell you what I want more?

I want to have free evenings.  I want to get off work at 5 p.m.  I want to cook dinner at night.  I want to know that two of my nights a week aren’t being spent sitting in a classroom for three hours.  I want to read a book like I used to, just because I like to read.  I want to wash the girls’ clothes and lay out their outfits for the next day.  I want to not collapse in bed when I get home at night.  I want to spend time working on the materials for the class I’m teaching this semester, not the class I’m taking this semester.  I want to take the girls to watch Gosling play soccer in the evenings.  I want to take them to run in piles of leaves.  I want to read blogs.  I want to find a television show I like and actually watch it.  I want to take a long bath before bed.  I want to write in my diary. I want to be available in case by some miracle I’m asked out for coffee again.  I want to sit by the bathtub while the babies play in the water.  I want the master’s degree I already have to be enough for now.  I want to answer the hundreds of emails in my inbox.  I want to spend time on myself, whether it is selfish or not.

It may not be the best decision I’ve ever made, but it is the decision I’m making, right or wrong.  And that is why, as soon as I press publish on this post, I’m going to quietly shut down my laptop, pack up my things and walk out of the classroom.