Pottery Barn & lice.
A list, if you will:
1. Healthier lifestyle is going great. I’m seeing results when I weigh myself each week but, more importantly, I’m seeing results in my mind. When I want to eat something that is not healthy for me, I don’t just not eat it — I stop and ask myself why I want it. Am I bored? Am I upset? Am I stressed? Am I being lazy? By identifying what is going on in my head, I feel like I can have better long term success with trying to be healthier. It will be a long road that will hopefully be made even longer by pregnancy somewhere down the road. In my ideal world, I would lose a certain amount of weight, get pregnant, stop losing weight, have a child and then lose more weight. Then again, my ideal world also includes Beth Moore fixing my hair each morning, so I guess we’ll just see how life pans out.
2. Yesterday, while we were eating lunch together, Paul and I got a call that our home is officially open for foster care. I feel like a pregnant woman waiting for her water to break except I don’t know if I’m “giving birth” to a toddler or adolescent. When the call does come, we’re ready. The bedroom is clean — floors scrubbed, toys polished, clean sheets on the bed. I know the quickest route to the car seat section in Target, if we were to need one. Short of buying an outfit in every size and gender, I don’t know what else we could do to be more prepared for an unknown child.
3. One of the strange things about foster care is not knowing what age of child you will be committing to take care of indefinitely. I know we are not going to take a teenager this time around because I just feel like I’m too close in age to a teen (the last time I fostered, I was barely 10 years older than my oldest foster child!). So, will we get a baby? A kindergartner? A third grader? Will they be adoptable or is reunification with birth parents the goal? Is it a boy or a girl? Do they have medical needs? Will English be their primary language? This has been your complimentary peek into my mind over the last 24 hours.
4. I have a theory. My theory is that our licensing process was being perfectly timed (by God) to match up with the timing of the “right” child coming into custody. A whole lot of intricate details have to happen at simultaneous times for my theory to be correct but I’m still going to stick with it. I may be curious about the child we’re going to get but I can’t help but to believe that this is being micromanaged by God since I can’t micromanage it myself. As hard as my last foray into foster care was, I still believe that I was meant to foster those three children at that specific time in their life (and, incidentally, I would still do it all over again even knowing what the outcome would be).
5. One of my biggest fears about telling people that we are going to foster is that people would think we’re doing it just to “fill a need” for a child in our life since we don’t have a biological child of our own yet. I can easily see how people would come to that conclusion (if I was on the outside looking in, I would totally make that assumption). Here is what I have found, though: choosing to foster while going through infertility is not an “answer” or even necessarily a “relief.” Basically, what we are signing up for is taking in someone else’s child, falling in love with them and potentially sending them back out of our lives forever just when we get good and attached to them. What I wanted to sign up for was this: my mother, stepmother and three grandmothers crowded into a doctor office, all trying to see the ultrasound screen followed by a nice leisurely lunch at The Cheesecake Factory before we all head over to Pottery Barn Kids to pick out crib bedding. Instead, I may get lice. So, no, this is not something we’re doing because we want a baby.
6. A video about foster care just came out that has captivated me. It hits so many intricate details of foster care that are hard to put into words. If you have a few minutes, I’d love for you to watch it. If you’ve never fostered, this is probably the most accurate description of fostering I’ve encountered so far.
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