When you doubt your ministry.
I’m a bit too busy to write long blog posts right now (work, photography business and preparing documents for the London embassy), but I read something a couple of days ago that really resonated with me, so I thought I’d post a link here for it for those of you who might have had similar experiences in loving and giving to children who come and go out of your life.
Over the last few months of saying goodbye to my three foster children, I have experienced a huge wave of emotion that I’ve kept off the blog for the most part. A lot of it has felt like confusion and disbelief, especially when I think about the good times I had with my foster children and then compare it to where the three of them are now. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been informed of some updates with two of them in particular and none of it is good news. The problems that they were having while they were living with me seem to have only gotten worse since they’ve left my house; there are now some new, very serious complications to their stories. I feel distanced from it, as I can’t do anything to change their circumstances, but am not too far removed to feel deep sorrow for the twists and turns in their lives. Was my experience in fostering Mr. Four Year Old, Miss Fourteen and Miss Eighteen difficult? Yes. But did I love each of them deeply? Yes. Do I wish all three foster children were still in my life and home, had their behaviors and circumstances been different? Absolutely.
And that’s why, when I read what J. had to say about her recent experience feeling “hurt, fear, sadness and confusion” I knew exactly how she is feeling. She writes that she is “undeniably drawn to” ones like those I too feel drawn to as well — but that “time and time again” she finds herself “crying for them because there aren’t ‘easy fixes.’” I know exactly what J. is feeling because I’ve felt it time and time again over the last couple of years of my life as I’ve had the fabulous five and the three foster children in my life.
But, just as He is doing with me, God is showing J. some truths that we can learn in the middle of not knowing what else to do.
They are different circumstances (mine and yours), but I get what you’re saying about ministry. To feel undoubtedly called and then deal with these sorts of outcomes is…frustrating? eye-opening? I’m not sure what words I can use, but I know the emotion has choked me.
I’m thankful that you’re able to write about God’s “realness” in the situation, though. Sometimes I just need affirmation from someone else that He’s present–even when things aren’t sunshine and roses.
I haven’t taken time to read the article you linked, but I have a thought.
I know that “Children’s Homes” are mostly out of fashion right now and “group homes” seem institutional to many people. But having served at Wears Valley Ranch, near you in Tennessee, I believe that model of ministry to broken children makes so much more sense than isolated foster homes.
In the group home setting, there is a team of caring adults working together to nurture the difficult child. Everyone has times and days “off.” No one carries the burden alone to the point of burn-out and heartbreak for all involved. Healthy, older children model good behavior and happy hearts. Children are enveloped in the therapeutic environment 24 hours a day.
It seems like for children who are not so troubled, foster care would provide a “normal” family and a safe place to live and grow and be cared for.
But I don’t see how a single parent or even a couple can be expected to cope with very troubled children alone.
You were very brave to try and very RIGHT to give yourself for them – just like Jesus. Be confident that He used you in their lives, even if they seem so lost right now. Sometimes seeds lay dormant for many years before they sprout and grow and bloom. You planted seeds of love and kindness and Jesus. You gave them a glimpse of what being loved feels like and how to do it. Precious gifts.
I just read J’s post. It hits very close to home for me right now, as I was the “foster mom” for the last 14 months of a grown woman who is broken beyond what I could have imagined.
God recently released me from caring for my friend, though I won’t stop caring about her.
Now, I get to learn to trust Him all over again in new ways. He is good.